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April 1st, 2008

Seven Deadly Sins

I really miss the late-evening television performances of Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon. When Johnny departed this Earth, he left his Malibu beach house behind but he must have taken a BlackBerry with him. I found this in my in box:

Johnny: The Vatican enlarged the list of deadly sins. The ancient seven were lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride. The Vatican recently added seven modern, equally deadly, sins: genetic modification, experiments on humans, environmental pollution, causing social injustice, causing poverty, becoming obscenely wealthy, and taking drugs.

Ed: I'm glad you brought that in. Everything you wanted to know about sin is in that list.

Johnny: You are wrong, ethanol breath. The Vatican didn't worry about peak oil. We have an additional list of peak-oil deadly sins.

  1. Thou shalt not drive an SUV at 70 miles per hour on the freeway, with the air-conditioner running, just to pick up a half gallon of milk at the grocery store.
  2. Thou shalt not waste energy and water by enjoying long hot showers.
  3. Thou shalt not vote for a presidential candidate who does not speak up about peak oil.
  4. Thou shalt not read the writings of Michael Lynch, Daniel Yergin, Jed Mouawad, or ExxonMobil. Pray that they may soon recognize the Truth.
  5. Thou shalt not oppose sainthood for M. King Hubbert. He'll be St. Marion.
  6. Thou shalt not have more than four grandchildren. Blessed are they that leave no more than two grandchildren. (The Vatican has yet to approve this one.)
  7. Thou shalt not grant priority to those who preach about climate change. Their hearts are in the right place, but their minds are focused on a lesser issue. Change is where it's at.

Ed: While we're at it, we can offer an 11th commandment. It's called the Spitzer Amendment, "Don't get caught."

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