Regionals: the end of the season for all but 20 teams in the nation.
Clockwork starts the spring season off at Easterns Qualifier tournament down in Axton, VA. We drove down hoping to place above the rest of the Metro East, test ourselves against national caliber teams such as UNCW or Ohio, and if possible claim the final bid to the Easterns tournament down in Wilmington. While we came in seeded quite low, accurate seeding at the start of the season is basically impossible. In one way, we were unlucky in that our path to the semifinals (and the Easterns Bid) had to go through UNCW and Ohio, the best two teams at the tournament. On the other hand, we were one of two teams that got the chance to go up against both of these strong teams.
Saturday Pool Play: Our first game was against UNCW's Seamen (The eventual tournament winners). While we were almost always behind, we played tight with these guys through most of the game, with both teams getting severals breaks early on. The UNCW team definitely had us outmatched athletically and by height, and we put a few too many discs into the air for their defenders to track down. Late in the game when were down 10-12 looking to score a break from a few feet out, we had a pretty bad turnover that lead to UNCW scoring. They broke us on the next two points to finish the game 15-10. Highlights from this game include Adlai getting bid into on the first throw from the pull, and some really cool guy trying to pick a fight with Jae, "You wanna go little man?".Next up we had Towson. Most of us still fondly remember the gaggle of Towson players raging during their annihilation at our hands in the bracket of Roll Call last year. Towson started the day with a surprising win over Georgetown, and last fall they played us close in two different tournaments, so we came into the game ready for anything. Ready for a game, our O line receives the first pull which goes out the back of Towsons own endzone. Easy score, and after a few early clockwork breaks, it was clear that this was our game. We opened lines up and coasted to a nice win 15-7.
Game three against Ohio State. Ohio State is a team that looked good at Fall Easterns, but performed dismally at the Queen City Tune Up. Regardless, we expected this team to be the best competition for the second seed out of our pool. The game started with Ohio State breaking us twice, but then we realized we weren't playing Towson anymore and started clicking. We scored our next O point and then grabbed the two breaks back bringing it to 3-3. Over the next few points our offense worked is calmly through their zone and our D line fought through several long points of to generate a few more breaks. During this stretch, according to twitter TK had "approximately 237 layout Ds". This number sounds right to me. O line eventually takes half at 8-5. A fiery D line siezed control in the second half starting out with four breaks: two mid range upwind hucks to Matt, and a pair of fast down wind scores. Everyone had big plays during this period. With their spirits crushes, we coasted to a final score 15-7.
Georgetown... oh boy this one was interesting. I'll start by saying that Georgetown is a very good team, with some handlers that can move the disc really well. Whatever beautiful and clean ultimate we were playing in the second half of the Ohio State game did not follow us into the beginning of the Georgetown game. We traded for the first six points, and then Georgetown started rattling off breaks, and every time we would get down to their endzone with a chance to get a break back we would drop a disc, or pop it up into the wind, or throw a blade, etc. At some point, we were getting romped on so badly that no one knew the score or even cared what it was. The Ultiworld twitter tells us that at its worst the score was 10-5 bad guys. Forgetting about the score, we finally reeled things back in and started converting our good defense into points. Slowly we crept back into this game by taking each point one at a time and working the disc underneath (except for one huge upwind break generated by TK skying everyone on a jump ball). Next thing I remember we are about to pull and the observer telling us that we were up 13-12 in a game to 14. Georgetown scores. Now its universe point with Clockwork receiving with the wind at our backs. We turn the disc on a deep shot to Blake, but stifling man defense and shut down play on the dumps gets the disc back. A second deep shot to Matt sails right, Blake gets a hand on it but cant bring it in for the score. On defense again, Clockwork traps Georgetown in their own endzone. At stall nine when a turnover seems inevitable, the thrower calls contact, resetting the count to zero and gets a throw off up field. A few throws later, this same thrower gets D-ed on a lay out by Blake who immediately takes off deep to catch the game winning throw from Adlai. Clockwork wins 14-13.
We finish up pool play with our game against the two seed, 2012 National Qualifiers Michigan State. Due to extra losses by Georgetown, Ohio State, and Michigan State to each other, we had locked our second place finish in our pool and with it a ticket to the quarterfinals. Therefore, this game meant very little for our tournament results. However, in reality this game meant everything to us because 'Clock don't lose on Sundays'. Starting on D, Wang hucks it to Ross who throws it to Jarred for a two throw break. With a strong downfield wind, we pushed their cutters out and forced a lot of overthrow hucks. D line worked it up field on most of these turnovers only to throw it away in the endzone. Both teams are playing pretty sloppy, but our hustle and legs get us the edge. We take half 8-7 in a close one. In the second half, MSU drops another pull, and then D line converts the downwinder to bring it to 11-7. At some point HK cuts under, and Bohao donkey punches deep for a score (#EndOfTheWorld). MSU surges behind the rage of 'arm bar guy' who repeatedly tells the observer that he is wrong and needs a better angle. Score stays close, but Clockwork O can't be stopped and we finish the game 15-13.
Quarterfinals against Ohio: A chance to play Ohio is a big reason we drove eight hours for this tournament. Ohio is a very skilled team that plays together well. Lacking dominant athletes, they are coached well and make very few mistakes--so they win a lot of games. Matt said it perfect in our post game discussion: this is the type of team we must become if we want to compete with top caliber college teams. We start the game on O, trade to 2-1, then grab two quick breaks bringing it to 4-1 Clockwork. Looking like we would get a turn in easy scoring position for the third break, Ohio hucks on stall eight or nine and comes down with it for a score. We trade a few more points, and then Ohio grabs four breaks in a row. 8-5 Ohio at half. During the second half we are still plagued by 'almost getting breaks' syndrome. We close the gap some, taking a time out to secure a break upwind to make the game 12-10 Ohio. We trade to 13-11, and then Ohio gets the upwind-downwind break pair to win 15-11. I believe our first tournament jitters played a big part in this game. While a loss sucks, most of the mistakes were mental and minor, and we have time to get it fixed.
5th Place bracket play-in against regional opponent, UConn. Both teams opened lines up extensively during the game, and for the most part it was a light hearted game of fun clean ultimate. Sean played several points and scored on all of them, and Grasshopper skied some dude in the endzone. My favorite moments include Jae getting open, throwing a score, point blocking, and scoring on on his high school friend and UConn captain Kamil. 15-13 Clockwork.
Game for 5th against Maryland. Early in the day during the quarters, Maryland lost a heart breaker on universe to UNCW. It seems like Maryland returned most of their players from last year. They adjusted well to our different defensive looks, and played calm and collected for most of the game, even though they were down the entire game. We had a lot of opportunities to finish the game early with a several point lead, but we kept shooting ourselves in the foot. At 12-10 (game point) we dropped an uncontested score, and later at 13-13 we had a chance to take the upwind break, but instead Osman dropped the disc during his pivot as he saw a wide open Matt five feet from him in the endzone ("Unbelievable!"). 15-14 Maryland wins.
Class of 2013
Hometown: West Windsor, NJ
Bio: On January 30, 1991, Jason Steinberg came into the world. He was always kind of an awkward kid, but quite a brilliant one too. The best decision he ever made in his life was to start playing Ultimate when he was a freshman in high school. He had some pretty sweet throws by the time he came to Princeton, and he quietly introduced himself to Clockwork as Jason. Jason Yun '10 was clearly intimidated by this new, better-looking Jason, and he quickly thought of a nickname to preserve his own identity. And just like that, Nooj was born.
Don't be fooled by Nooj's shy demeanor; he is a fearless leader of Clockwork and plays unrelenting defense. You might see him just Noojing around campus at times, with no destination in mind, but on the field, his cuts are sharp and his hucks are deadly. Nooj is also well known for his popularity with the ladies, especially when he has his trusty wingman, Eduardo. Recently, Nooj has been used colloquially as a verb, an adjective, and basically any other part of speech you can think of. So I will leave you with one last thought: Nooj noojes noojingly, noojing noojes nooj. Nooj.
Class of 2013
Hometown: Ithaca, NY
Bio: Princeton Clockwork Orange is a team with three major components: A fast-break offense, a stifling Swat-Team defense, and Adlai Felser. Adlai Felser is fast, but this guy obviously spends a lot of time in the gym. He is one of the best athletes on Clockwork. Look at Adlai Felser's dump D! Adlai Felser is probably the only player at this tournament who could have gotten that D. Some days, to write poetry, you need a pencil and a paper; others, you just need cleats and a disc. That guy is so clutch!
AKA Rocktor, Cletus
Hometown: Sugar Land, TX
Club teams: Black Angus, Space City, Jughandle
Bio: Ancient Clockwork legend tells of a strongman named Blake Dyer who leg-pressed mountains with ease and drank the blood of his enemies for sustenance. This Blake Dyer is no longer with us. He has since been replaced by the Rock Doctor (Rocktor), who prides himself on his hacky sack skills and his ability to identify all birds with just a single glance at their genitalia.
This reincarnation of Blake is a dedicated vegan, which can often stand in the way of giving impassioned speeches to the team. His last attempt at inspiration was sidetracked when, after describing how the team must "steal the other team's carrot" Blake began to graphically describe how he would eat the carrot, got a boner, and blacked out. His veganism additionally occupies much of his time, as he is constantly making up cool-sounding words such as "tempeh" and "seitan" to make himself feel better about the shit he eats.
On occasion, Blake is mistaken for Tyrion Lannister, presumably because of his affinity for wordplay, and definitely having nothing to do with his height. One of his peculiarities is his affinity for the number 7, which is believed to be the age at which he stopped growing. If you're looking for Blake, you can find him in Guyot Hall, where he can be seen staring intently at rocks and making pointed observations such as "this one is pretty grey."
AKA Little Red Dragon
Class of 2015
AKA The Grasshopper
Class of 2015
Class of 2014
Hometown: Miami, FL
Bio: Julian Hungero-Kelly is youth. Exuberance. Wantonness. Those that knew him best noticed least when he dyed his hair blond, because to them it had always shone golden with his head's vivacious inner radiance. Always moving a great distance per small unit of time, Julian's legs are formidable and many believe their names (H and K) are the source of his nickname.
The emotional core of Julian's lightning quick exterior persona is a bear trapped in a twink's body. His lithe form and spun gold hair yield assumptions, labels, and twinky teasing that are counter to Julian's inner identity. Because of this, though, Julian is the only member of Clockwork capable of communicating with the Team Girlfriend, a creature at once simple and difficult to understand, but certainly not exclusive with him.
A lot of people ask what the dash in Hungero-Kelly stands for and, while I think no really man knows, my best guesses are -ology and -headed. Julian came to frisbee as naturally as frisbee came to Julian as naturally as scrubs go to Sunday brunch. If he isn't smoking fools under, he's smoking them deep; or else he's on defense, and is merely biding his time to smoke. Wink.
In short, any man who does not vote for HK is a fubsy fool.
Class of 2015
Hometown: Shelby, NC
Bio: Tom Kelly is a Colombian novelist, short-story writer, screenwriter and journalist, known affectionately as TK throughout Latin America. Considered one of the most significant authors and ultimate players of the 20th century, he was awarded the 1972 Neustadt International Prize for Literature and the 1982 Nobel Prize in Literature, and is the earliest remaining living recipient. He pursued a self-directed education and physical fitness regimen that resulted in his leaving law school for a career in journalism and a spot on ClockBlock. From early on, he showed no inhibitions in criticizing Colombian and foreign politics, and in laying out to get the D. In 1958, he married Mercedes Barcha, a Lady Clock alumna; they have two sons, Rodrigo and Gonzalo. While his age is often seen as a weakness by his opponents, his teammates realized early on that with his brittle bones come great wisdom and a keen understanding of the game.
AKA Air Emirates, Neal Donnelly
Class of 2014
Hometown: Shelby, NC
Club teams: Direwolf
AKA Kris, The Karnival
Class of 2013
Hometown: Houston, TX
Club teams: Space City
Bio: Krishna Kulkarni was born in the wild woods of Houston, Texas, not by the vagina of a woman as one would typically expect, but instead he passed into life through the vaginal passages of a mother wolf. Raised by wolves through his childhood, it was not until he was introduced into society in his freshman year at Princeton that he discovered at nights he would transform into a beast, half man, half wolf, and rampage around mauling skanks. He visited an old wiseman to learn how he could possibly lift his curse, and the wiseman told him he was cursed to roam the nights as a beast until he had slept with a hundred virgin freshmen. Krishna joined the ultimate team as a way to meet such freshman girls, and discovered his wolfish powers lent themselves to the sport, and ever since that day, he has been skying bitches and preying on freshman girls, working diligently until the day that he can finally lift his curse.
AKA Uncle Jae, Uncle Smegma
Class of 2014
Hometown: Greenwich, CT
Club teams: Gunswick
Class of 2015
Hometown: Rochester, NY
Club teams: Moby Disc
Bio: Alex. It's one of the most common first names in the English language. Lee. A ubiquitous surname in English, Chinese, Korean, and Vietnamese. When you're stuck with a name like Alex Lee, it's a wonder your parents even remember you exist. Poor Alex Lee knew growing up he would have to do something extraordinary to achieve his secret goal of eventually being known as Alexander the Greatest.
On his journey to the present day, young Alex Lee made a number of efforts to distinguish himself and get people to acknowledge his presence. He attended a high school called the Canandaigua Academy, which sounded good until he realized it was actually a school for Canadians with impaired spelling abilities. Impressively, he did manage to date a white girl for a time before his parents clamped down and insisted he protect his family's honor. Left with no choice, Alex Lee buckled down and studied until he was accepted to Princeton University, taking a giant first step towards finally becoming a somebody.
He then made the fatal mistake to major in ORFE, and sank back into obscurity as just another engineer who was too smart for econ but still wanted to make money. He desperately cut his hair Skrillex style in Georgia last year, but it was too late. Mere inches from the edge of the void of total namelessness, Alex Lee was on his way down when the devil appeared before him and halted his fall. He gave Alex Lee a choice: Sink into nothingness, or sell his soul to Satan and become a slave to pitchfork.com. Alex looked out into the inky darkness, thought for a second, and opened up his web browser.
Nowadays, Alex enjoys listening to Taylor Swift and other singers nobody else has heard of. He also plays ultimate for Clockwork in hopes that he will make a name for himself as a dark horse handler and free himself from his pact with the Devil.
AKA The General
Class of 2013
Hometown: Syracuse, NY
Bio: Yuan Chen was an American professional basketball player with the New York Knicks of the National Basketball Association (NBA). After receiving no athletic scholarship offers out of high school and being undrafted out of college, the Harvard University graduate reached a deal later that year with his hometown Golden State Warriors. In February 2012, he unexpectedly led a winning streak by New York, which generated a global following known as Chensanity.
Eventually, Yuan realized how lousy a team the Knicks were and retired from professional basketball. After realizing his economics degree from a second-rate school like Harvard was worthless, Yuan decided to go back to college and came to Princeton. While here, He decided to major in a real subject like Electrical Engineering motivated by the fact that it "triumphs over MAE" and has recently expressed his love for the subject matter by devoting hours of his time to car lab instead of uploading the pictures from developmental regionals.
Since joining Clockwork, Yuan has been known for his "nice cutting technique" as well as his fast break offense.
Class of 2013
Hometown: Chigaco, IL
Club teams: Chicago Natives
Bio: Brohao earned his improved nickname by winning the man-versus-keg challenge at his rookie appearance in Georgia (legit) before leading the rookies in an inspiring beach lacrosse victory over Yale (sucks). Since then he has developed tremendously as a defender, as a handler, as a bro, and most of all as a ladies man. Brohau is well-known for never missing a Clock-Lady Clock mixer and his success on the dance floor, out-competing even Adlai. Brohau is in the running for the squirrelly Asian handler role left vacant since Adam Hugh, and has even been observed watching Princeton Sciuridae for "tips". His bromance with Patrick has gone a long way to improving relations with the B team, and has cemented the best Clockwork pairing since Pinky and the Brain. His time as president saw the reform of the Clockwork government, with the introduction of a vice president, secretaries, and commander of the praetorian guard. When not at practice, Brohau spends all his time in Icahn running "experiments" in lab. He claims his work is actually pretty sciency, but we all think he's just creating a perfect Frisbee player with a combination of his and Michael Jordan's genes.
Class of 2014
Hometown: Norman, OK
Class of 2014
Hometown: San Diego, CA
Bio: Who is Jarred Mickalicka? Not me. That's for sure. Jarred is an enigmatic figure in Clockwork lore whose essence resists being pinned down. Clad in full Clock uniform, Jarred is Clockwork's most perfectly beautiful specimen --- with his chiseled cheek bones and Adonic body, he is the team's exemplary Aryan (sorry Neal). But catch him around campus and he's in full-on hipster Clarke Kent mode. Is he Superman (he's certainly not a bird or a plane)? Maybe. Or maybe you think he's more Mandarin because Mandarin is Asian. This would be a misconception – Jarred is not actually Asian. He is more like Iron Man....because he slays Asians. But I think he's more of a Rorschach. Not especially chatty on the field, but if you mess with him or just try to play offense, he will fuck you up – and he's got the TMFs to prove it. But if you do decide to play against him, be warned: he can't be predicted – he's got a devastating no-look flick. As a good athlete who throws his body around for D's and has made huge progress as an offensive weapon in short period time, Jarred is going to be a pillar of D-line in years to come. So who is Jarred Mihalik? A mystery sure, but maybe also Clockwork's newest hero.
Class of 2015
Hometown: Lincoln, MA
Bio: Matt Rogers is the best player on the Junior Worlds team, even though he is too old to play. He is the classic story of the man who couldn't last long enough. By 3 on 3 season, his knees were on their way out, and by regionals he could only make it through the first few games. He doesn't always play ultimate, but when he does, he prefers to play really well. In all seriousness, Matt Rogers is really really sick. We have decided to quarantine him to a large, and (most importantly) padded bubble so that he can not injure himself until we are ready to unleash him upon the world.
Class of 2015
Hometown: Mercer Island, WA
Bio: I'm Ross Smith, a bankruptcy lawyer in Sandusky, Ohio. I have over thirty years of experience helping people who need a way to get out of debt and back on track. If you need a chance to put your debt behind you and get legal protection from your creditors, I can help. Many people who file bankruptcy do so for one of these four reasons. Do any of these common problems apply to your situation?
Medical bills. Sixty-two percent of consumer bankruptcies are caused by medical bills. Who knew? Expensive doctors plus crappy insurance cause bankruptcy. Bill collectors. Gee, if you have 20 collectors calling you 10 times a day, at work, at home and at the neighbors, you'll finally file bankruptcy just to get some peace. Do you think that bill collectors know that they are one of the primary causes of bankruptcy?
Credit card companies. Golly, the bank just jacked your interest rate to 29.99%and lowered your credit limit! Then they slapped you with an over limit fee of $39.00 a month. In the end, the bank is surprised that you can't make the increased minimum payment. And the bank is shocked — shocked! — to get your Notice of Bankruptcy. My condolences to the banks. Predator Mortgages. Holy cats! Your home has a $150,000.00 mortgage, but it's only worth $115,000.00. Worse, the interest rate is 9.5% or even higher. We wonder why you can't make that payment… but not much. Time to file a bankruptcy.
Class of 2016
Class of 2014
Hometown: Baton Rouge, LA
Club teams: Gunswick
Bio: A highly sought after recruit from the swamps of Louisiana, Stephen Wang
had ultimate scouts drooling over his potential. Affectionately known as "Every
Coach's Dream", Wang had a cannon of an arm, pogo sticks for legs, and the entire
country in anticipation about his impending college decision. On a nationally
televised special Wang announced that he would be taking his talents to New Jersey
to unite with hometown hero Andrew Bergman and fellow prized recruit Neal
Donnelly, netting himself an army of haters at home and the Boys and Girls Club of
Louisiana about $2 million.
However the "Wang Dynasty" didn't begin as successfully as expected as Wang struggled to carry his teammates and the country's expectations. Additionally, disaster struck for Stephen both personally and professionally. A severe case of eye herpes plagued him on the morning of a tournament and severely limited his ability, inevitably leading to a disaster now known as the "Massacre in Mercer" where Clockwork almost managed to lose to its own B-team. However, the worst was yet to come, as Clockwork Ultimate was about to experience the biggest sports scandal this side of Tiger Woods. First a few isolated rumors from TMZ began filtering in and then the bombshell came from a most curious of sources. A mysterious insider, who only identified herself as VQu to protect her identity, informed ESPN via Skype that the rumors were true: Wang indeed had a tiny penis.
Wang was devastated. After a brief layoff from college ultimate for personal reasons, Wang rededicated himself to the game he loves. From hitting the weight room at the crack of dawn to sprinting to the farthest poles he could find, Wang was determined to compensate for his now famous deficiency with tremendous on-field success, and the results were staggering. His sheer determination almost carried Clockwork to a surprise bid to Nationals in his sophomore season.
It's interesting to think about how Ultivillage historians centuries from now will classify Stephen's time at Princeton. The next two years will ultimately determine whether the Wang Dynasty was a rousing success in the face of adversity or an experiment derailed by scandal. Despite all this uncertainty, however, one thing is for sure: nobody will be working harder than Wang.
AKA The Dream
Class of 2015
Hometown: Weston, MA
Bio: A man shrouded in mystery, the sheer mention of his name will elicit the response, "who the fuck is Dean?" Make no mistake, once one finally meets Dean Makino, one does not forget Dean Makino. When he's not shitting on the defense with his relentless cutting, he's most likely whispering obscenties into his mark's ear (although it is rumored that Dean, indeed, has a voice "which makes wolverines purr"). Dean has never had second thoughts about any in-game decision, since he always knows the wrong thing to do. Nevertheless, he has been a vital part of ClockBlock, and we hope to see great things down the road from Dean. To quote the words of a much wiser man: "Never have I ever seen an individual play so retarded and yet play so well."