Holy shit. http://pandagon.net/2007/02/02/climate-change-a-go-go/ We're in Futurama. SUN-BLOCKING SPACE MIRRORS! that's one of the ideas the White House wants to push if we absolutely have to deal with that pesky global warming issue. Shoot a giant mirror into space to cover the earth from solar radiation. I suppose the "giant ice cube" trick wasn't passing mustard. * ^chris_ enjoys comics that encourage children to smoke <^chris_> at any rate, it is the time of the working, though it will quickly become the time <^chris_> the time of the throwing of beans at demons * ^chris_ has quit (Quit: dance demon dance!) You know, maybe I'm less weak-willed than most people, but "Happy Birthday, Grandma!" doesn't seem to me like the worst thing you could say during sex. No I can think of much worse Well, sure. "I can only come when I'm stabbin' something" springs to mind. A man advised me that I was not exercising moderation in some re=gard while I was picking up my coat from the coat check. However, I was unable to discern his meaning, due to the fact that he was very, very drunk. Still, I took his words to heart. Whatever they were. I'm real, dammit! hi Dog. Kiru claims that my knife doesn't need to stab. Explain to her about knives and their needs. This sounds like the kind of conversation that ends in stares and gradual edging away. Were I to get some weed killer and a brain tumor, I think I'd draw a vagina that could be seen from space. So, anyway. How horrible is Air Berlin and why can I get a $30 flight to Rome with them when everyone else is like $180 Air Berlin sucks compared to Air Jordan. Aryans can't jump. Is it an evil law firm at all? Kiru: It's a law firm. Pat: There are pro bono law firms. but they're notoriously weighted towards the evil side. not pro bono. Sonny Bono was pure evil. I'm going to ignore you now. You should really never call a woman "dollsnatch". Kiru: You've just guaranteed that at some point in my life I will. because "dollsnatch" is brilliant. It's been 200 years since we invented a word that means "male and female homosexuals". We're slowly coming around to knowledge that was current at that time. Oh, hi Dog. I'm reading adventure modules for Trinity. Kiru's sleeping and talking about homosexuality and gender politics. Yeah, she totally does that in her sleep. well, it's one of her most essential characteristics it's like how when I asleep, I totally close off and don't respond to anyone. And like how when I'm asleep, I chase rabbits. and molest altar boys. And drink sacramental wine. oh, that precious sacramental wine. Where are all of the colorful finches? I put seeds out specifically for them, and they aren't eating them * Spyral glares out the window. I will kill them one by one You're killing finches? of course gah, there's a pair of plain grey ones * Spyral gets a rock I'm a terrible vegetarian. It's true, you are. But look on the bright side, Moogle's a terrible breatharian. and Amaya's a terrible mother. and Dog's a terrible drunk and I'm objectively terrible. Hola Dog, Chris That was almost Christ you'd make an odd messiah Amaya: He's got the "hanging from nails" bit down. <^chris_> i'd be a delightful messiah chris: "Take of this Jamesons, it is my blood" chris: "Take of this... well, don't worry about my body, just take of more Jamesons" <^chris_> damn...someone's got me down pat I'm old at heart. Old and crotchety. This GIS for "whores" has not gone according to plan. oh, Dog. I saw something for your octopus sex collection the other day. But now I can't remember where I found it. By the way, you collect images of octopus sex now. This mp3 teddy bear has me thinking. What other appliances or daily tools could I put in a bear? Could I have a bear spatula? Perhaps a bear hairbrush, or bearbrush. <{Moogle}> I'd like a spatula like a big bear pawprint What could I be drinking out of a bear? <{Moogle}> Bear milk. Honey! <{Moogle}> Both. <{Moogle}> From the gland of milk and honey. Were you possessed by the spirit of fiend, there? It's a religious war, being fought in the hearts and minds of every citizen. One shall stand, one shall fall. WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON? The abortionists, of course. Kiru: Tony Stark is an abortionist. Do you want to reconsider your position? Tony Stark is not an abortionist. Don't lie to enrage me. I only support positions endorsed by Captain America. Also, Dr. Doom and MODOK Also, last night I was very bored, so I made the mistake of watching some of the other shows on Adult Swim on Direct TV. Boy was that a bad idea. yes Tom Goes to the Mayor has made me retroactively like Mr Show less just because Bob Odenkirk was involved in it, and I think 12 oz Mouse gave me cancer. Oh, a theory of mine (01:31:43 AM) FatherDog1: Any online community is 60% fangeeks, 25% SA Forum goons griefing the fangeeks, and 15% random people trying to play the game. (01:31:50 AM) FatherDog1: The 15% are always, always fucked. Dog, your links make it really easy to suggest you have an octopus fetish. It's true! Despite the fact that neither link actually has anything to do with cephalopods. It's a funny coincidence. Ha Ha Ha. WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING <{Moogle}> can't <{Moogle}> masturbating to octopus porn <{Moogle}> I mean, watching the news. <{Moogle}> (masturbating to the news) I firmly believe that robots will only take off when they are covered in fur and given big dopey eyes. Man up, Hatrick, and watch some triple penetration. That is an adorable lizzard. They're so cute those lizards they really are. http://lava.nationalgeographic.com/pod/pictures/normal/NGM1999_02p27.jpg look at his wee face. How do you know that is a he? All reptiles are male until their third year. Don't lie about biology. The change is marked with the development of long eyelashes, and a bow-like growth atop the head. That could also be The Gay though Gay reptiles develop into dogs. That is true. I can't take more biology lies. I'm going to bed POETRY. * KiruBanzai shakeyfists I'm angry at poetry. Yes, I know that summer is stupid, explosion time and fall is boring, sad time. yeah. and christmas is oh please shut up with the magic of love time. awww. Adorable child actors announcing Best Animated Short. kill them. they've peaked. It's true. all they have to look forward to now is prison, spots on the Surreal Life or independent movies portraying gay ravers/murderers. Peter O'Toole may die at this Oscars. He's not looking robust. at least this year would be memorable then. More people should die at award shows. More people should die. Bureaucracy is fun! I approve of this Charlie Brooker chap. Good, good. He seems stand-up. Like, you'd invite him over to help you move furniture, and would sit and drink iced tea and make witty jokes while you did the work, but you wouldn't mind. But then you catch him banging your wife, and you kill him and her in a fit of jealous rage, and you're forced to go underground, but it's three weeks of hell and paranoia until you finally give yourself up just so you can stop seeing your wife's brains cooling on the Tiffany lamp she made you buy her for an anniversary gift in your sleep. Really stand-up. You're slightly insane. I am not! I just have a knack for metaphor. I found out I have high cholesterol today. Stupid genetics. <^chris_> i love being adopted, that way all the things like alcoholism and schizophrenia will come as a surprise Oh, good, Pat's here. I wish I knew why my video of The State's "monkey torture" wouldn't play anymore. won't, not wouldn't, because it still doesn't. Also, what's Pat's goal? Well, you know Prussian Blue? the neo-Nazi Olsen Twins? if you want me to deflower either of them with my circumcised cock, I'm declining this instant. Damn you! Stating obvious truths doesn't make you deep! That's heavy. stop it! That wasn't deep! Are you sure? Anyway today is arsehat day That fucktard that I was firing anyway, having told him that I wasn't interested in continuing his "services" Have him shot in the back of the face and dumped in Sydney Harbor. If Sydney doesn't have a harbor, hire some earth-moving equipment. Hrm. Realising that someone is a lot like me is a bad thing when it comes to dating right? Of course not. I would be thrilled to date me with tits. Face it, I'm fucking awesome. A female me would be even awesomer. That's because you're a narcissist I hold that narcissism is a natural consquence of being as awesome as me. * Richard_McCart (rlyons@19f3fc7.dsl.plns.28303def.net.hmsk) has joined #sluagh Coincidentally enough, Thing would also be thrilled to date "me with tits." ......eeeh? context? I think if there's one thing the malkquotes have proved, it's that context is overrated. <{Moogle}> Torture and murder is not a hobby, guys. <{Moogle}> Chill. * Teo pounces his hammock * Teo falls out the other side. Ouch ha ha! * KiruBanzai wraps Teo in a net. * Teo glares It's a safety hammock! For your safety. And definitely not for selling you to gypsies. Make hats for your eggs! MAKE THEM! * Teo (none@c8086c5f.gbn.gbg.9d755e62.se.hmsk) has joined #sluagh Hey folks Hey Cut. It's true, Cut is decidedly not folks. I'm having terrible cramps! And a potato. <{Moogle}> Keep the potato, lose the cramps. <{Moogle}> That's my advice. Talking about them helps. Because I know it makes other people uncomfortable, and that makes me smile inside. In my uterus. "He's a fat lawyer who systematically undid many progressive reforms enacted by the previous administration, and provoked considerable ill-will from the Congress and-" "Shut yo' mouth!" "I'm just talkin' 'bout Taft!" this coffee sure is irish. filled with potatos and rage? There's an e in potatoes, whore. You'll use that e. It occurs to me that I have spent the entirety of St Patricks day drinking Black and Tans whilst lounging in an orange bathrobe. * KiruCruise (kirub@a59b8815.ph.ph.6ca6b017.net.hmsk) has joined #sluagh Is Kiru on a Cruise? Possibly. Huh. She may be having gay sex with Tom Cruise. How could she be having gay sex with Tom Cruise? I think, if Kiru had relations with Tom Cruise, it would be just sex. Scientology! The magic of scientology. It seems wrongheaded to me, but then, so few people are rightheaded. <^chris_> ahh...well, that's a new kind of pain That's what I'm here for! There's a commercial with a sexy lady saying she wants to smell my body spray. I've seen that. I'd use body spray if it meant she'd sniff me. I'm not sure I believe her. I'd spray my genitals for maximum effect. I spray my body with a secret mixture of eleven herbs and spices. And bleach My Mother, The Car, was arguably a horror movie. Pat, just because YOU can argue about everything, doesn't make everything arguably something. http://www.iwatchstuff.com/2007/03/28/sweeney-todd-depp.jpg This claims to be a shot showing Johnny Depp as Sweeney Todd, but I'm not convinced he doesn't just walk around like that. Man, you and dictators. It's like Dog and octopi. In that I will tease you about it increasingly as time goes on. I can vaguely see myself accepting that. <{Moogle}> I kind of like Mao Zedong. OH JESUS WHY WOULD A MERCIFUL GOD ALLOW THESE PICTURES ONTO THE INTERNET?! * Dei (is looking at Uma Thurman's super saggy boobs at the Superficial) I wouldn't have thought she had enough boobage to sag. Well, guys, celebrities do age. No they don't! They have millions of dollars and on-call plastic surgeons! A celebrity should look exactly the same from the moment they become famous until the moment they stop being famous! *exactly* the same. Tom Cruise could go out and reprise his role in Legend *right now* John Travolta can fly a plane, so he's allowed to have put on 200 pounds since being Vinnie Barbarino. This is because if we give him hell for it, he'll crash his private 707 into our houses. He's a Scientologist. They don't fear death. Just Thetans. Jodie Foster could reprise her role in Bugsy Malone, except she's taller. There you go. But she bathes in the blood of virgins! That shouldn't count! Tom Cruise may as well. We don't know. I'm sorry. Are my lies boring you? No, Sun is angering me. With anger. yay! Crush Sun! with your fists. * Dei crushes Moogle. with my fists. * {Moogle} springs back like a sponge <{Moogle}> wu wei, bitch We had a Wu Wei fighter in our long abandoned Street Fighter RPG game. yes, I said Role-Playing Game game. He was a Scottish woad warrior who used Wu Wei. I had a stupid Spanish Ninja who fought with daggers. Was the theme Unlikely Region Martial Artists? It was not! I would have played an Eskimo fencing champion! With a katana! No, wait. TWO katanas! You can't fence with a katana! Utena notwithstanding! Of course you can't fence with a katana. That's why I'm using two. * thewyrm taps his head The other day I dreamt I made Das Boy strip naked in front of my friends to show him off. I should totally do that. Hee. why am I watching Bad News Thorton? What the heck is Bad News Thorton? Dog: The Bad News Bears that wasn't the good one. Pat: 1) There was another bad news bears? Pat: 2) There was a good bad news bears? Dog: The was the Bad News Bears with Walter Mattheu and Tatum O'Neil, and the remake with Billy Bob Thornton and Greg Kinnear. the first one was good. I don't actually believe you. why would I lie? Because you're a jew. so? You're a Pole. Yay ethnic slur day! you're riddled with Jew flavor. I'm really looking forward to the next Scientology meltdown. It's coming, you can tell. * PatPandaHat nods. Their celebrities are all burning out, and it's been a couple years since they attempted a governmental insurrection. and that is so very weird to say. I mean, you'd think after the first one, someone would be wary. It can't be too long until Tom Cruise just disintegrates. I dunno. I think Travolta's going to fall before Cruise does. You think? Yeah. Travolta seems to me like he's just flying his jet around and occasionally doing a movie to finance himself. I think Cruise is going to continue coursing on even after he melts down. Cruise, on the other hand, always seems like he's wound a couple turns too tight. Travolta is going to crack and then instituionalize himself. it's the quiet ones you watch out for. here's what I figure is going to happen. Katie Holmes is going to disintegrate entirely. Travolta's going to crack. Cruise is going to go completely crazy, but won't quit, and eventually he'll just become so outlandishly psychotic that he's going to show up on the news one night having been found to be killing and eating prostitutes and came down with Kuru. That seems about right. and then the Clearwater Lockdown is going to happen and we'll find out they've been summoning insect spirits into people. When I think of Katie Holmes, I think of the Invisible woman from the one episode of Venture brothers. and I'm going to be very annoyed by that result, because that means they're going to nuke Clearwater. <{Moogle}> Not with a bang, but with a whimper. <{Moogle}> Travolta will be the one who goes "Ah, fuck this. I just like flying my aeroplane and having sex with guys. I was a Scientologist, now I'm not, and I don't want to talk about it." <{Moogle}> Cruise is the one they're already calling Scientology's Jesus figure. Moog: Yeah, that's totally how I see Travolta. <{Moogle}> Actually, they don't say that. They talk of it in terms of Earth's Jesus figure. <{Moogle}> I think we had one of those. The gorilla, earth's shark. I couldn't live without my douching. It begins every day with a burst of freshness. In the marketplace in Thailand, there was a guy selling DVDs that purported to be Season 2 of Heroes. At the time I figured it was a scam, but now I wonder if he's just really, really, really good at his job. * Amaya|Work pokes FD Are you real? Nope! Entirely artificial. Constructed of pie. Speaking of which, where's amy been these days? Is she busy having sex with multiple partners? <{Moogle}> I expect that would keep you busy. It does, trust me. <{Moogle}> I would've said that it's a pain in the arse, but.. <{Moogle}> I wouldn't want to just give anyone an opening like that. <{Moogle}> You know. Someone might take it the wrong way. <{Moogle}> stop me before I pun again * {Moogle} twitches finland! BE LESS GAY HIGH WAY TO THE PHANTOM ZONE Lost's over. Paolo came back from the dead, built a tugboat out of spider guts, timber and sheer Brazilian ingenuity and took everyone off. Also, Ben was apparently a robot. See, I know you're lying because you mentioned Brazilian ingenuity. Brazilians are like the laziest people on earth. and thus why they're ingenious. geez, doesn't anyone get me? * FatherDog gets Pat * FatherDog puts him in a box. Brazilians are also supergay! * PatPandaHat dies because Dog forgot to put holes in the box. I put a stick and a leaf in there! You should be fine! that only works for beetles! Like, the sort of gay where all the guys are totally masculine, and if someone isn't totally masculine, they fuck him in the ass just to be safe. NecroMoogler? Has he been raising the dead again Nooo. A bit. A fair bit. Kind of a lot. Haiti's suing him for copyright infringement. Daleks for me are defined by their secret love of Latvian folk music. * moogle|errant is now known as {Moogle} <{Moogle}> Today I learned that if you're not a survivalist and were forced to make improvised bodyarmour out of things lying around the house, a wok breastplate is one of your best bets. <{Moogle}> DO NOT ASK HOW. * {Moogle} is now known as moogle|bacta <{Moogle}> Anyone else heard of Me & Lee? <{Moogle}> It's a psychotic concept for a TV show which has somehow been pitched to a likeminded lunatic and optioned for next season. <{Moogle}> The premise is that a guy gets messed up in some kind of accident. Like proper messed up. <{Moogle}> He is saved by the attentions of actor Lee Majors, star of the Six Billion Dollar Man. <{Moogle}> Turns out that since the show ended, he's become obsessed with bionics and cyberkinetics and has invested a lot of time and money in researching it further. <{Moogle}> To the point where he now has a fully kitted out cyborg lab of some kind. <{Moogle}> Guy gets fixed up, with the conditions that there are now cameras in his eyes and a speaker in his head so that at all times Lee Majors can see what he's doing and communicate with him. <{Moogle}> This is not a dream. <{Moogle}> This was pitched and received. Sorry people. I'm falling asleep at the keyboard here. I'll be by tomorrow when I wake up again. Of course by then you will all be asleep Not all of us. Some of us will be dead. I'm not saying who. That's ok. I like a surprise <{Moogle}> The BBC are great. <{Moogle}> I'd fight for them in the Corp Wars. Vagina terror! Moogle's trying to convince me life is worth saving. Think of all the hookers you'll never be able to murder. If they're already dead, it saves me work. * KiruBanzai is watching Titus. It's a fine film. full of gore and spectacle. and puns. Shakespeare liked his puns. and, of course, Alan Cumming's bare ass. And, yes, block & tackle. In the Munich circus, they called it the Incredible Nightcrawler. <{Moogle}> I don't think Magneto really needs a compass. <{Moogle}> If he can't tell magnetic north... well, I just figure that as a big magnetic object himself, he might get disoriented. like when you point something out to a pet, and it looks at your finger. except Magneto. That's a wonderfully terrible analogy! I know! Breathtaking in its inapplicability. I worked hard at it. <{Moogle}> Feels like everybody got something to say but nothing comes out when they move their lips just a bunch of jibberish motherfuckers act like they forgot about Cthulhu it seems to me that politicians only seem to be useful once they cease being politicians. Bob Dole cheers up, Al Gore does environmental stuff, Carter builds houses for the homeless. Reagan dies. Alex: Because I have a weirdly inconsistent memory. I can't remember what I had for breakfast yesterday, but I can quote Marcus Aurelius in appropriate situations. I'd blame alcohol and head trauma, but I've pretty much always been like this. <^chris_> how's the doings, dog? Not too bad. Going to see more houses tomorrow. <^chris_> burn down the ones you don't like...you know, to teach 'em a lesson Good plan! I'll need gasoline and lighters. I was gonna just take a pen. Morals are a mug's game! * ^chris_ prepares to harm people in rooftop scrabble tonight, which is always a good time My mind has gone several very bad places as I attempted to come up with alternate definitions for 'rooftop scrabble'. This probably means I haven't been getting enough sleep. <^chris_> this is scrabble played on the roofs of buildings ...I'm almost disappointed. <^chris_> fade: sorry mate, sometimes a cigar isn't, infact, a giant pulsating cock It should be. That's just as well. Because, dude, that would make smoking shops a lot creepier. Having a boyfriend that wears colour really screws with my laundry rotation So how goes the qoute-updating? I should probably start another run of that soon. You should indeed Yes! Yay! Preferably some that make me look less like an alcoholic whore! Hey, I don't write 'em, I just collect 'em. {Moogle} It was all downhill from cock, muff, bumhole. KiruBanzai This is the kind of thing that can only be solved with mass purges. Dei I think I need to back up and figure out what you're talking about before agreeing with genocide advocacy. Dei Having Batman in my room would help me sleep, were I a child. thewyrm Man, this chicken parm is awesome. thewyrm I totally win cooking. KiruBanzai Cooking is not over yet! KiruBanzai I can still win it! Dei I hate cooking. Dei I wish I had robots to cook for me. Dei or a girl. thewyrm Cooking is awesome. KiruBanzai Well, you'll never land a man that way. thewyrm It creates delicious food. KiruBanzai But Dog will land several men. thewyrm Well, I need at least four, to ensure there are eight arms. Dei Whew. Managed to go to lunch and come back without raping anyone. FatherDog Mario Brothers started with really insane source material, but rather than try to make sense of it, they wedded it to a really insane script, and then stuck Dennis Hopper and Bob Hoskins in the middle of it. FatherDog It's the best kind of bad movie; the kind of movie that's bad in a million different ways, all of them very unlike the ways in which normal bad movies are bad. FatherDog And never dull. * cappadocius blinks at a Wikipedia notice. cappadocius This article is currently semi-protected to prevent sock puppets of currently blocked or banned users from editing it. Please discuss changes on the talk page, or request unprotection. cappadocius This is an article on PHRYGIA. FatherDog No matter how obscure or minor the subject, there is someone who is trembling with rage over someone else's stupid and wrong opinion on it. KiruBanzai This story about a man distributing DVDs of his ex-girlfriend's sex tape on car windshields raises a question for me. cappadocius How can I get one? cappadocius Kiru: What makes a witch? KiruBanzai A witch is a woman who hates children and wears comfortable shoes. * Dei loves provided conceptual whiplash in his IRC conversations. {Moogle} Glad I didn't go all the way to Tesco, cos I'd be wading back. {Moogle} Possibly canoeing Dei Moogle: Do you have a canoe? {Moogle} No. {Moogle} I could jack one. {Moogle} Grand Theft Canoe: Venice. thewyrm That would be a much slower-paced game. Dei I'm still angry at you people for ditching hereditary peerages. thewyrm You're passionate about strange things. Dei You don't get to determine when tomorrow starts! Dei only Jesus and Jack Bauer get to do that! KiruBanzai Oh man, you know what would be cute. KiruBanzai A Dalek with a row of tiny Daleklings following him around everywhere. KiruBanzai "ASTERMINATE" {Moogle} I have a new ambition. {Moogle} after watching a bunch of Most Haunted on DVD. {Moogle} I want to spend the night in an incredibly haunted house. {Moogle} Taunting ghosts, demanding a show. {Moogle} Flaunting my corporeality by eating lovely cakes and drinking my weak lemon drink. {Moogle} Challenging them to a fight. Oh, what's that? You can't, because you're incorporeal? Ha ha. {Moogle} Number of recorded deaths by ghost: 0 {Moogle} I'll be staying here and singing to you. {Moogle} What are you gonna do about it? KiruBanzai I only programmed my text adventure to have one response. KiruBanzai It's much easier that way. Teo Saves on programming time FatherDog Jordan and Jay's project for of their programming courses was the SUD - Single User Dungeon. FatherDog "You are in a crappy forest." FatherDog "You are in a shitty swamp. FatherDog "You are in a crappy mountain pass. You see a dragon. He's asleep. GET 'IM" FatherDog "He's asleep, GET 'IM" has been an oft-quoted catchphrase at the gaming table for nearly a decade now. cappadocius "Hey, those are really nice boots!" is common in my current group due to their inability to make spot checks. Teo "Say, nice " is a common one. But only because of Terminator movies. cappadocius Shooting Star was slowly getting an in-team catchphrase as "That's it! You're back on probation!" , due to the high incidence of half-baked plans, executed without consulting the rest of us, from the non-founding members of the team. KiruBanzai I think tabbed browsing has reduced my ability to think coherently. KiruBanzai what the fuck did my parents do to the television. PatDeclareHat molested it. KiruBanzai I have to stop mentioning that I have problems in here. KiruBanzai Remind me to do that, Pat. Dei I do not complain about the students that have their shit together. Or the ones who are honest. I will bend the rules for students who say, "Dude. I fucked up. I need help from a higher power." . I will be obstructionist and drag my feet on every request from a student whose story changes every time I talk to him or her, and will roll my eyes openly at their newest doomed command. Dei I have a lot of petty power in this crapshit petty job, and I will exercise every joule of it. PatDeclareHat that's the bureaucratic spirit. PatDeclareHat power to the cogs. Dei OH MY FUCK. "The Last Mimzy" is based on "All Mimsy Were The Borogroves"?! FatherDog Alex: Yes, but in this one instead of eventually just leaving, the kids have to SAVE THE FUTURE! Dei HOLLYWOOD! YOU'VE CROSSED ME FOR THE LAST TIME. Dei We are now arch-enemies. I will not rest until I have crushed you beneath my armored boot. Dei Pray to your gods, Hollywood. I will not be gentle. * Teo imagines meeting some sort of supreme power after he dies, only to be told "No paradise for you, you failed to collect the five hidden items" KiruBanzai That sounds pretty realistic. {Moogle} No, no {Moogle} "Congratulate! You get win!" {Moogle} "Now try Hard mode!" {Moogle} Reincarnated in Sudan. KiruBanzai DAMN YOU, BUS THAT MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO LIE Dei I approve of this. Dei If my Congressional representative weren't evil incarnate on this earth, who withers plants where she steps, whose womb births spiders, whose very presence causes children to be stillborn and animals to panic, I'd be writing her to support this. KiruBanzai sooo. KiruBanzai Old Spice body wash commercial. KiruBanzai two guys are wrestling, one of them has the other in a headlock. KiruBanzai "Your skin" says the choked guy. "It's so soft. It's nice." KiruBanzai "There's no shame in soft skin," says the announcer. KiruBanzai If you're trying to say that your body wash isn't associated with the gays, wrestling may not be the way to go there, champ. KiruBanzai but maybe it's for the gays. Dei There's no shame in the gay. Dei That's what that commercial is saying. Dei It's dog whistle advertising. KiruBanzai Perhaps. KiruBanzai what it's saying, directly, is that even if you have soft, smooth, lovely skin, you can still wrestle a man to the ground and pin him and maybe sit on his face. Dei Yes. Dei That's very manly. Dei Spartans did that all the time. KiruBanzai They sure did. Dei And they were entirely contemptuous of Athenian boy-lovers! Dei I saw it in that documentary! Dei I also learned about War Rhinos in that. Dei It was pretty awesome. Dei FREEDOM! Dei You know what helps me stop from running these things into the ground? Someone interrupting me at ANY point. KiruBanzai Bees and wasps are our friends! KiruBanzai Wasps are our friends that drink all our beer and never invite us over. PatPandaHat I approve of eating chimpanzees to gain their power. {Moogle} got hit on the head and woke up as the most powerful witch on earth. KiruBanzai So all that was standing between her and world domination was a head injury. PatPandaHat like that guy in all the psychology textbooks. PatPandaHat except she got magic instead of a lead pipe through her head. * Dei puts a lead pipe through Pat's head. KiruBanzai you'll make him surly! PatPandaHat ow. PatPandaHat what a splendiferous day! The sun is out and shining, the flowers are in bloom, the animals of the world are fornicating to their content. What joyeous rapture has ensanared me this fine fine day. PatPandaHat Kiru! How are you on this fine day? I hope you're well, as I hope everyone's well-being continues forever and ever. PatPandaHat except Penn. Dei "IN A WORLD... where you saw an angel headbutt a bull, YOU WILL BELIEVE in a world where an angel pilots a mecha and heabutts a robo-bull TO SAVE THE FUTURE" Dei I could totally write movie trailers. KiruBreakfast I find bags that look like other things appealing, but of course not hundreds of dollars' worth of appealing. KiruBreakfast That one's $400. FatherDog It's a nice purse, but for $400 it had better carry itself. FatherDog On a small floating platform. FatherDog With lasers. KiruBanzai Dog doesn't cry! FatherDog It's true. My tears would drown the world. FatherDog In maple syrup. KiruBanzai Right. KiruBanzai Easter has the Easter Bunny. KiruBanzai We must assign animals to all the other holidays. KiruBanzai Animals and the traditional food they mysteriously produce. FatherDog the 4th of July Eagle, which lays eggs full of tasty barbecue sauce. KiruBanzai I nominate the Passover Plover, which builds nests of those crackers. KiruBanzai MLK Day wombat. KiruBanzai Crushing injustice with its ass. KiruBanzai Father's Day seahorse is obvious. FatherDog The Arbor Day Penguin. FatherDog Which produces delicious tree-themed cupcakes. KiruBanzai The Labor Day sloth. KiruBanzai and its kegs. FatherDog The Lincoln's birthday Lemur. FatherDog What food goes with President's day? KiruBanzai what about Mardi Gras? KiruBanzai I don't know. KiruBanzai Lincoln Soup? KiruBanzai The Ash Wednesday Ash Beaver. FatherDog Aren't you supposed to fast on Ash Wednesday? KiruBanzai I guess so. KiruBanzai Halloween bat and candy corn, obviously. KiruBanzai Similarly, a reindeer that births cooked hams. FatherDog The New Year's Eve pony. FatherDog Which urinates champagne. * KiruBanzai nods. KiruBanzai Shrove Tuesday is also called Pancake Day. KiruBanzai So, also a bunny. * FatherDog chuckles. KiruBanzai http://www.creepo.net/images/oolong_desktop.jpg KiruBanzai poor thing. FatherDog Never forget that rabbits are evil, evil creatures. KiruBanzai Like horses? FatherDog Very much like horses. FatherDog Tiny, fuzzy horses. Dei Gee-rist. I'm confused and frightened by this whole job situation. KiruBanzai Isn't it ultimately beneficial for you either way? Dei Kiru: Good things don't happen to me. Something like this is always followed by something horrible. * {Moogle} drowns Dei FatherDog There, now the horrible part's out of the way. FatherDog You can enjoy the good thing! {Moogle} It's a simple service I provide. KiruBanzai Honest Moogle's Discount Drownings. FatherDog "Bought Any Illegal Software From A Spammer, Lately?" is one of the titles in my spam folder. FatherDog It seems so conversational. Dei *Have* you? FatherDog Not to my knowledge. FatherDog Also, "Raise ejaculation volume". FatherDog Is /volume/ a serious concern for people? KiruBanzai No thank you. KiruBanzai "Raise ejaculation density." Teo Hello Moogle Cybermoogle SALUTATIONS. Cybermoogle WH * Cybermoogle falls over face down KiruBanzai aww. * Teo raises an eyebrow Teo Rust? * KiruBanzai gets the oil can * Teo strips moogles circuits of precious metals * KiruBanzai is now known as KiruBath Teo Kiru takes a lot of baths doesn't she? Teo Sensible of her Cybermoogle Flesh is unsanitary. Cybermoogle Inefficient. Teo I like my inefficiencies just fine thank you * FatherDog installs Vista on Moogle. * KiruBath is now known as KiruBanzai Teo The mermaid returns KiruBanzai I'm a selkie! FatherDog You're precisely what a Cybermoogle needs. FatherDog A waterproof seal. FatherDog *rimshot* Teo *headshot* FatherDog That was probably well-deserved. {Moogle} I seem to have torn the plastic wrapper and outer casing of this AA battery to pieces while watching this film {Moogle} It smells nice. {Moogle} like old copper FatherDog Or blood. {Moogle} Yup. FatherDog Maybe there are underlying reasons you're up all night not eating. {Moogle} Erm. {Moogle} Perhaps I've said too much. * KiruBanzai is now known as KiruBloodShower KiruBloodShower virgin soft! PatPandaHat hurray! PatPandaHat Keely Bathory! KiruBanzai Marijuana: Your ticket to homosexual incest! fadethecat And now someone below my window is whining about their AA meetings. fadethecat Alcoholics Anonymous! Embrace the anonymity and /stop talking about it/ already! Moogle, why the suddent interest in falconing? <{Moogle}> Gordon Ramsay was hunting with one in the current episode of The F Word <{Moogle}> hunting hare <{Moogle}> because shotguns mess up the carcass and hunting with dogs is banned <{Moogle}> huge fucking bird launched from your arm is cleaner and legal and stylin' As soon as it gets popular, neds will be buying them in lieu of katanas. The same way white trash meth dealers in America have pit bulls. I dunno. Birds are really fucking hard to care for properly. I foresee subsequent sharp rises in sales of eyepatches and half-masks. and a lot more likely to go fo... yes. "I often think there should exist a special typographical sign for a smile — some sort of concave mark, a supine round bracket, which I would now like to trace in reply to your question." -Nabokov, 1959 It's /his/ fault. Batman is asexual due to years of dedicated repression. * PatPandaHat (rroma.phur@6ca5ed1a.14055b0e.69.73.imsk) has joined #sluagh * ChanServ gives channel operator status to PatPandaHat Like Pat. what are we demeaning by a comparison to me? Batman. Mm. I'll allow it. * the-fiend (turner23@6ca5ed3e.6ca5ed59.124.243.imsk) has joined #sluagh holla. * FatherDog kicks fiend in the beard oof/ How's life in Brisvegas? good/ i have a house that protectsme from the cold and friends to visit to feed me and a job that pays me to tell americans that they are stupid. I want that job. how can I get that job? It's funnier if you run away, though. Almost anything you do to someone is funnier if you run away afterwards. Even sex? hm. Especially sex. I shall return! Later. Possibly much later. We'll see. have fun! cheat death! Will do! (he's terrible at Streetfighter) Hrm. Well, tell me more about the type of campaign we're looking at. Is it going to involve lots of travel? Violence? Intrigue? Epic quests for higher purposes? General greed? Well, ideally, a large part of it is going to be shaped by the player character's decisions and desires. Meaning, there will be murder and arson. almost certainly. Murder and arson. Check. We do a lot of arson, as players. I've noticed that. Kiru: It's the first and most basic tenet of D&D. "When in doubt, burn it." Closely followed by "Never leave any place until it's stripped completely bare of valuables, and on fire." These are primarily thief tenets, but most characters in D&D are basically thieves regardless of character class. I'm thinking I'm going to play a businesslike, pessimistic Holar who works for or is attached to the family of fade's character. The personality should be a fun counterbalance, and it'll probably provide entertaining interaction with Thing's scheming, self-centered, sexually ambiguous Zzabur. Which I have groundlessly assumed he'll be playing. ...is there actually a God of Progress Through Explosions? According to Thing, yes. I'm starting to warm to Glorantha. I wish all of you would come visit me. You could do it for my birthday. I'm 26 in August. If I were going to visit Arizona, you may rest assured it wouldn't be in August. Dog speaks for all sane men. Also, I'm very proud that I can talk about "elk vs moose virginity" and none of you even blink long enough to acknowledge it. The high today was 96 What's making this summer suck is that it is extraordinarily humid. <^chris_> christ, a bit much that, alex <^chris_> where's that damned weather control device you'd always promised? in my pants. my pants have been a no-fly zone for a while now. How do you keep 'em closed, then? Buttons? * Dei stabs Dog in the eye. * Dei stabs Dog in the eye. If you have time for wisecracks, you have time for HeroQuest! I can wisecrack without thinking! character histories require thought! You don't want the kind of character that I can detail without thinking. There'll be more arson than you want. <^chris_> is that even possible? I assure you it is. Dog, you will write your narrative soon, or I will fly to New Jersey and have oral sex with your girlfriend! Don't think I won't! <^chris_> dog doesnae have a girlfriend <^chris_> he has someone nice he keeps locked in a cupboard If you tie them correctly you don't need to lock it. He's building her a rape rack in the basement. "surprise sex rack" that's what I said. <^chris_> don't forget frilly pink bows <^chris_> they love that kind of shite Heya, fade. Heya! I'm in Canada. It's a lot like the US, except everything is written twice. Because I am terrified of making fashion choices. I like to think of them as fashion problems. Which I must solve in a limited amount of time before leaving the house. This is because I'm an enormous nerd. But a fashionable one. My ideal outfit is naked with a utility belt. I hate waiting months for the next volume of something. That's what frustrates me about the Berserk Manga. Although I understand why it takes so long. At this point I'm just hoping Muira finishes it before he dies. is that likely? Pat: Well, he's been doing it since approximately 1987. He's not done yet. oi. I'm not sure how old he is, but I assume at least in his 40's. Also, Guts hasn't become a Rabbi superhero or started reciting his version of the Koran. Dave Sim can eat a dick, is basically what I'm saying. NOBODY'S MADE OF BROCCOLI I'm vaguely confused and I crave cake. ...dammit. Now I'm feeling guilty, and I haven't even oppressed a native yet. This is where you reply to him, or else I start fantasizing about lesbian sex again. Lesbians are something I think we can all get behind. Well, I would be one of these lesbians. me and Jessica Biel. totally muffin' it up. It's weird and kinda creepy, which is why I can't stop thinking about it. Tell me something cute and cheap I can buy on ebay taht will make me momentarily happy Maya: A thai orphan! a vibrator! A puppy with no legs. Squirming with love! So, I got a good read of Delta Green. yay! I like the idea of the "cowboy" years. mostly because it just goes totally against Lovecraft to just take up the, "fuck understanding it, does it catch on fire?" stance. Actually, there are several stories like that. There's, in fact, one where the protagonist actually has a fucking flamethrower. by Lovecraft? yes. huh. I suppose I shouldn't be that surprised. I mean, he wrote a story that ended with a cop driving a boat into a GOO's head. Aha! Alex: So when we tried to burn down the haunted house in your CoC game, we were being totally in genre! Dog: No, you were being arsonists. ./in genre/ arsonists. Hey, fiendicus. Hard at work? Or is that unprofessional? hardly working. I really don't need to know how it's working, thanks. hrmm. Alyson Hannigan looks hot as a brunette. Or... darker redhead. Whatever that color is. She *is* hot. Alyson Hannigan would still look pretty hot if you replaced her hair with live eels. ........ Dog: Look, freak, we're not all tentacle fanciers. FD, i hate to say it, but there is some truth to that statement. Alex: Just me and Thing, apparently. and I dislike college students on basic philosophical principle. Pat: That basic philosophical principle being that college students are people? Dog: si! It's more that you hate college students on anthropological principle. Dog: It's a principle rooted somewhere in the humanities. I have the keen eye of the autistic-spectrum normal. <^chris_> heyas all, i'm not dead, by the way chris: I basically assume you're going to somehow outlive us all on account of being too cussed to die. <^chris_> hrmm...why am i finding misery so much more enjoyable than the new harry potter book? because you touch yourself. <^chris_> alex: i wouldn't /deny/ that i touch myself, but, certainly not when reading misery chris: While I do believe you, if someone asked me to make a shortlist of people in channel that might masturbate while reading about someone being kneecapped, you'd probably be on it. Am I on it? the shortlist? Alex: No, I figure you'd be more likely to masturbate over scenes of emotional crippling than physical. that seems unkind. Kiru: "Unkind, but accurate" would make a good epitaph for me, I feel. Actually, you know who I can't help but think looks like a chimp and it makes me feel like a racist? Rosie Perez. As long as we're saying things that might be construed as racist, Jay-Z is /hideous/. but Beyonce crazy dances for him! I don't think Rosie Perez looks like a chimp, but she does look like a poorly constructed muppet. Jay-Z looks like someone with a serious head injury. Puffy looks retarded. 50 Cent actually /is/ retarded. I actually like rap, but there appears to be some sort of law of reactions where the top popular rappers are exactly as inbred, stereotypical and retarded as the top country acts. * FatherDog chuckles. <^chris_> why do i feel like everytime dog chuckles, a baby dies? It's not so much dies, chris, as is born soulless, an empty vessel waiting to be used as a shell by a maddening entity of the outer dark I chuckle a lot. On the other hand, babies die all the time. <^chris_> coincidence? <^chris_> i dare say not! "Arizona war worker writes her Navy boyfriend a thank-you note for the Jap skull he sent her." TRULY THE GREATEST GENERATION I need to become less panicked. Does anyone know of something soothing and happy I could stare at for a few minutes? Well, there are all those monkey links from last night. <{Moogle}> Yes! <{Moogle}> Or this <{Moogle}> http://tinyurl.com/25z2ml Relink me? Nooo, that's not helping. <{Moogle}> You're just not looking at it long enough. <{Moogle}> FOCUS I suppose #sluagh really isn't the place to look for help when I'm having a nervous breakdown. Fade: http://cuteoverload.com/ Then there's its sister site, Cunt Overload, which is just pictures of adorable vaginas. The captions give them funny accents. Kiru: You're joking. Yes. Yes I am. * PatPandaHat (rroma.phur@14055b0f.14055b0e.69.73.imsk) has joined #sluagh * ChanServ gives channel operator status to PatPandaHat Hey, Hatzo. What are you up to on this balmy Florida evening? I was gambling. gambling with my life. my life is apparently worth three greyhound races and a turn at a slot machine. The woman whose office is opposite mine at work often brings her greyhounds in with her. They frequently poke their nose in curiously, intrigued by my chicken. Anyway, where the hell do you even find dog-races? at the dog track? I mean, I don't really intend to go to any, but they always seemed anachronistic, like things that didn't actually happen anymore. Florida! Where the nachronism goes to die. Like after the dog track, you should be going to a speakeasy to drink gin slings and listen to that crazy negro music. ... was I not supposed to do that? anyway, most animal-related sports is horrid and cruel. But, really, what else are we going to do with animals? *Not* race them? Madness. yes! I figure we can restrict our racing to horses, since horses are horrible monsters anyway. Either that, or race more visually entertaining things. I for one would like to see rhinoscerus races. * FatherDog squints at "rhinoserus", which fails to look right no matter how he spells it rhinosaurus. yes. The nose lizard. I want whale racing. That would be pretty cool, but difficult to see all the action. Pat: Orcas genetically engineered to have hundreds of centipede legs. yes! noooooo though that'd probably have all sorts of unintended consequences. If by unintended you mean AWESOME like them killing us all and taking over the planet. Like creeping me the fuck out. Amaya: Actually, to be libel wouldn't you have had to write down that it's interesting given the previous habits of the management? She wrote it to him online. Does instant messaging count as speech or print? It seems like an interesting question. I'd guess it counts as speech, because it's not widely disseminated. It's not a form of mass media. So I would, in fact, call it slander. Er. If it was untrue. yes, but would me saying that Moogle was a sheep-shagging layabout whore here be libel or slander? since there's at least six other witnesses. Again, I'm gonna say slander, unless the transcripts are published online. so, really the malkquotes are just one huge documentation of libel cases. Right. <{Moogle}> Retroactive allegedly on everything, or kill Dog? <{Moogle}> Votes? Didn't you recently have a girlfriend, the fiend? that is correct kiru. Am I to suppose that this was a platonic girlfriend, whom you admired solely for her platonic qualities? no, she had a smashing set of breasts. Also, I save all of my really scary stuff for naked women and animals. I enjoyed playing it yesterday a lot. Even though there was no food. There was plenty of food. You never asked and you never looked for any! According to The Physiology of Taste; or, Transcendental Gastronomy, by Brillat Savarin, "He who receives friends and pays no attention to the repast prepared for them, is not fit to have friends." He's French, so fuck him. Also, "To invite a person to your house is to take charge of his happiness as long as he be beneath your roof." But mostly, "A dessert without cheese is like a beautiful woman who has lost an eye." "The order of drinking is from the mildest to the most foamy and perfumed." "The table is the only place where one does not suffer from ennui during the first hour." "The discovery of a new dish confers more happiness on humanity, than the discovery of a new star." Why are you reading books by fat people? <{Moogle}> I have constructed an impressive looking pizza. <{Moogle}> Gordon Ramsay would be like "o my cock, that'sa good pizza" Then would he touch his cock? or someone else's? Is Gordon Ramsay straight? Yeah. He was a football player, though. So he's learned, necessarily, to defend himself against gaylegations by constantly referring to his balls. I liked the crawdads I had at one Outback. but then the Gulf Coast washed away, and I couldn't have those anymore. YOU'RE JEWISH I felt bad about it! God felt worse. I was discouraged by how difficult it was to turn Samuel L. Jackson's entire oeuvre into "X on a Xane" constructions. Black Snake Moan? Skank on a Chain. Pulp Fiction? I'm working on it. Also, does it have to be a film he had a major role in, or just one he was in? Just one he was in. there's Unbreakable. Breaks like a pane. also, sharks getting slain. <{Moogle}> that's good Or Sharks After Thomas Jane. <{Moogle}> Sharks with big brains. Oh, I have Pulp Fiction. Feet & Cocaine Wandering The Earth Like Motherfucking Kane? You're on the food chain works for several of these. Notably Jurassic Park. But what about The Incredibles? Suits tightly reined? Jason Lee is a Pain? You know, I've never actually *seen* more than one or two scenes from Name of the Rose the book is quite well done, though. Sean Connery looks nothing like his character is described, of course. Yeah. You have to sort of pretend that Sean Connery is English and a scholar. Sean Connery is not going to pretend those things for you. Who'd win in a fight? Harry Potter or Anakin Skywalker? The viewing public. the fanfic writers. if I were rich, I'd decorate one of the rooms of my house like I was a retired spaceman, with rayguns and alien heads on the walls and stuff. Alex: That would be /awesome/. Dog: and I'd have a room like I was a retired Call of Cthulhu investigator, and my library would have superhero busts instead of the usual dead white men private libraries have. I'm like a 10 year old sometimes. <^chris_> alex, if you come over here you'd prolly have to beat the love off with a stick chris: Why would so many people love me? <^chris_> alex: you're adorable in your gloom and hate? oh. So you're just lying. <^chris_> alex, /i/ haven't had excessive trouble <^chris_> you're at least 10x as suave And not filled with jangling metal. or smelling like the inside of a corpse. <^chris_> hey hey hey! <^chris_> the insides of corpses smell pretty fucking rank <^chris_> just what are you implying here, pat? that you fish around the inside of corpses, chris. For metal. * ^chris_ quick autopsies pat (using the new octo-doc [pat.pending] <^chris_> you're not exactly a bed of roses yourself now, panda boy but he will be soon! I was never promised a rose garden. You were never promised a rose-free torso, either. Moogle has a rose garden, inadvertantly. I don't think because of corpses. But to be fair I haven't asked him. Given that it's Ayr, it might be because of corpses even without his direct action. <{Moogle}> I'm up to date. <{Moogle}> Megagoats and so forth. <{Moogle}> That's why you liked that line. <{Moogle}> You have a goat obsession, or goatcession. goatcession sounds like it should be what you have if you have a dearth of goats. your goats have disappeared! Perhaps they've run away, or been stolen. You're in the middle of a goatcession. are you a bad enough dude to save your goats? <{Moogle}> No. too bad! Yeah, I can really just get more goats. From the sea. They wash up on the strand. goats of the sea? like tiger sharks? hm. gene-splicing goats and tiger sharks would be a nice mad scientist experiment. wouldn't you enjoy cutting open goats to find license plates, a tire, some tin cans, grass and half a 7-year old girl? <{Moogle}> that would've made the indianapolis that much creepier Yes, but only if I can then put the goat back together with a hinge. <{Moogle}> imagine, your ship has gone down and you've been treading water for hours <{Moogle}> it's dark and you're cold <{Moogle}> then the splashing <{Moogle}> splashing and bleating <{Moogle}> doing the goat-paddle towards you through the water * {Moogle} shows off his goat attack scars Little horns sticking up out of the water. but you delivered the bomb, right? Everyone wants to know where goats come from. I provide the answers people are looking for. Also, please stop thinking about me having gay sex. Okay, sleeping it is time for. Yoda, off can fuck. Hrm. $120 for the entire Ai Yori Aoshi manga set. I didn't care much for Ai Yori Aoshi. Yes but I'm a girl. Amaya: I own all of the Fruits Basket Manga and the entirety of Revolutionary Girl Utena. YOu may also be a girl I own Kino's Journey (well, Maus owns it), the Robotech Macross Saga, and Cowboy Bebop. Am I a girl? No, you're a scifi geek. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBm9nvlAokw ... and that's why you don't drop nukes, folks. In all fairness, gigantic-testicled tanuki have been part of Japanese folklore since centuries before the nuclear bomb was anything more than a fevered gleam in Oppenheimer's eye. Golf commentators must think golf is the most important thing in the world. That's how you get the job. "How do you feel about golf?" "Well, I enjoy it from time to time." "NEXT!" "How do you feel about golf?" "I named my son Five Wood, and my daughter lost her virginity to a ball washer at my command. If I didn't have golf, I would have to kill myself and my family." "You're hired!" "I have yet to be unhappy with any girl I was with taking off her shirt." I can think of several counterexamples to that. <{Moogle}> Lizzy Borden Well, I'd rather someone not try to kill me with an axe, but if she's going to anyway, she might as well be shirtless. Dog: Make Pat run a Changeling: the Lost game! Do it, Pat, or I'll make threatening gestures that I'll work out later. They'll be threatening. ./So/ threatening. Also I'll send parr to shortsheet your bed and toilet paper your house. the best "men are like this and women are like this" bit of any comedy routine, ever <{Moogle}> yeahuh In my (correct) opinion. I have to admit that my reaction to almost all of those bits is "They are? What? When?" Eddie Murphy: "Women who eat salads have moved from another town, where they were sluts!" What are you talking about? Where did this come from? Why is everyone laughing like that makes sense? Yeah, I do recall most of Eddie Murphy's whole bit on dating in RAW being really confusing. I thought it was just due to me being very young when I first heard it. But then I listened to it again recently and it's /still/ confusing. Well, I realize why that is now. It's because Eddie Murphy's humorous generalizations have been drawn from many years of dating female impersonators. ....in retrospect that /does/ explain a lot. The taser now comes in several sporty colors. It still won't stop Batman. Could a Bat-Taser stop Batman? No. well, wait. I was going to deride the idea that bats are Batman's weakness. But they kind of are. Thhere was that great Batman Black & White story. I have to go read that again. Where the Scarecrow makes Batman paralyzingly bat-phobic. I'm going to come out in support of superheroes that reveal their one weakness in their very names. That's an idea whose time has come. Rapidly Flashing Lights Causing Grand Mal Seizures Man! Peanut Allergy Man Transsexual Hookers Lad. Father Figure Girl Type 2 Diabetes Man Vulnerable-to-Bullets Man. Really Liked Atlas Shrugged Boy Kid Baldur Lactose-Intolerant Lass Sexually Abused Repeatedly By Multiple Family Members Over The Course Of Her Childhood Woman. Strawmanman Kryptonite Man Iron Lung Boy. My Parents Are Dead Man Rotschrek Martian The Jerk From Underwater. That's Sexually Attracted To Fish Man. Is not! There's two jerks from underwater. one is just a jerk. Oh, right. I forgot Namor. Well, see how you like it when you can't breath oxygen under the rising tides as your land-based society melts the polar icecaps, bitch. or, as I like to call him, Wings On Ankles Horribly Sensitive Man. Addicted To Vicodin Man. Mister Sensitive. Alocholic Asshole Wife-Beater Man. Married to Wife-Beater Man Lady. Racist Man Serial Killer Man. And his arch-nemesis, Reverse Racist Man. She goes out and gets the shit beat out of her by Ultron every other week, and nobody calls Ultron "sexual predator robot" I think it's a little unfair that Hank hit Janet once and he's forever wife-beater man. that's because he destroyed an entire nation on television. She lets Ultimate Captain America stick it in her butt, and nobody calls him Captain Miscegnation. genocide kind of trumps most cards. hrm. Hairy Midget Man. Ugly Fishlady Lady. Miss Rabid Defense Of Poorly Thought-Out Political Opinions Appropriated Native Culture Man. Naive Girl Blue Jay heh. Only Dog would appreciate that one. Gay French-Canadian Lad. Cuckold Boy Schizophrenic French-Canadian Lass. Friends With Booster Gold * KiruBanzai laughs Crippled Girl. Lesbian Man Crippled Old Guy. Fear Of Spiders Man Dating A Popular 90s Superhero Girl Unaccompanied Underage Children Pack. Listless Man and Irrelevant Boy. Superman's Friend Jimmy Olsen Superman's Girlfriends Lois Lane and Lana Lang. Superman's Boss Perry White. Pussy Man Written by Garth Ennis Dude. BDSM Origins Woman Incoherent Backstory Woman Undermined By Yellow Guy. Guy Gardner. The Editor in Chief Doesn't Like The Last 25 Years of Your Continuity Man The Triskadecaphobia Titan Can't Sit Still Man. Just One More Beer Man Girl Robin Second Robin Kitty Pryde Uncle to Spiderman Man. Retconned For Furries Man Used As Anti-Russian Propaganda Man. Recently Gaystar Heavy Handed Moral Lesson Person Recently Gay Zombiestar. Greek Name Girl. Blind Lawyer From Hell's Kitchen Man. Name Has Developed Sexual Connotations Since Her Creation Girl Girl Speedster Created As A Keith Giffen Era Justice League Style Speedster Character In Campaign Featuring Lots of Combat And With A Bunch of D&D Playing Min-Maxers and Not Very Flexible GM Girl. Lady Drawn By Liefeld Poor Girl Speedster CAAKGEJLSSCICFLCAWABD&DPMMNVFGMG. fade? oh. You were abbreviating her name. I thought you were having a seizure. Lady Thinly-Veiled Parody Character of Another Comic Company. The Throwaway Conflicting Backstories Man Married A Robot And Wanted Children Lady. Only Remembered By Grant Morrison Man Dating Peter Parker Girl Professor Exposition Written by Warren Ellis Guy Written Into A Frank Miller Story Chick. Smells Like Fertilizer Thing Created by Steve Ditko Boy Dr. Not So Funny Now That the Russian Prime Minister Acts Exactly Like Him. Dr. Abandonment Issues dammit. Got a kiss from the creepy drunk, and the cop shoots me. <{Moogle}> ... <{Moogle}> You should go to the hospital! <{Moogle}> Also, um. I just unlocked Blade in Marvel Ultimate Alliance. <{Moogle}> Actually, I won him out of a giant claw prize machine thing. <{Moogle}> That's unique. I don't have the ingredients to get the MPD Narcoleptic Doctor to kiss me yet. What are we being trained for that we talk about the madness of video games so coolly? What is Japan's scheme? <{Moogle}> Blade <{Moogle}> Luke Cage <{Moogle}> Black Panther <{Moogle}> Who shall be my fourth? <{Moogle}> Members of this custom super group. <{Moogle}> Tentatively called NWA Reed Richards. "Hey, dogs!" "What is the haps, yo! I'm down!" Hell, I remember when you had to go looking for open ftp servers to get mp3s. And often they were ratio servers. I don't know what that means. They were ftp servers set up so that in order to download data, you had to upload a certain amount of data first. In theory, this meant that the owner would continually be getting new and interesting music. huh. In practice, it meant their upload directory was always full of really horrifying pornography, and occasionally core files. <{Moogle}> What you call Caffeine is in fact the Quintessential stuff of the universe. <{Moogle}> The dreams that stuff is made of. * EqD (ms@14055a3a.6ca5ed5d.217.69.imsk) has joined #sluagh * EqD touches Dog lovingly with a cattle prod * Dei touches Equus lovingly with his penis. that's kind of gay yes. I've discovered, thanks to Kiru showing me Jam, that if it's creepy, it's not gay. She's lying I dunno. That feels right. Hi Dei, ED hi Spyral. * Dei touches Equus lovingly with Spyral's penis. hey now, my penis ain't no whore your ovaries are, though! well yeah hrm. how the hell are we going to both get troops out and prevent a genocidal bloodbath? We're not! next question? What did you do with your soul, anyway, Pat? Hid it. Whenever I see my dog's eyeshine I'm reminded that he's a wild, primitive, nocturnal creature that would happily hunt me if he were larger. whereas with my cat, it's just by seeing my cat. "There's my cat. She'd kill me given half a chance." I find the idea of a giant Welsh Corgi as comic as it is horrifying. its stumpy legs the size of redwood trunks. Mass Murder does free up a lot more options. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boris_Sagal Y'know, when two people manage to walk into the rotor blades of a helicopter and die within a year of each other, I don't think 'freak accident' really describes it. "Retarded accident" "Suicide by copter" man, killing eyes is going on the list right after invulnerable robot body. I'd like to visit monkeys, but I'm afraid they wouldn't like me, and then I'd be sad. Alex: Animals seem to like you, generally. domesticated animals! and babies! nature's retards! things that hate humanity in general. I'm wise to them. the babies and the domesticated creatures. they hate humanity, and respond well to fellow haters. we're their collaborators. I tend to get into fights with birds. I, um, do dominance displays at them. because I think it's funny when they start screaming at me. do you not like birds? I AM DOMINANT TO BIRDS. they will acknowledge me. Birds are lame Dogs are awesome dogs suck. DIE IN A DITCH, DOGS RULE Man... I wanna know just how fresh out of uni my ungineerling is One should not have to explain to someone working on production support of customer facing telecomms systems what Integration Testing is SHIT ON HIS CHEST You raise a valid point. Alex: Your conflict resolution strategies lately have been a trifle one-note. I'm sorry. It just seems to work for Amaya. a fuck whore will cuddle you happily. For money. thus was born the concept of the escort. but fuck whores are shaped all wrong. for cuddling. whores come in all shapes and sizes. * Dei shrugs. "Je pr?f?re ma petite chatte d'amour" I, too, prefer your small cat of love. That's probably a filthy French euphemism. I usually assume that anything French that someone bothers to quote is either a filthy euphemism or Satre. Possibly both. I find women best-looking when they're wearing casual clothing and no makeup. Which means I seldom find any lesbian porn I actually like. Sad. Wait, that only followed from earlier in the conversation in my head, didn't it? I don't know if my mother even knows ten bands. Your mother secretly loves The Cure. And she's seen GWAR in concert twice. FD is incapable of falsehood Thing knows the truth. If I had a penis, I'd get it out all the time, at the slightest provocation. why? Normal male penises are utterly unremarkable except when throbbing and tumescent. Pshaw. They're fascinating creatures. <{Moogle}> I probably would too. <{Moogle}> But there's police and society and stuff. they're limp, floppy tubes of flesh. So are dachshunds, but everyone loves them. I've also never seen why certain women are always going on and on about how beautiful the vagina is. and the flower thing. If I saw a flower that looked like a pussy, I'd shriek and set it on fire. Kiru: dachsunds have penises. I know that. THAT'S why everyone loves them. I also feel I should defend the vagina. Or possibly flowers. oh for fuck's sake. One is called "My Vagina Writes Poems." no man's dick writes poetry <{Moogle}> My cock plays the sousaphone. <{Moogle}> I like paganism, though. <{Moogle}> Gets you outdoors. <{Moogle}> Sometimes to burn a guy alive, but usually not. Paganism in America is about 60% The Craft-based. and the other 40% Ren Faire based. I'm all for going out and giving thanks to the trees and fucking in a hedge. Just don't be so gay about it. And all humans need handholds just below the ribs so you can grab onto something whilst being gentlemanly and cuddling. Without making it seem as though you're going for the crotch or estimating their fat content. ugh, I hate seeing a Ford F-1000 or whatver they're up to now barrelling down on me in my rearview mirror whenever I drive to Longmont. Kiru: that's why I stop looking in the rear view mirror once I've picked a lane. You know, if I keep talking about driving, Kiru is never ever going to get in a car with me behind the wheel again. Dei: I've accepted that I will one day die. <{Moogle}> hah <{Moogle}> thread about some (mishandled, but that's irrelevant) promotion between Ubisoft and McDonalds, where they're giving away games like Prince of Persia: Sands of Time and Far Cry for free, albeit with in-game ads <{Moogle}> Ads which play whenever you load or reload. <{Moogle}> "I now associate death and failure with McDonalds." Y'know, I didn't set out with this conversation to try killing Dei. yet somehow I'm drawn towards that goal. We have to start with a /basis/ for monkey shoes before we can build monkey shoe fetishism on top. WHY CAN'T YOU GRASP THIS BASIC MONKEY SHOE PRINCIPLE <{Moogle}> 4am <{Moogle}> time to stalk the night I think <{Moogle}> stalk it as far as the post box <{Moogle}> post things <{Moogle}> stalk home I can't decide what's worse. That Second Life has a place where you can get adorable baby unicorn accessories by letting a unicorn statue have sex with you, or that I'm not surprised at all to find this out. well, now I want to know what the nature of Greek marriage was. So far I know that 1. the guy would have sex with boys on the side and 2. the woman would remain indoors during the duration of her life. That's roughly it. I don't know if they'd have lesbian sex to pass the time. yeah, no one really knows that. I read a book about it. "We don't know what the women of Greece did, but here's the lesbain sex I think they were having." on an unrelated note... how would you, were you organizing an Immortals Convention, determine who got an invite and who didn't? Alex: Have all invitations delivered by assassins. not necessarily that kind of immortal. have a really old man in his 100s, and a sign that says, "you must be older than this man to enter." you guys are characteristically unhelpful. Historians. A riddle concerning events they were there to witness. "What color was Jesus?" "Please answer in the form of coffee." Alonso==FatherDog Agata==PatPandaHat I appear to have stranded myself on Rhino Island. Make a raft out of rhinos. Sail east. <{Moogle}> Don't be a fool, east is certain death. Lies. <{Moogle}> Sail west, into the setting sun. East is where all the spices are. <{Moogle}> East is full of pirates. <{Moogle}> West, mermaids. <{Moogle}> Sail west. The setting sun will set your rhino raft aflame! You'll sail off the edge of the earth! Sodomy and the Piratical Tradition is still one of the best speculative homosexual history books I've read. I recommend it to anyone who wants to imply that people in the past were homos. I'm watching Supernatural S2, and creating more Changeling characters for reasons which escape me. It gives you deep satisfaction. In your loins. no. loins is mostly for porn-only satisfaction <{Moogle}> how strange <{Moogle}> not that. <{Moogle}> that's not strange, I don't think. Maybe it is. <{Moogle}> Not dwelling. "His scrotum was wrinkled, with a few vague patches of hair, much like the vague patches of self-awareness that I was beginning to show in these, the first years of high school." <{Moogle}> Um, OJ Simpson was arrested in connection with an armed robbery? <{Moogle}> that... Yeah. <{Moogle}> why would he... <{Moogle}> I'm confused. He says he had stuff stolen from him and was running his own investigation to get it back. Whereupon he was arrested for stealing things. <{Moogle}> That's unusual. <{Moogle}> You're off the case, Nordberg! <{Moogle}> You're a loose cannon! <{Moogle}> Give me your badge and gun. <{Moogle}> And gloves, and knife. HAH HAH HAH! FUCK YOU, ROBERT JORDAN! I win! Take it up your cold, dead ass! * Penn_Williams gloats a bit more before going to sleep. Robert Jordan died? aw. Jordan is dead! There will be no end to that shitty series! Praise Allah, my Murder-thoughts killed him good and dead! I have a hard time gloating over anyone's death. I'm obviously more of a cock-sucker than you are. I think I'm using my microkinesis to slow the internet down. Watching the TF2 like a hawk. Like a watched pot. Like a pot of hawk. Tasty, tasty hawks. Or is that a hawk watching a pot. I don't know that they really understand cookery. I understand pot. Boy do I. <^chris_> well...damnit...now i have to buy you drinks * ^chris_ realizes this could easily break his bank chris: It is unwise to commit to buying either myself or Amaya drinks unless you have a very high credit line. why is it disco! Every song should have a disco version. That would be awesome. that statement is very in-character. I applaud your consistency, Dog. I do strive for consistency. Consistency, and poon. * amhorach has quit () * Amaya|Work looks up how do I always manage to miss amhorach Because you touch yourself. Ah. True. I think it may be payment for all the violent hentai. God is judging. * FatherDog judges Amaya 9.7 <^chris_> hey...what's the average size of a human eyeball? Sometimes you worry me then the horrific Republican female spokesperson would flash her breasts. oh, that reminds me. nothing that reminds you of can be good. <^chris_> oh, and, excitement! i think i'm getting my new tattoos this thursday (or firday, which is a source of consternation) Oh! Tattoos! Good for you! What are they of? a shark fighting a bear in space and the shark has robot legs <^chris_> mechanical eyeball spiders with cable bundles for the optic nerve <^chris_> that's amazing kiru, that's exactly what i wasthinking for the next one damn, I should have said "robot spider legs". st nb' Dei's cat is being chatty tonight. dccccccccccccccc;' Either that or Dei's having a seizure and trying to summon help. So now I'm apparently an expert on hedgehog sex and dominant seventh chords. I AM NOT AN EXPERT ON EITHER OF THOSE THINGS. I long for a return to barbarian fashion. <^chris_> that's fabulous I think we can't be that far from it. OGL will probably be the Japanese sub-culture response to Mad Max. <^chris_> do we have to wait until the oil runs out and society collapses? <^chris_> i'm not a patient man, is all particularly as Japan becomes more and more posthuman. The urban shaman culture will mix with the decline of society into dystopia, and create OGL. <^chris_> can we toss in carcosa, just for giggles? I dunno. It might fuck up the flow. you gotta establish a baseline before you start altering it with elegant psuedo-Edwardian eldritch-art fashion. <^chris_> saa...more waiting sorry. <^chris_> s'okay, not like its your fault <^chris_> or...is it, Mr. Green? nope. carcosa is just a red herring. <^chris_> can...can i kill you just to be sure? you can try. Remember, he's a Jew, so you have to drive a stake through his crotch and shoot him with a gold bullet to make sure he stays dead. * ^chris_ drowns pat in a convienient vat of carbolic acid * PatPandaHat rises on the third day and eats chris' brains. See? you forgot the other thing. To ensure they stay dead, you need to watch the corpse for a couple days, bury the whole body in a wooden box, with a copy of the Torah under their head. 2,000 years ago somebody forgot and everything got fucked up for everybody. I hate sleeping. I love it! You always say that. I would sleep all day if it was economically feasible. I'd go to bed at 9 PM and then wake up at 5:30 AM to irritate people who can't do that, and then at 6:30 it's right back to bed until around 3:30. And I'd have awesome adventures in my dreams. With the Devil. a pimp's life is very different from that of a square. Is Trinity Blood the Blood: the Last Vampire tv-series? or is that Blood Plus? or is that the same damn show? Trinity Bllod: The Blood Plus Blood Pat: no, entirely unrelated. okay. Trinity Blood is kind of like you put Hellsing and Trigun in a blender. It's not bad, albeit highly derivative. Blood Blood: The Blendening Trising Plus Blood: the Last Hell Vampire with a Gun. er, ruffly. I was wondering what you meant by ruggly. ruggly is a cool word. What does it mean? maybe it's a synonym for rugged? nah. It's like snuggly... Rugged, yet snuggly. Like a teddy bear made of kevlar. or an octopus with an axe. * Richard_McCart (rlyons@dfe16124.dsl.clsm.28303def.net.hmsk) has joined #sluagh it's also a verb! * KiruBanzai ruggles Thing. it's a combination of wrestle and cuddle, but with malice. I'm sleepy. Keep me awake! fine. how is a raven like a writing desk? Neither is used much in modern necromancy. correct, but not the answer I was looking for. instead, the answer was, "both are part of my complicated plan to kill you over the next week." oh. okay. mhm. so, you gonna stay awake now? why would I? I dunno. fear for your life? meh well, I don't have any better ideas. Amish girls are probably pretty freaky. I base that on wishful thinking. Hey, somebody set the Senate on fire. oh? Not just in the Dick Tracy cartoon? yeah, for reals. The started them in four of the women's restrooms. the fire department quickly squelched this act of patriotism. Are you sure the lady senator(s) weren't just smoking? It's possible. Nobody knows. The fire department says they were "suspicious" fires. They had a shifty way of burning. The fires were looking all shifty, and fled when confronted. I'm kind of in pain. I systematically lifted a bunch of heavy things on wednesday. Yeah, that's why I don't do that sort of thing. heavy things are heavy because they don't want to be moved. You laugh now, but in six weeks I'll be able to lift a truck. Onto another truck. then take pictures so that it looks like the trucks are having sex. six weeks, eh? World shattering apocalypse scheduled for then? Plan to be infused with ancient magical powers that have lain dormant for millennia? No, I'm just going to start a truck porn site. Moogle, is Lil John a good producer? <{Moogle}> I don't know. oh. Are you a good producer? <{Moogle}> no <{Moogle}> but I am a Grand Master Peggler <{Moogle}> One who peggles. I wish I knew a good producer. Also, congratulations on your pegging prowess. <{Moogle}> Peggling. <{Moogle}> You think I don't know about all the slang the kids are using nowadays, but I do. <{Moogle}> I'm hip to the jive. <{Moogle}> It's disgusting, is what it is. the jive? or the peggling? <{Moogle}> The jive. <{Moogle}> Peggling isn't disgusting it's adorable and compelling. <{Moogle}> It may be programming me to kill. <{Moogle}> I don't know though. Someday, I'm going to learn not to assume people have any sort of sense of decorum. * amy-chan returns, dead tired. but hey, at least i got postfix up and running all happy. Good! now make me a sandwich! Pat also wants a sandwich. Hesh wants sex. sudo make me a sandwich I'm not a *nix system. well damn. I'm OS/2 all the way. Pol Pot, Asia's greatest monster. I thought that was Genghis Khan? Surely that's Gojira? oh, I want to change my answer to Moogle's. In the years leading up to 1953, Khrushchev was an ardent Stalinist, carrying out Stalin's orders with uncritical obedience; he earned the nickname "the Butcher of the Ukraine" in the late 1940s. You don't get nicknamed "The Butcher of X" if you're picking dandelions in a field. you do if the person calling you such is a dandelion. He had a reputation for interrupting speakers to insult them. hee. Sorry. I shouldn't find that funny. why not? I think Kruschev as portrayed by Don Rickles would be great comedy. "Mr. Kennedy, you are a hockey puck." Back when I was in college, I often acted as a recording device. Would you people talk a little less? Can't hear m'self think! That'll be the ghosts, haunting your brain Stupid ghosts! To be fair, it's not their fault your brain was built on an ancient indian burial ground. Well, it kind of is. I underbid on the contract. That'll teach you not to hire union. Should I go to Crystal's drawing night thing? yes. That's suspicious, Pat. I honestly can't see how the course of action you've suggested leads to me dying alone in a ditch. Have you been replaced? Are you one of Them? My kitty comes back smelling of the strangest things. for a few days earlier this week, she'd come back smelling of woodsmoke. today she comes back smelling like a pool. Maybe she got a second job as a groundskeeper. Where's my cut? She lives her rent free, I buy all her food, I let her sit on my neck SHE HAS HER OWN CUP She's a damn freeloader! If I could get her to sit in one place and not fall asleep for any length of time, I'd have her be the fourth player. I...admit that I thought you were looking for more qualifications in a player than that. it's D&D. I'd make her the healer. * Richard_McCart just quit his job hurray! now we won't have to beat the shit out of you every Tuesday. Pretty much. I was getting dicked around too much with shifts, Plus, the fact that the one person i was working with most often fucking REFUSED to do restraints, leading to me getting injured....not fucking worth it You sound pretty disgruntled. You should shoot the place up. no no, it's definitely bombs. Hundreds of bombs. Nope. Sneak in, and slip the guys all caffine pills. what was... oh, Conspiracy X (had the thing about a disproportionate number of MKULTRA test subjects ending up in the postal service) You should join the postal service. Deliver letters, outwit dogs. Ffft. I'm not MKULTRA test subject material. Too young. You just don't want to admit that you can't outwit a dog. I can't outwit a dog. My dog. That's not wits, that's quick little legs. And four of them at that. also I routinely admit things. But I'm getting better at that. slowly learning that if I want other people to perceive me as a godlike All-Being, I have to stop telling them about how often I fall down. Any Nupperibos? Dei:Not in this set, but i do have a bunch yay! They're my favorite Least Demons. I know, they're Devils. Shut up. I like the interpretation that they're not actually Baatezu. Baatezu? isn't that Hello kitty's penguin friend with the bad attitude? no, that's Badz Maru. he has condoms well, even a bad attitude doesn't fix things if you knock a girl up. unless you're a bad enough dude to kick a chick in the stomach. fucking upper planes. the lowers don't put up with that shit. you don't see Modrons and Slaadi scampering up and down their side of the wheel. Modrons rule all. SLaadi? Pat:Rapefrogs. They're not rapefrogs. Jeez. Colour Coded rapefrogs. sometimes they'll just eat you. They're the Chaotic Neutral planar race, Pat. oh. so they're the lunatic race? Survival of the Fittest. but, um. yes, they're kind of crazy. * PatPandaHat msot just knows that chaotic neutral is alignment for "my character's a nutter." That's Chaotic Stupid. Honestly, a pure Objectivist would be Chaotic Neutral. Looking out for number A. I have audio CDS for learning Japanese; I should probably actually use them a bit. Yeah I do too but I figured there's no way I"m not gonna get taken for a tourist and places like japan they love to try english on you * FatherDog chuckles. "No, no, I'm totally japanese! Please ignore my height, eyes, and hair." * KiruBanzai is now known as KiruMovie What movie? Whiskey Galore. I need Whiskey. I'd slaughter a pack of wild transexuals for some Johnny Walker Black. Is Whiskey Galore a Bond girl? made of whiskey? I'd like to meet a girl made of whiskey. "Honeypot" is what we typically call servers that are set up specifically to entice hackers. <{Moogle}> You do that? <{Moogle}> That must be fun. Moog: We don't at Princeton; I've done it at other jobs I've had. It's a common term, though. And yes, it is kinda fun. Although the temptation is strong to leave subtle clues that it's a trap. It made me start to understand the Riddler, honestly. <{Moogle}> I'm saying that in Gotham City, a guy who doesn't /sign/ the fucking crime scene would be a master criminal. <{Moogle}> A cypher, a ghost. <{Moogle}> Keyser fucking Soze. Moog: On the other hand, when that guy gets caught he goes to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison. And not through Arkham's revolving door. 2007! NOBODY SHOULD SMELL LIKE ANYTHING!@ What do you think Kiru should play, Moogle? In my D&D game. The fool. Her cards right. Let that be a lesson to you! nothing is important. * Dei flips through his Comple Book of Gnomes and Halflings. <{Moogle}> that's not very Comple <{Moogle}> It's not even a Comple title. * Dei stabs Moogle in the face. Isn't everyone in the end ruled by a man in a silly hat? You're thinking of Kender, Pat. those are the even shorter gnomes from FR, right? no, Kender are Halflings. Kender are from Dragonlance. They are distinguished from halflings by being actively terrible, instead of merely derivative. Gully Dwarves and Tinker Gnomes almost make up for Kend er. <{Moogle}> what's a Gully Dwarf? Oh please god let it be a dwarf that lives in a ditch instead of a mine. They're developmentally disabled hillbilly dwarves that live in squalor and ignorance. Kiru basically has it. AWESOME. wow. Thanks Lord! <{Moogle}> It seems to me that the wisest three investments you could make if you were suddenly homeless would be a good pair of boots, a good jacket, and a good pair of gloves. <{Moogle}> I would really want some gloves. <{Moogle}> Definitely not crack. <{Moogle}> That seems to be a common error. You know who was in favor of teen sex? Richard Nixon. I'm not making any judgements, just observing. I'm told he'd have whole rooms filled with teenagers having sex, and he'd sit there with his dog Checkers sitting next to him, and he'd drink gin, neat, and observe. He would never say anything, not even to the dog. He never wore anything except a dark blue wool suit and he never touched himself except incidently. I can't tell who's creepier, you or Richard Nixon. I'm not one with teen sex rooms in the home of the highest power in the land! Why would you say *I'm* creepy? <{Moogle}> tonight <{Moogle}> Channel 5, US PGA Golf <{Moogle}> 4, UK Poker Tour <{Moogle}> And on BBC2, Snooker <{Moogle}> Two snookers <{Moogle}> First snooker, followed by Snooker Extra. <{Moogle}> These are parlour games. <{Moogle}> Okay maybe not golf. <{Moogle}> Unless you have a huge parlour. Read that as parkour games initially Was wondering what kind of golf you were doing. I also read an account recently where a man bedded two (male) missionaries within ten minutes of their arrival at his door. "No alcohol was consumed." * FatherDog blinks I'd love to read a transcript of those ten minutes. "Would you gentlemen like to see my brass rubbings?" They were all Australian, if that helps you form a picture. It's pretty much the picture I had before, but with funnier accents. And wearing those hats with the corks. Pat: Were you aware that in Mormon canon, the Constitution is divinely inspired? why would I be aware of that? Because you're a crank. I am not! I'm a crackpot. entirely different. frankly, I just changed the argument altogether. Argue that quite frankly, "civil unions" in America are too poisoned by the successful smear jobs on both the word "union" and "civil" by years of rampant fear-mongering a strong government or organized working forces. instead, argue that the only way to successfully market the concept behind both marriage and civil unions in America, is that they're "private relationship contracts." What, exactly, are you trying to persuade people of, there? to adopt my bullshit. this bullshit, when implemented, would not only make a stronger nation, a stronger society, and a stronger family, but would be what the Founding Fathers wanted when they wrote the Ten Commandments. and anyone opposed to my idea is a terrorist, a Communist, and a pedophile. YOU'RE a communist. and the natual enemy of a communist is other communists. we're like the apex predator of economic theories. Hm. Forgot to feed sugar gliders so they died? floor gliders Alex: In the book, I'm pretty sure that he wasn't initially infected for deus ex machina reasons, and then he wasn't infected by the ravening hordes of vampires in part because of his chest tattoo. Which he got while drunk, and in the navy (this is redundant) The end of the movie suggests it's because he's Jesus. I haven't seen the movie. You should. There's a FINE Nubian Princess and her FINE Nubian bush in it. Charleton Heston bangs her. He's really into it. does he set it on fire and then it like talks to him do you think Copperfield was writing the revised GURPS: Cyberpunk? Unlikely. But possible! He's a tricksy type. Yeah. There's a fantasy sequence in Scrubs featuring him I just loved. because he seemed to really, REALLY hate being boiled down to "magic!" and the hate just carries over into the scene. I don't know how you could do anything but boil him down to "magic!" It's not like he's acted or released an album. The only notable thing he's done other than magic is fuck Claudia Schiffer, and I'm not convinced that wasn't accomplished via a cunning series of mirrors, either. He is very friendly and agreeable. I'm very friendly and agreeable. You're a ferret! You say that like it's a bad thing. I say everything like it's a bad thing. so do I. I wish I could join the Wu-Tang Clan. <{Moogle}> why are my arms so cold? You're dying. <{Moogle}> if I were dying, I'd haunt you <{Moogle}> I'd also go around the afterlife finding any and all of your deceased relatives and friends, and I'd persuade them to come watch you masturbate. Oh, come on now. They already do that. That knowledge is the only reason I can get hard. bored bored bored. <{Moogle}> Kill a hooker. Kill a hooker-killer. Kill a guy with a hook. Dog: Kill a guy with a hook, or kill a guy, with a hook? Use a hook to kill a hooker-killer with a hook for a hand! Who kills hook-handed hookers! Okay, that's probably overkill. man. overhook, at least. Okay, sleep now. Parting shots? Your parents never loved you. Pat: I'm /still/ far too narcissistic to be vulnerable to emotional attack. darn. I'm weak against fire, though. Go with that next time. and, as a side note, cisgender is the worst word ever well, maybe not the worst, but in the top 25 or so cisgender is a word? yes, like of like womyn is a word it is a word for a certain value of word and any moment now a feminist is going to bust into my room and yell "I will not suck the cock of the patriarchy" That would be exciting! That would be like a new noir genre. "Whenever the story lags, have a feminist kick the door down and start yelling about cock" It would take hard-bitten detectives in exciting new directions! oh, you've derailed me with that absolutely fantastic idea, Dog Derailment is kind of the channel specialty. I think I'm going to come up with a new noir style. non-noir. Whenever the story lags, someone kicks open the door, is confused for a moment, and then walks off. At which point the detective would have to get his door fixed. http://slog.thestranger.com/files/2007/10/GodlessGirl1.jpg He's swearing on a monkey not to celebrate Christmas. For real. He's wearing a bowtie, a dress shirt /and/ a sweater. That's some kind of nerd perfect storm. His character name is "The Goat". And no goatee? Or horns? I can only assume he has enormous, musky genitalia. DOG! DOG! Did you read the latest AV Club?! Nope. Whassit? It has 23 Ridiculous Horror Movie Antagonists! And one of them is a demonically possessed bed! A bed! Your Call of Cthulhu nemesis! I DON'T WANT SEX WITH THE BEAST OF REVELATIONS! <{Moogle}> it's a me <{Moogle}> mario <{Moogle}> raznfazn It'sa me Tetsuo * FatherDog breaks out the drill-penis What's wrong with all your dreams ending up in a trail of devastation? I'm a horrible neighbor. My dogs bark all day an night. :\ I'm a pretty good neighbor, since I'm not home that much and I spend most of my time in the basement. Maybe a serial killer neighbor. ;) Why is Popeye's a chicken restaurant? Popeye is a sailor. And spinach enthusiast. Popeye was notorious for putting "milk in someone else's coffee", if you know what I mean. Thus, when Popeye's was founded, in the 1950s, it made sense for Popeye to be a mascot for a fried chicken place, as it would be instantly familiar to what, in the 1950s, was considered the target audience for fried chicken. Particularly since it was initially a southern franchise. ...Philanderers are the key market for fried chicken? That seems oddly specific. Not philanderers! Negroes! He put his MILK into *COFFEE* Oh, I misread your miscegenation metaphor as merely about cuckolding. It was a saying of the time. Like "Jungle Fever" Instead of saying "Boy, that Popeye has jungle fever something fierce!" they would say, "That Popeye. He sure likes milk in his *coffee*, nudge nudge" This was before the widespread consumption of lattes, obviously. I see. You can still hear echoes of this in the Black Eyed Peas song "My Humps" when he talks about mixing his milk with your cocoa puffs. Wow. And I thought that song wouldn't have any value in academia. Olive Oyl was, in fact, a compartively late addition to the Popeye canon. Segar received many complaints about Popeye's race betrayal, and thus he introduced a caricature of the most white woman he could imagine. Flat as a board, emasculating, shrill, and frigid. <^chris_> i'm vaguely disappointed that it wasn't that much of a bother to quit smoking <^chris_> i was really counting on rage to get me through the next few weeks But you smoke like a chimney This is not going to work with my world view I'm sorry you will just have to start up again <^chris_> 'maya: sorry about that, if it makes you feel better, not smoking is turning out to be incredibly boring If I were 16 and fictional... I think that's my new motto. It's going to go on my personal coat-of-arms. An indestructible robot body, vert, on a field of sable, wielding d12 and DS stylus. "If I were 16 and fictional..." Walruses are dangerous predators, like Cab Calloway. Not a lot of good asses on Star Trek. Nov 02 23:34:31 Picard's was nice and firm, at least. TV wants you to sit at home and watch it That is TV's interest in you. You have to be the sort of person you would like to meet. Your best you, to quote a self-help book. I wonder sometimes if I'd like to meet me. <{Moogle}> I'd like to meet me. <{Moogle}> I'd be able to fuck my own mouth and I'd get really good at two player head to head games. I'd be thrilled to meet me; I'm fucking awesome. yeah, I'd pretty much have sex with me constantly. SOME of us aren't narcissists. It's called self-esteem! <{Moogle}> Oh yeah, prepublished adventure. <{Moogle}> I seem to do so much worse running those. <{Moogle}> the cat-herder's explicit, step-by-step guide to corralling cats four loners enter four loners leave separately TOM BAKER IS NOT AN AUTHORITY ON ANYTHING OTHER THAN GETTING PUSHED OFF OF RADIO TOWERS AND REGENERATING INTO A BETTER ACTOR. but aside from nightmares, I was apparently the sort of child who was quiet to the point of being worrisome. a budding serial killer! I kid, I kid. yeah. I'm sure you weren't budding. I would never harm an animal though. just people. I kid! If I harmed people, I might get their fluids on me, and that'd drive me insane. That's not hopeful. That's the opposite of hopeful. Pattist, if you will. Aw, that's flattering. He blames the gays for all the problems in America. oh, Ja Rule. You tiny little man. And all of his insults to other rappers boil down to, "You're gay and associate with promiscuous women" if they were gay, they wouldn't associate with promiscuous women! I didn't say they were logical insults! This is a man that puts SNOOP DOGG in the position of peacemaker and voice of reason. I mean, from what I've read Snoop Dogg kind of *is* a voice of reason as far as rapper go, but that's gotta hurt his street cred. Snoop seems like he would be a man of peace. He was Crip in high school, but luckily the crips apparently are good talent scouts and if a member shows musical or athletic talent, they tell him that he's going to make something of himself or they'll kill his whole family. I imagine more high school guidance counselors should threaten to kill kids' families. he sure has been arrested for marijuana possession a lot after "giving up weed". Well, he's just holding it for friends. Snoop's a giver. perhaps they should get someone to hold it who isn't seven feet tall and famously high. <{Moogle}> no, YOU shut up. yeah Yeah! <{Moogle}> I'll cut you. <{Moogle}> cutlasses at dawn Cutglasses at dawn They'll compete at differential equations and not having sex. I have Cutglass on my Wii now. he's only made one Mii. <{Moogle}> I knew there was something wrong with him. <{Moogle}> That's not right. <^chris_> hrmm...i have an unusuall cut on my head that wasn't there before friday In what way is any cut on your head "unusual"? Cease your economy lesson, Greenspan. If you're not going to press 'em to the glass, we don't wanna hear it! You wouldn't make fun of me if I had an invulnerable robot body. I probably would. You know I can't kill my organ bank. Lactose Free Ice Cream. Ingredients: Fresh milk, cream what. Surely this is witchcraft. and i object to the creepy comment. I am significantly less creepy than most people. Most people in Innsmouth, maybe. <{Moogle}> Max Payne doesn't know what it is. <{Moogle}> It's an FPS game done in pulp noir style with comicbook captions and structuring and so on. <{Moogle}> It constantly switches from "I'm a cop on the edge" to "I'm a character in a comic" to "We're all in a videogame and it's FREAKING ME OUT, MAN" "I'm a cop on the edge of a movie of a video game of a comic ON THE EDGE" "I'm pretty sure I'm a cop" Dei's a libertarian the way I'm a communist. we support the ideal but refute anyone who actually claims to be one. because they make us look sketchy. That's...surprisingly like how I act with Christianity. * Amaya nods THat's rather like me and feminism We're not joiners. fantastic. The History Channel's next program, "High Hitler". Hi, Hitler! High Hitler, the next comedy for Method Man, Redman and Tom Arnoldman. <{Moogle}> history of the world backwards <{Moogle}> it makes a lot more sense under the influence <{Moogle}> Imagine that <{Moogle}> John Merrick has run away from St. Bart's Hospital to join a travelling freakshow. <{Moogle}> Darwin says people are evolving into lower species, such as chimpanzees. <{Moogle}> Oh, and he wants to publish a new theory called Intelligent Design, but would prefer if John wasn't standing anywhere near him when he introduces it. <{Moogle}> now Chinese dopefiends are digging up the US railroads stave by stave, selling them to fund their opium habits. It came down to dropping it in a hole and hoping for the best. So many things do. What system are we using for the Glorantha game? We're using the Condorcet system. We vote conditionally on preferred outcomes. I can't tell if you're lying. I'm not very good with gay sex. Well, it takes practice. That would require going outside. Outside is cold. If prostitutes show up here, I'll consider it. Oh, I had an idea just now for a superhero! Evil Robo-Santa? Chanukha Harry? A teenage kid, probably a guy, who's involved with some easily misunderstood teen subculture, who can also control his density to pass through walls nicknamed as "Phase". as in "he's just going through a phase." Chanukha Harry would make a good superhero. Channukah Harry would be a wretched superhero. he'd be the Dogwelder of religiously-based superheroes. Dogwelder was a highly underrated superhero. You can bet that no criminal Dogwelder happened across was at all recidivist. I mean, let's look at the facts. Channukah Harry had two flying donkeys named Herschel and Shlomo. his bag of gifts was full of socks. Thor had two flying goats named Tanngrisnir and Tanngnjóstr. And his gift bag was full of beer and lutefisk. and I'm pretty sure he had to knock, instead of defeating the laws of physics in a chimney. Thor had a hammer and a magic helmet! No, he had a hammer and a magic belt, and iron gloves. I've seen Marvel Comics! you don't wear that helmet on your head unless it's magic. I might! That little girl in Adventures in Babysitting did. and where is that little girl now? Escorting fallen warriors to Valhalla. <{Moogle}> Charlie Chaplin's alcoholic dad lived on a daily diet of six raw eggs in port wine. yay! * Dei boils in salt. Marie also said, this is a quote, "I'm very liberal, but I'm infavor of genocide." I know people like that though. My grandparents all for gay marriage, me having my own career, religious and speech freedoms but at the same time they want the Spanish wiped out <{Moogle}> You'd better get to breeding then. <{Moogle}> There's a lot of them. I know. <{Moogle}> or just win the lottery and arm ETA with a bazooka each <{Moogle}> bazooka and nunchaku But my anti baby stick has done me so well. Did you mean "schtick", or do you have an actual stick you use to repel babies? I have a contraceptive implant. Girl Mod Chip! Upgrade to Girl 2.0 with new Anti Baby Technology Just got back from watching The Mist. It didn't suck. Could've been better. What's the Mist? It's a movie made from a Stephen King novella. Starring the punisher and that blonde chick that looks like Tina Fey but isn't. http://www.alltrailers.net/the-mist.html oh yeah I remember that preview On the plus side Jordan and I now have a plan in case of supernatural disasters. On a prearranged signal, he distracts the crowd with muppet-like dancing, and I quietly murder anyone that looks like they'll become a psycho religious demagogue. http://youtube.com/watch?v=EjYv2YW6azE Political ads are getting ever more surreal. Chuck Norris? I must emphasize that this is, in fact, a real ad. I eagerly await other internet memes making their way into the political discourse. I'm sure the Giuliani lolcats ads will be well received. lolbama I can has presidency? I has Habeus Corpus! Noooooo, they takin my Habeus Corpus! you know, if I got to wear the hat, I might like cooking more. Hats are very important to me. HOLY SHIT JACK BRISTOW WAS JESUS. Why do you hate me when I show you only love? I don't hate you! I kind of do! But in the base, free-floating hostility I have for all things. Oh it's Pat that's okay then I was almost offended So what about Obama's testicles then? oh, it's thingy from Transformers, right? Shia LaBeef? LeBouf? I... maybe? I refuse to spell his name correctly. It emboldens the French. Do you think Danny Glover berates Crispin at the breakfast table for taking such weird roles? "You're a shame to your people, Crispin! Playin' some honky livin' abortion with no junk! Playin' some rat-lovin' creep! I didn't march with Doctor King to see any son of mine act in any damn Charlie's Angels movie!" the hilarious thing about this Don Rickles thing is everyone nostalging for the mob. Joan Rivers, Bob Newhart, everybody. Pat: The best days for art are always when it's funded by rich corrupt italian patrons. DiMedicis, Gattis, etc I wish I had a "Babies are judging you" shirt. <{Moogle}> I like that one guy going "you say the wrong thing, he can go off." <{Moogle}> DON'T HIRE HIM <{Moogle}> "Yeah, watch out for the new guy. He might kill you." <{Moogle}> "Slowly." honest to God, I don't know how you guys watch that show at all. I already feel a hundred times more despondent over the fact that this didn't die stillborn. <{Moogle}> It's a good show <{Moogle}> S1 is pretty good <{Moogle}> S2 is fantastic <{Moogle}> S3 is tolerable <{Moogle}> S4 is not <{Moogle}> S5 is good <{Moogle}> S6 is hilariously mental from beginning to end the seventh season they start Jack in jail. The eighth, he's underwater, locked in a chest, on fire. the sixth they started him in a Chinese prison, I didn't think they could top that. The ninth, he starts on the surface of mars, bleeding from the eyes and nose. The tenth, he's bound and gagged in the poorest neighborhood in Detroit. <{Moogle}> America has been nuked three times since CTU started 'countering' terrorism. <{Moogle}> Thrice. could it be because they were hilariously inept, full of moles, constantly attacked, and because there was a hell of a lot more terror on their watch than ever before? <{Moogle}> And they'll hire pretty much anyone with no background checks. they don't seem to be protecting us very well. No, I bet it's because DEMOCRATS oh, no, they busted Jack back down to law enforcement. I was sure they were going to jail him for torturing people. ah well. Ha ha! now he has to adhere to due process! Or his chief will demand his badge and gun. "Torture him if you have to! (or want to)" "I'm gonna enjoy this." <{Moogle}> Jack doesn't need a gun. <{Moogle}> or a badge <{Moogle}> when Frank Flynn needs to get somewhere quickly, he doesn't steal a car. <{Moogle}> He steals a helicopter <{Moogle}> And a child. Sensical. succulent children. <{Moogle}> In the first season, it was the Drezens who were behind it all <{Moogle}> Serbians. <{Moogle}> second was moslems though <{Moogle}> third was mexicans <{Moogle}> fourth was moslems again <{Moogle}> fifth, Chechens and moslems <{Moogle}> sixth, ALL MOSLEMS ARE TERRORISTS, BUILD CAMPS EVERYWHERE ... wait. So, he starts in a CHINESE prison, but the bad guys are MOSLEMS EVERYWHERE, GET THE CAMPS? <{Moogle}> Well, yes. He was in a Chinese prison because at the end of S5 he decided to jump the wall at the Chinese embassy and kick fuck out of some guys <{Moogle}> He needed to find a dude who knew stuff. A chinese dude. but. he was in Chinese prison! <{Moogle}> Yes? And I have to assume his break out wasn't subtle in the least. <{Moogle}> He didn't have to break out. <{Moogle}> Really, it's worth watching. It is a good show. <{Moogle}> When it's not exciting it's hilarious. I'm distrustful. I love 24. <{Moogle}> I love it except for S4 this trailer already made my head hurt, I don't want to subject myself to another 23 and 57 minutes. <{Moogle}> 22 episodes of "Aha, but Marwan's REAL plan still continues!" <{Moogle}> Fuck off Marwan ahh, yes I even love that. ironically, though. I'm going to need two wise-cracking robots to get through it. otherwise I start chewing through my own neck. Once I watched it through with my semantics teacher giggling like a schoolgirl when Jack shot and decapitated a guy, that was basically it for me. <{Moogle}> A witness. A federal witness. <{Moogle}> In his (Jack's) office. <{Moogle}> Well, probably George Mason's by that point. wait, what? decapitation? in an office? <{Moogle}> He shot a guy and then sliced his head off and put it in a box. <{Moogle}> An important witness. Yep. With a hacksaw. <{Moogle}> To establish a cover. a hacksaw? <{Moogle}> Jack thinks outside the box. A HACKSAW DECAPITATION? it was like "Jack, we want you to meet our important witness." "Hi. *BANG* GET ME A HACKSAW" I love 24 so much it was sort of part of a plan. A murder plan. <{Moogle}> I love that scene not just because of its content, but because of the crazy face he pulls when he whirls around and shouts that line. it sounds like a bad plan. a terrible plan. did it work? It did involve Jack murdering a lot of people, I have to admit. But is that really a "bad" plan? or the best plan? I get the feeling that Kiefer may enjoy playing Jack a little too much. <{Moogle}> oh, oh, oh <{Moogle}> or visiting that assassination site while he's the suspect <{Moogle}> "Jack, I'm reading 85 Federal agents in the apartment." <{Moogle}> "Good. It's the last place they'll be looking for me." That must be a big apartment. Dog: maybe federal agents stack really well. Like lego! tears tears in my eyes <{Moogle}> Well, it was a penthouse that the ex-president was using <{Moogle}> Then when he pure mugs that FBI dude for his uniform, that was great. <{Moogle}> Derek looking all worried when Jack and the guy disappears <{Moogle}> Chloe: "Don't worry, he's really good at this." <{Moogle}> Four seconds later, Jack comes back out in the guy's jacket, slipping shades on, straightening his cuffs On this day, we are all American. except Dog. He's an American't. I realized I should get back on some manner of horse when I found myself getting turned on by this week's Beekeeper. "YOU HAVE SUNG SHARP FOR THE LAST TIME, FAGGOTBREATH" They are cunts, cunts of the highest order. what are the orders like? Please model your answer on the Heavenly choirs. Nine cuntish orders. well, first you have the lowest order. that's mostly filled by the British and Australians. then you've got the archangels, which are, I'd guess, the Scottish. then, hm. what comes after archangels? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hierarchy_of_angels Powers. Okay, powers. Hm. Hollywood studio heads. Principalities are politicians and all current heads of state. Dominions are particularly egregious assholes, hypocrites and fuckstains of religious persuasion. Thrones are, let's see. Thrones are the American cunts in general. that's why being called a cunt in America is much worse than being called on in Britain, Sctoland or Australia. Ophanim are guys who're really into their cars. heh Cherubim are the guy or girl who say they really like you as a friend, but don't think you'll ever be anything more then that, but only TELL you after you had an expensive dinner date with them on their birthday. and Seraphim are assholes on the Internet who you disagree with but whom you're limited from calling cunts by personal attack rules in the forum guidelines. and the supreme cunt, the one who is as equivilent to God, is either yourself or your parents. I haven't figured that one out yet. Amaya: You should cook your team a cashig! That's a cow, with a sheep stuffed inside, with a pig stuffed inside the sheep. and a turkey stuffed in the pig, and a duck stu ffed in the turkey, and a chicken inside the duck, and goose liver stuffed in the chicken. and inside that, the heart of Koschei the Deathless OUZO IS DELICIOUS YOU SHUT YOUR FILTHY PIE HOLE you know what goes well with ouzo? a stomach pump. OUZO TASTES OF LICORICE AND JOY ugh, licorice. LICORICE IS DELICIOUS YOU SHUT YOUR LYING MOUTH On another subject, my dad's driving is getting totally scary. Tuesday night he accidentally turned his car into the bike path. See, Kiru? That's what comes of not regularly driving. if my mom had been in the car she would have probably done something dramatic. Like a monologue from Titus Andronicus? such as hitting him or getting out and hitchhiking. oh. BOR-ING! I tend to favor a more conciliatory approach. such as going "Gosh, driving is hard" rather than "WHY DO YOU WANT TO MURDER US" <{Moogle}> I tended towards the latter. I make a mental note to get revenge. eating a bunch of butter has not made me appreciably happier. <{Moogle}> I'm watching Star Trek and it's retarded You say this like it's a surprise. "I'm running and I'm breathing hard!" "I'm eating and I'm getting full!" "I'm goth and I'm crazy!" "I'm a Dagonic-American and i'm proud of it!" my fascination with celebrity lesbian sex is one of my trademarks. if everything in the quotes is true, we'd live in a much stranger, much more beautiful world. Or i'd be several times over dead...or not, due to dagonic american hertiage. Either way, we all win, let's have some cake Everything in the quotes is true. Suggestions otherwise are propaganda. you also hate the moon! I don't hate the moon. I just want to know what it's done for me lately. The sun helps keep me from killing myself. The moon doesn't even do that much. And don't even bring tides into this. The moon's been riding THAT hobby horse for EVER. GET A NEW TRICK MOON. What is up with you, Pat? Why are you such a bitch? I assumed Pat was unpleasant to people because he felt he was getting insufficient value out of Yom Kippur unless he had lots to atone for. And he felt he was a bad Jew unless he was trying to squeeze maximum value out of a transaction. Dog: Could be. Also, my throat hurts, so I'm taking out my anger on you assholes. * Spyral gives Pat a lozenge. DONE WITH SEX MOVED ON Invulnerable Robot Body. That's my new target. I just know I could be happy with an invulnerable robot body. I found it insanely weird when trailers for "A Beautiful Mind" were playing regularly because every time I saw one I was like "Hey, I go to lunch there! A couple of my older coworkers were all like "Oh yeah, Nash used to come over here to smoke on the loading dock. That dude is fucking crazy." SCREW YOU HIPPY I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU I'LL KILL YOU SO FUCKING HARD YOUR GIRLFRIEND WILL FEEL IT IN HER VAGINA Pat: I fear it because I've spent many years in the presence of fiend when we've gone to see related culture events. Once they had an "artifacts of Mu" exhibit as a piece of art in the museum He went slightly mental "went" "slightly" "mental" I'm not fond of anything. You like your cat. and Sasquatch. Fine. I like lots of stuff. but I'm still filled with hate. I should do more crimes. I'm good at crimes. I feel like I should start wearing a codpiece. It's the missing piece my fashion has been wanting. color me shocked * FatherDog colors Kiru shocked * FatherDog fails to stay within the lines I know too many people that do wear them. I'd wear the one with a face on it. If I were rich, I'd get little animatronics installed in it, so it could change expression. Also, Helena Bobham Carter dropped. She had a beautiful baby girl, who will grow up to look waifish and sell matches in a Neo-Victorian Post-Apocalyptic London. Apparently I forgot to disconnect my desktop at home You fail at internets. Turn in your CRT tan. Dammit. It annoys me how under-lemured we are these days. Okay, sleep now. Parting shots? take over my life for a few months, Dog. Alex: You'd wake up with blood on your hands and an inflamed liver. Dog: and? AleX: Plus I'd shelve your books incorrectly. That's why I'd have blood on my hands. * You are now known as FDzZZZZZzz Dei: Also, you'd have the half-digested corpse of a 7-year old in your stomach. enh. possibly a license plate from Washington. it happens. I'm comparing Dog to a tiger shark. in case it wasn't clear. clear enough Remember, kids, do not procrastinate. If you do, you too may find yourself standing in a department store on the Friday before Christmas, not having showered in two days or shaved in four, seriously debating with yourself whether to buy your mother a "Margaritor" This is to be avoided. Oh speaking of which, I am officially no longer responsible for fiend huzzah \o/ I feel like I'm letting down my scene or some shit And it currently needs help in Sydney she is a sick little monkey At least you HAVE a scene. It's a double edged sword though Scenes are like 2nd edition D&D kits They have advantages and disadvantages Sometimes the net is good, sometimes bad But there's always a downside And the goth scene is like a Thief kit (ie it sucks) Yep. Thank you for tolerating what may be the geekiest analogy I have ever made. My commute always get ten minutes longer after daylight's savings time. "OH MY GOD, MERLE! IT'S FIVE PM AND IT'S DARK! IT'S THE RAPTURE AND WE'S BEEN LEFT BEHIND! I WILL PARK IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS INTERSECTION AND SOB!" Dei sits behind him and sighs. I've never understood how people can drive so dangerously while stuck in gridlock It doesn't seem to make sense Amaya: Me neither, to be honest. I'm a very serene driver most of the time. I doubt it's much of a shock that I'm non-aggressive generally, though. Consider me bowled over * FatherDog bowls Amaya over, as a visual aid. I think I'd be dangerous with a penis Also this reminds me. nothing this reminds you of can be good. You melted your borther's table with your overheating robotic groin? Dog doesn't still keep quotes out of context, does he? with sparking jizm! Last job was at a market research company, and the new job is at a biological research facility. I would be failing in my duties to note that you working at a biological research facility is precisely what a robot would do. a horny robot, too A horny robot?! Pat: Why would a robot work at a biological research facility? Spyral: Why a *horny* robot?! to understand the fleshies, obviously. Dog: Stay asleep. Okay, sleep now. Parting shots? None sorry Too irritated at others. Maya: Compile a list; I'll get round to the murdering soon. * You are now known as FDZzzzzzz I miss Dog. He was an inspiration to us all. Slacker Man, Slacker Man. Does the things a slacker can... Which apparently isn't much? Man, I'd never even heard of The Inhumanoids before. Man, every single voice in this is familiar. Every single character is Hannah Barbera Industry Workhorse #3. Ah, the 80's. When even standard beat police had laser pistols. "We're outnumbered ten to one! It's hopeless!" You're outnumbered by guys on horses with arrows and swords. You're in a tank. I think you'll cope. But seriously, Earth Corps has tanks, combat helicopters, rock golems, ents, laster rifles, and bazookas. The Inhumanoids had catapults and arrows, and some skeletal bats. And three goddamned Great Old Ones. One of whom ran away, another of which was defeated by sap. yyyeah, well. They were sick that day. It just seems like this whole Mankind/Inhumanoid war should've been over a lot sooner. yes. Swee'pea has a girlfriend. Yes, she dresses like a whore. a tiny whore? Trial-sized. I suppose a whore that small would lead to a trial. the puppies are clean Spyral: yay! now they are scarred for life I *said* Yay. This year, though, I'm doing something different. I'm making two new resolutions: 1. Make more trifle. 2. Eat more trifle. "Janice Peck, associate professor of journalism and mass communication, is a national expert on television talk show host Oprah Winfrey." I find it hilarious that you can be a national expert on Oprah Winfrey. I got a chuckle out of it. But hey, that's essentially the sort of job Moogle's degree is for. Hey, if Joss Whedon starts endorsing someone for the presidency, Moogle'll be /set/ * Richard_McCart is getting yammered at to run conspiracy X, as it's * as close as it comes to there being a Torchwood rpg You should run Torchwood using Buffy. There's supernatural phenomena and they all have sex with each other. It's a good parallel. FD:.....actually... Hobo chic is on the way back. yes, way back. along with the great Depression, Dust Bowl and stock brokers throwing themselves out of buildings. I'm looking forward to that last one, of course. You are a big suicide booster. It makes your major somewhat suspicious. well, psych majors have to get something out of life. some do it for the women with father issues, others do it for their own control issues. I just think suicide is an interesting quality for human beings. until they find a chimpanzee that can hang itself, I don't care how much tool-making they do. How do we know other animals don't suicide. well, our only current example of it is an urban legend Walt Disney made up by throwing lemmings off a cliff to die. He literally threw them? Oh gods he did. I wouldn't lie about lemmings. An investigation in 1983 by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation's Brian Vallee, showed that the Disney film makers faked the entire sequence using imported lemmings (bought from Inuit children), a snow covered turntable on which a few dozen lemmings were forced to run, and literally throwing lemmings into the sea to show the alleged suicides. he also raped children who survived the Holocaust afterward. that might be a lie. but Walt Disney's dead, he can't get me now. I'm just saying, streaking kind of reduces the qualities you can identify a Jew by. Surely it increases them? I'm picturing an orthodox jew streaker now. With those curls flying in the breeze. I'd be a xenophobe if it wasn't for the fact that I hate everyone within a block of me, let alone outside that. Pat: You should travel more! Find new and interesting people to hate. In Delta Green, what's the preferred nature of a cell? Three guys who are crazy enough to fight Deep Ones, but not stupid enough to tell anyone about it. I was watching Primeval, now I'm watching Lake Placid. it's a big day for gigantic crocodilians. you and terrible movies. It's sweet. someone needs to watch them. may as well be someone who appreciates garbage. No, nobody really does. then what would Bill Pullman do? Sell cars. I'm supporting actors who would otherwise be left to own used car lots or run for state senate. people stopped watching Arnold Schwarshegnagger movies, and now look what's happened to California? do YOU want Malcolm McDowell in charge of Oregon? Who was Tancredo? fade: Build a wall to keep Mexicans out. that's it. his entire platform was the wall. which architecturally isn't actually a platfrom, since it's a wall. man, I can only hope BOTH sides lose the election, and someone like the Prohibition Party squeaks in. I'd laugh and laugh and then move to Canada. I'd move to Chicago. but that's because life would be interesting again. all the Italians and Irish and Jews would go back to boot-legging and killing each other in ridiculous bloodbaths. You know it would be the Ukrainians and Hmong and Negros, right? I suppose. Italians and Irish and Jews are Bourgeosie now. the Ukrainians are the only ones who're white though. so they'd be the only ones the cops would stay bought by. though hell, the Russian Mafia becoming the new universally-accepted organized crime in America might be fun. We could get whole new series of crime family dramas! The Sopranovs. They're taking advantage of the fact that after years of MTV and reality television, America effectively has little-to-no day-to-day recollection of past events. I can't even remember what day it is and I remember how wrong they are. Well, you're a commie. The Wheel of History is your special power. I'm watching Reno 911: Miami. Though I think more accurately, I'm watching "Reno 911: The Longest The State Sketch Ever". Some of my friends occasionally ask me if I want to go see a movie. When it is a movie I know is going to be terrible, I say "No, you are idiots. Call me afterwards and complain about how bad it was so I can laugh at you." It's a good system. I also shouldn't look at puppy websites when I cannot have one Also correct. I recommend looking at photos of baby cane toads instead. uegh No thanks I think instead I may yet play another round of DOA Xtreme 2 Because boobies are almost as good as puppies Plus, you can have those. Yes Though most of the boobies I have easy access to are attached to crazy ladies Gee, I certainly don't know what /that's/ like. The world needs more of Batman the Axe Murderer. You speak only truth. Oh, and Uwe Boll is the Albert Fish of film Thing: You sit around constructing off-beat analogies in your head before coming in here, don't you. Pat: How's it feel to be a graduate? I have a lot more free time then I did. I hope you spend it on more fruitful pursuits than masturbating and watching /awful/ movies. Really, what are the odds? not too good. <{Moogle}> awake for twenty four hours now <{Moogle}> BAUER POWER Do you have a roommate? He has a cat. Which is like a roommate, but doesn't pay rent and might eat you if you sleep too deeply. burning chinchillas would be kind of charming. Are you playing a game? <{Moogle}> No. <{Moogle}> I'm just catching and eating the snakes in my garden. they're all Irish. <{Moogle}> oh, but I did play Hulk: Ultimate Destruction <{Moogle}> it's really fun! <{Moogle}> haven't finished it yet. I beat up a big robot and... um... brought its head back to the church or something. <{Moogle}> To prove myself to Jesus <{Moogle}> Robots are dirty saracens. hi Dei and Moogle. <{Moogle}> what up <{Moogle}> I mean, nothing * {Moogle} is now known as justabox Should I have a red exclamation mark over my he ad, or just a yellow question mark? * justabox shuffles around * Dei is now known as WeightedCompanionDe Ha. * WaitedCompanionDe is now known as Dei Inferior Johnny-Come-Lately Screw you, Solid Snake. Solid is obviously Japanese slang for flamingly homosexual. Yeah well... there's a mean part of me that wants to wipe menstrual fluid on my jewish friends for the hell of it * PatPandaHat underlines his notes to not meet Amaya. Oh, yes. Weighted Companion Cube goes on my list of things I *must* play alongside Sasquatch, Humpback Whales, Hyperintelligent Shades of Blue, and Cephalyx. * Dei hms. I'm a difficult player, aren't I? Oh speaking of crazy things. Lelio joined the navy. WHY? What do you mean, why? So he can wear a sailor suit. Obviously. of course. Because he's bent on making himself seem as gay as possible without actually having sex with men? Syphilis makes you blind and insane. eventually. like Guy de Mausppant! Or Nietzsche. or H.P. Lovecraft's dad. or any poet or philosopher from the 19th century, really. I remember reading about these two composers that both died from an STD they got from the woman they were fighting over. Sometimes they had Tuberculosis, Pat. Dei: Occasionally. But that was the sexy disease. all the fashionable high-class women had it. Tuberculosis was the tiny dog in a purse of its day. Metal Gear Solid 5: The Early Years. Solid Snake is trained in stealth pizza delivery... until he learns that the pizza is actually something incomprensible about war. You tend to get very blase about people looking at your shoes funny when you're a goth. particularly when they're spoiled for choice with the rest of your wardrobe. When people look at me funny I usually assume they've been caught off guard by my good looks. Occasionally I strike a pose and wink. Dog: You're going to see your reflection in a pond one day and drown yourself. Fortunately, I'm a strong swimmer. I like to err on the side of assuming people's motivations are good. I like to err on the side of being right. <{Moogle}> hey, Bobby Fischer died. <{Moogle}> Outplayed. <{Moogle}> wait, a Seventh Seal reference is surely the most cliche thing here <{Moogle}> seppuku Speaking of things that are important, my mother downloaded a cd full of songs on people's best of 2007 lists. They are exceedingly dire. as usual, the British bands, save Radiohead, are the standouts. I was wondering why that is. Some kind of national talent, like Russians and hacking, or Koreans and videogaming, or Brazilians and homosexuality. <{Moogle}> I know Brazil is a prime source of transvestite and transsexual porn, though. <{Moogle}> I mean, I'd heard. <{Moogle}> From someone else. <{Moogle}> Chocolate is toxic! <{Moogle}> 22lbs of chocolate would kill you. <{Moogle}> Now there's a suicide method. They say that, but I still see a lot of fat people walking around. <{Moogle}> they probably only got to about 20lbs before the serotonin temporarily overwhelmed the suicidal impulse <{Moogle}> Quitters. "It's Snowing In Atlantis" would make a great album title. <{Moogle}> wh... <{Moogle}> AUGh <{Moogle}> INTERNET Yes, you are on it. <{Moogle}> And it's damaged me. I can see that. So, what're you doing? Upbraiding you. it would probably work better if I cared more. But then you wouldn't be Pat. no. I'd be a second Dei. ... The Legend of Bagger Vance was a loose re-telling of the Bhagahvad-Gita? There's no possible way that's true, tvtropes.com it is. I thought the Bhagavad Gita was mostly about animals doing things. Maybe I'm confusing it with another text. I just thought it was about golf. well, obviously it's about a magical negro. Rather than a magical blue guy, like Krishna. maybe blue guys are the negros of India. Maybe colloidal silver was popular. Dog is a paragon, and if more used him as a template for living, we would live in a more just, egalatarian society. my god, my lies burn me Well, a more drunk, bloody society. Dog's just a jerk. If we were all like him we would live in a jerky society. A society made of jerky?! That, too. Kiru: We would all be jerks, but on the other hand none of us would care. So it would be a much less stressed society. Of jerks. so Craigslist is just a classified section with a larger-than-normal frequency of gay personal ads. http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/518589816.html Right. Plus stuff like this. okay. cause from what previous descriptions I had heard, it just seemed like a gay dating site mated with eBay. I mean, either that, or coded gay hookups behind furniture sales. like "stationary exercise cycle, slightly used" meant "just-out-of-closet gay man seeks relationship with sporty young male for sex." "I'd like an "ottoman" with a matching "divan," in my "ass." No game-playing, please." I'm going to make food! To eat! fantastic! I know! cause y'know, making food to ski with is inefficient. Did I tell you about the guys on the plane ride over to Scotland? Two scottish ex-pats, discussing life in the states. One of them lived in Vermont, and was talking about how "everyone drives drunk there" Actually that would explain a lot about my experiences driving in Vermont. "I mean, I'll drive after I've had a couple shots, and a beer, and maybe a bourbon or two, and some chasers, but they drive /drunk/." * ^chris_ is possibly in the soup w/job and management, and * its...unhappy Hmmm. Murder your boss? his replacement will doubtless take a while to become unhappy with you. <^chris_> i think they've streamlined the system Damn their asian efficiency! oh, Sponheimer had a good bit about that yesterday. "The sea slug," he said, "finds a rock to perch on, then consumes its own brain. This is like tenure." I'm not sure what kind of sea slug he was referring to. The tenured kind. That's the best kind of sea slug. Or Nudibranch, if you're nasty. It's 40K! You don't know 40K?! nope. okay. So, um. Take Medieval Europe. Picture it in your head. Let me know when you have it. are we talking medieval europe a la D&D or realistic boring medieval Europe? Realistic. more realistic than D&D, at least. okay. <{Moogle}> it's a gothic nightmare version, somewhere in between the two Now! Shove that forward in time past the Singularity, past the collapse of civilization, into the year 40,999. As you're shoving it forward, you have to push it through a wall made of Death Metal album covers. You're gonna get Death Metal all over it. All right. So you've got Medieval Europe, filled with amazing technological advances that are barely understood, and everything is covered with spikes and skulls. And giant shoulderpads. That are covered in spikes and skulls. yes, yes. Now, stretch that out to cover the entire "east" side of the Galaxy. So, you've stretched medieval death metal post-apocalyptic Europe out. Now, grind up some Dune, some Alien, some Star Wars, and some Lensmen, and mix them together. Sprinkle liberally. so half the galaxy looks like medieval Europe ruled by Fast Eddie. no, no. oh. The Imperium is ruled by the Emperor. Who is sort of like Paul Atreides mixed with Superman. But dead. but not dead. <{Moogle}> And hungry. hungry for souls. Death Metal album covers, remember? so ruled by a lich. <{Moogle}> It's for the good of mankind! <{Moogle}> Protecting us from the horrors of the Warp. I was wondering what Rowen Atkinson had on Brian Blessed to get him into the original Blackadder. Kiru's refusing to believe it was necessary for him to have anything on anyone. Brian Blessed would jump at the chance for something like Blackadder! Yes. Exactly. "Brian we've got this part for you where you play a big bearded guy who yells." "FANTASTIC" "AM I KING?" "Yes, yes you are king." "YES" So speaking of fighting the evil megacorp I got Steam, and Portal and it makes me happy Even if I can only play 5 levels at a time before it gives me a headache you people and your motion sickness. I would vomit on you in disgust if it didn't undermine my moral and digestive superiority. That's good advice! In that I am already planning to follow it. The very definition of good advice! this now has me considering the archetypal roles in black comedy. there's the uptight white guy, the ambitious black hustler, the brutish strong man, the comedic pervert, the hot temptress and virginal intellectual... Strong-willed and sassy fat lady and the Malcolm ex Machina. ...that whole list was just an excuse for that joke, wasn't it. So, those rape gangs. Man, Tasha really did seem to miss them. Do you think she made Data roleplay when they were intimate? <{Moogle}> Yes. <{Moogle}> There's also the holodeck. <{Moogle}> the no-consequences deck Right. Unless it malfunctions and the holograms come to life. The only happens every six weeks or so, though. <{Moogle}> Good thing they built in the 'try to take over the ship' / 'allow holodeck to take over the ship' routines then. <{Moogle}> Good thinking engineers A+. I am avoiding the mental scarring. I like my brain unscarred. brain scarring is a sign of learning! My brain is nothing but scar tissue. My brain is composed of equal parts genius and scar tissue, suspended in a soothing bath of dutch ethanol. Hi, people! What are we being sarcastic at today? woo! They're going to start revealing the hidden stuff on the Super Smash Brothers Brawl blog. I shouldn't be surprised that that game has an official blog. Oh, good. I am hoping for more Awesome Characters. I remain hoping for the Duck Hunt Dog. yes! I would fight him so much. I hated you, Dog. <{Moogle}> My brother went hunting with a falcon. <{Moogle}> I don't know why but that amuses me so much. <{Moogle}> Almost as much as his disclaimer, "But they start you off with an owl" oh, and by the way. FINISH YOUR DAMNED D ENTRIES. I did! You did. YOU will not be deported. But I'm already in foreign lands THAT'S THE POINT OF DEPORTING. You're going OUT of foreign lands back to MEXICO, Juanita. COMPRENDO? You will be back under Papist rule, birthing babies to Pancho here until one of you craps out and El Presidente sells your orphans to the Chinese to make god damned Tickle-My-Nuts Elmo? QUE BUENO? EL GATO GOT YOUR TONGUE? <^chris_> if they don't call me in this week, i'm going to try and pick up a part time job to pad out the pay abit Shrine Keeping! Panty Soiler! Kaiju Wrangler! You need a quintessentially Japanese job, Paco, or they'll figure out you're a gringo. <^chris_> ramen slinger would be easiest to get <^chris_> i'd like to avoid office drone if at all possible What's wrong with office drone? It's a valid lifestyle choice * Amaya runs off crying Chris has a *soul*, Amaya. Which is why he should be the person who wears the panties they sell in those "used panties" vending machines. I find it hilarious that the back cover text for GURPS Imperial Rome implies that "Orgies! Lots of orgies!" is a campaign premise for the setting. GURPS is highly realistic. Lots of orgies! Only two skills to cover them, though. No orgy subsystem so far as I'm aware. orgy combat. derived from social combat, but with more fluids. Not really an official social combat system either. choking to death on semen as a critical. That's a disquieting thought. I try to specialize in those. I think they're funny. <{Moogle}> I have been taken by Chaos. We like to call her Kiru. * Penn_Williams (Sam-I-Aint@267faf32.austin.res.14056255.com.hmsk) has joined #sluagh hello hi Penn. Still more man than machine? Yes. My hydraulic penis doesn't arrive until the 27th <{Moogle}> I give my life <{Moogle}> Not for honour <{Moogle}> but for you <{Moogle}> Space Hitler I enjoyed Chris Matthews referring to McCain supporters as "McCainaanites" McCainites! cavorting around bonfires and engaging in blood baths. fighting the awful Antedilibians what overthrew McCaine at the First City. Nerd. * PatPandaHat ponders. Would Romney or Ron Paul be the Followers of Set? Romney's the weird cultist... so I guess that makes Ron Paul the Assamites. Well, they're both religious nuts. And Giuliani's obviously the Giovanni-analog, given he's a degenerate Italian married to his first cousin, dresses in drag, and is in the pocket of the mob. plus finding out he performs necromancy would hardly be unexpected. Ventrue obviously is Clinton. considering they kept trying to destroy Edwards by talking about his glossy hair being a sign that he must be a raving queen, Edwards must be Toreador. so Brujah Obama. Dodd and Gravel for fight it out for Gangrel or Nosferatu. and Kucinich is clearly a Malkavian. well, that is the Sabbat way of thinking. There's some actual shovel-to-head action. About as subtle as a fleshcrafted cat-vozhd with a Buick for a head. So, over dinner I heard an excellent example of a phrase never to use during the first date. "My love affair with guns" Not unless you're dating someone in the NRA. Or a gun. * Dei (OMG@5e659fe8.hlrn.de83b96b.net.hmsk) has joined #sluagh * ChanServ gives channel operator status to Dei FILTH That's *exactly* what I was just saying. "If you sleep with anyone you will get these diseases, as portrayed on slides. Here's Disney's anti-STD film from the 1940s. Questions?" OH man I love those films They show them at Cult Sinema sometimes in Sydney they are quite good. What's better are the ones from the US navy It's not really sex ed per se, though. with nasty nasty genital warts pictures. My dad watched those! when he went to Nam. they showed them in a double-picture with Jack Webb from TV's Dragnet explains the Geneva Conventions. ... I assume they ignored both equally then? The stupider someone is the more likely they are to post comments. That's it, that's how it works I have cracked the code man, I wish I had the Adeptus Sororitas career path. Dog would finally have a character path where arson really *is* the solution to everything. You say that like it isn't. <{Moogle}> Fisher Stevens was credited in the opening to Lost <{Moogle}> He wasn't in the episode. Yeah, I didn't see him. strange.. <{Moogle}> And for the second (maybe third, can't quite re member last season) episode running, Harold Perrineau's name was in the credits. <{Moogle}> Also not in the show. they're taunting us. They're the Lost Monster. Fisher is the front half, and Harold is the back. <^chris_> is it so wrong to want to cleave this tiny planet in twain? <^chris_> just wondering, is all. * KiruBanjos is now known as KiruBanzai That name was silly. This one is dignified, and not at all weeabooish. * Amaya imagines Kiru playing duelling banjos my fingers are soft and delicate from city livin'. dualing banjos like El Kabong, but with a banjo in each hand KABANJO chris: Speaking of which, are you still not smoking? <^chris_> on and off <^chris_> which means about 2packs over a week as opposed to 2packs a day "On and off" is two packs a week to you? That's all I smoke *ever* <^chris_> well, aren't we special miz clean lungs, then <^chris_> oh...speaking of, its almost St. Reggie's day, so make sure you get out there and kill a deep one or Mi-Gi puppet * FatherDog kills a Migo * FatherDog gets a Unique Item! Sometimes, I wish I were a 1930s hobo. riding the rails, doing odd jobs, stealing pies. Jesus. A friend of mine had to have a caesarian after being over 2 weeks over due. How much would you be screaming for them to get it out of you? as a guy, pretty hard, probably. I had one masquerade violation, and I didn't like it. Some girls saw me eating some guy who was peeing. I don't want people to think I'm a perv! <{Moogle}> But a murderer is fine Murderers get respect. Besides, nobody SAW me kill him! snicker-snack went my vorpal blade and the beast was done. I don't understand how dog shows work. I mean, all of the dogs are wildly different. How do you tell which is the best one? dog shows have a variety of scores on similar features. how clean a dog's teeth are, how well-groomed their are for their particular sort of dog, other things. "Has a nose, check" "Nose not visible, minus two points" "Eyes on same side of head, minus four" "well-trimmed asshair, check." "has poo on fur, minus two points" "has sat in one place for three hours without licking self, check" "More ears than absolutely necessary? "Only one leg" "A cat! Disqualification!" <{Moogle}> Oh, I had about three different videogame-related dreams last night <{Moogle}> top tip <{Moogle}> Don't feed on people in first person view <{Moogle}> It means you can taste the blood <{Moogle}> Which is nasty at first, then good, then leaves you feeling weird because you've been drinking blood. like pennies! <{Moogle}> But then you can wallrun faster and higher than ever before. <{Moogle}> Which is nice. I totally forgot, meaning unlike everyone else I know who's spawning he didn't get cute bebe clothes Babies should wear sackcloth and ashes, to prepare them for their lot in life Babies should only wear inappropriate onesies. Babies shouldn't wear anything unless it's really cold. And you should take them out of your sling and point them at people when they have to pee. What about chipmunks? <{Moogle}> pew pew <{Moogle}> Chimp Monks. I picture orangotangs more as monks. They have four hands! Quadruple Buddha Palm! <{Moogle}> I mean D&D monk, not cells and prayer. Oh, okay. If that's the kind of monk we're discussing. I was trying to think of how four hands would help you brew beer. how wouldn't it? I just don't know enough of the details of having four hands or brewing beers. Perhaps an arboreal abbey. Brachiating brothers What the CHRIS, Spain? CHRIST, too. I invoke anything I can blaspheme against here. maybe we should keep using chris as a blasphemous object. Chris on a cracker. chris is a pretty blasphemous object to begin with. It's just a frottage night in all my channels, I see. I guess it's the seven year itch? let's hope it's just an itch. or someone's in trouble. Let's hope it doesn't require a series of antibiotics I think we should make things worse if relationships go longer than seven years and then fall apart. the eight-year pustule. the nine-year burning urine. ooh Kazz and I will be 14 years in April what would that be? fourteen-year Kaposi's sarcoma. Pat: The Toreador primogen's name is Susan. She doesn't like it when you call her that. She's all, "My name is VV." or "Call me Velvet" and I'm like, "But your name is Susan, sexy underwear lady." and then she calls me an asshole and is never seen again. Vampire politics are complicated. heh. a friend of mine's Anakin/Haydn fanart got on the Jimmy Kimmel show No part of that sentence was not shameful I should stop punching people to see what happens. my knee hurts from walking god's green earth today except, it's arizona and it wasn't green. and plus, there is no god. Mostly because, for some reason, helping people in LA means chopping other people up with a fire axe. Why is that? <{Moogle}> did you watch The Men Who Stare At Goats? <{Moogle}> You should watch The Men Who Stare At Goats <{Moogle}> it has some hot goat staring action Is it still raining? have you been collecting 2 of every unclean animal and 7 of every clean animal? <{Moogle}> no tch. <{Moogle}> Two of every cute animal, seven of every tasty one. What if an animal is neither cute nor tasty? To the drowning with it? <{Moogle}> Yep. <{Moogle}> I am a steward of Gaia. must... acquire... cancer... for superpowers... My iMac here is 34% goat. Weighted Companion Cube porn. <`nny_> alex: my boss found the "natural well-being available here" sign humorous and was disappointed that nobody came in wanting natural well-being. <`nny_> so, that's something that happened. well, hooray. <`nny_> yeah. the excitement is fucking palpable. but there's hot chicks who want natural supplements really? <`nny_> yep. one's in here now tell her you've got an all-natural hormone supplement behind the counter. this works best if you're standing behind a counter. <`nny_> which i am perfect. <`nny_> although, the counter is low, as i'm quite tall. you could kneel. then whip it out on the counter after she expresses interest. it'll be the greatest reason to get fired ever. Moogle, tell Pat about life in Scotland. <{Moogle}> Neg. * Niamh_ (blahblah@e181b161.dsl.mdldtx.3e6fd2e2.net.hmsk) has joined * #sluagh howdy folks hi Nia. Hi Dei Tell Pat about life in Scotland. Life in Scotland is brutish and bloodthirsty also drafty, because of the kilts And one of my classmates in art class is painting Ayn Rand looking over her shoulder for her self portrait, and it creeps me out wheras the guy painting himself and his son in their zombie costumes from last halloween is just adorable, in a zombie-filled way <{Moogle}> ten. something was on at ten. what was the something. <{Moogle}> WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME Was it 23? <{Moogle}> No <{Moogle}> That would be an awesome show though. <{Moogle}> Hagbard Bauer. <{Moogle}> THE ILLUMINATI ARE IMMANETISING THE ESCHATON! <{Moogle}> WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME <{Moogle}> SMOKE THIS <{Moogle}> SMOKE IT <{Moogle}> ALL OF IT <{Moogle}> Then the hours from 2200-0400 filled with talking about space and time and atlantis. <^chris_> i've been dreaming i have to move all the bodies in an 80's-era slaughter movie into one single room <^chris_> but the corpses keep having sex with eachother and it pisses me off to no end <^chris_> like, i'm doing my job (moving bodies), and they're shirking on theirs (being dead) lap full of Chester must be 40 lbs now Spy: that's what you get for feeding him lead. lead is good for them! Aw. Everyone's being inappropriately touched but me. Ian McShane was quite leathery in his days as Lovejoy. he was also the most action-packed show about antique collection ever produced. More than Antique Roadshow Goes to Kosovo, even. <{Moogle}> Goddamnit Worf be less of an uncle tom klingon <{Moogle}> Stab that kid <{Moogle}> Stab him good <{Moogle}> That's your way Wow. Namegen creates... gibberish. -GameServ- Some names to ponder: Scaunarazer, Bayertdal, Daslacheanance, Cracrik, Rolybinorn. You walk into the 7/11. The girl behind the counter gazes at you listlessly, the name on her tag reads, "Daslacheanance" You pity her. "Excuse me, Daslacheanance, but have you seen this man around? His name is Scaunarazer Bayertdal." She pities him. fadethecat has finished her chores! nny is a 12th level gnome! {Moogle} has the hearts and minds of millions at his fingertips! amy is Canadian! FatherDog is at work! hm. Im sorry I didnt mean to be Canadian! * FatherDog was in marching band, actually dork. <`nny_> i played clarinet in fifth grade, because i wanted to make cool noise like benny goodman. benny goodman is and never was cool, though, was he? <`nny_> then i got to middle school and got to choose whether or not i wanted to keep playing in a band, and i said "no, i'll be socially inept in other ways" I quit when I got old enough to get a job, because if I was gonna wear a stupid uniform, follow arbitrary orders and get looked down on socially, I might as well be making minimum wage for it Mostly because I hated almost everyone at my high school. I didn't! That seems uncharacteristic. <{Moogle}> Well, I didn't watch it. <{Moogle}> it looked boring <{Moogle}> Caves <{Moogle}> oooooooOOOOooo things eating women in caves. there was a rush on the genre in the past couple years. <{Moogle}> Sawney Bean. <{Moogle}> Seen it, done it, bought the t-shirt You've eaten women in caves? and the opening act? That One Guy was fun, too. Armed only with his ubiquitous Magic Pipe, his Electric Cowboy Boot, his Electric Saw, and his enormous wooden Electric Saw-holding codpiece, he made fun music. sup Panick. Chaos. Mayhem. You know. The usual. But with an extra K to make it cool. <{Moogle}> to distinguish it from stage panic. I mean, his previous career was writing Doom novels. Doom /novels/. several, in fact. this is indeed central to my point. I cannot imagine what the demographic is who buys those. "Hmm, I did like shooting things, but I just want to know more about the colorful and mysterious world of Doom!" Man, I wish I could torture swarthy people. you're evil. I'm misunderstood. not really. Also, I might be a sociopath. I'm not sure about that. <{Moogle}> You're a boot stamping on a human face forever. and also complaining about the human face dirtying up your boot. You're not a sociopath, you're just not very nice. Penn's a sociopath. No, he's just a poseur. possibly. I just think it's fun to wedge him into these sort of conversations. hey strangers. what's the good word on the street? fiend: Parking. * the_fiend peels off a little gold star and puts it on fd's chest. Thanks, that'll really set off the clasps and padlock. * the_fiend peels off a second little gold star and puts it on fd's * eye. there you go. now you're the star pupil. eye yi yi I have decided I need to find more ways of using fresh mozzarella. Because the local wegman's often has locally produced moz on sale, and it is fuckin' delicious. put it in coffee or in the bird feeder make a hat It's good to see #sluagh maintaining our standards of helpful advice. slather it on a woman. * PatPandaHat has quit () <{Moogle}> off to spread cheese on bitches I really want to photoshop a picture of the Guyver in a kilt and caption it "MacGuyver" If there was ever any doubt that just goes to prove you're a *bad person* * Dei hms and appears to have lost his favorite nude. I've always wanted to play a sort of party game where everyone has to recommend things, like a song, or a model/celebrity, or a book, or whatever, to the person on their right, or above them, or however the group is ordered, based on what they know of that person. But then I always think of how horribly wrong that could go. It could also go hilariously wrong, though! It only works in a party where people know each other at least moderately well, though. Otherwise you're seated next to your friend's cousin's daughter's husband going "I think you would like... Pulp Fiction, because it's a classic?" "I think you would like 'Happiness', because you look like a child molestor" * {Moogle} waterboards Dog * FatherDog liquorboards Moogle Y'know, I never paid much attention in Sunday school. Maybe that's why you're a Jew now. I got in trouble once for drawing God wrong. did you draw him with wheels? or with a vagina? I drew a big eye in the sky, with clouds and majesty lines around it. <{Moogle}> My brother thought nuns had wheels. Well, I have considered having sex with Obama. so he's like Farrakhan in that sense. but I'm not sure how Fox News would know about that. I don't think you've thought your pedophilia scheme through. * Amaya|AFK blinks why are there two of me? cause you're awful and everything you do is wrong. Stop that. #sluagh: Where good questions get bad answers. #sluagh: Undermining your self value one quip at a time it's really just Pat. Well, look, if men were more like big lactating fish, it'd be easier to transmit the feminist worldview. <`nny_> so, pat, are we the only 2 awake? I suppose so. <`nny_> hmm. Your mom's the only two awake. <`nny_> vater: touche. <`nny_> where do you get that wit from? Your mother is in garbage bags tied down at the bottom of the river. It's a gift. Like Pat's unerring ability to crush the human spirit. That's just practice. I worked long and hard, trained high in the mountains. drank ram's piss. A diet high in essential ram's piss is key in spirit-crushing. so .... quiet Well, Alex and Kiru are out celebrating Maus's birthday. And Sam is drinking whiskey and hating. And Moogle is raping baby seals. And fade is editing startrek slashfic. ah, the usual saturday night activities * fadethecat crushes hopes and dreams. Amaya|Work> I'm particularly fond of these http://www.wittner.com.au/shop/shop.aspx?catid=112 They'd go marvellously with the cupboard full of militaria I own but they're more work shoes than clubbing shoes ugh. now show us some pretty ones. * Amaya|Work punches Dei in the face You will not speak negatively in the presence of the shoes. I forbid it. What the hell does Peach's special move do in Brawl? Because it looks like it's just her waving Toad at someone. I would have made waving Toad at someone a taunt rather than a fighting move. But I'm no games designer. nothing says "I don't respect your fighting ability" like "I have been keeping a tiny mushroom man in my voluminous skirts to pleasure me because I get bored when you try to hit me" "Oh, and now i will go be in another castle" <{Moogle}> I thought of a thing Go on. <{Moogle}> you could change your name by deed poll to ObiWan Kenobi for about forty bucks <{Moogle}> Then when the cops pull you over, be all "You don't need to see my identification." <{Moogle}> "We do." <{Moogle}> "You don't need to see my identification." <{Moogle}> "We really do." <{Moogle}> And then you give it up. <{Moogle}> And then they don't believe you. <{Moogle}> And you're all "Oh my god don't taze me what is going on with this country I thought Britain respected the Jedi religion but no, it's like being on Imperial Coruscant so it is" <{Moogle}> And then they arrest you. <{Moogle}> But it's your real name. <{Moogle}> So then they pay you off. <{Moogle}> I have forseen it. Are you going to do this? <{Moogle}> Definitely. <{Moogle}> You can take that to the bank. <{Moogle}> They'll take anything nowadays. I'll kill you. you will not. I will so fucking kill you. you're too lazy. and where would you get new organs? <`nny_> Beat back the communists, jimmy carter! <`nny_> you're our only hope! oh good I just avoided answering the door for fear it might be a maniac or religious fanatic, but when the guy wrote something down and put it in the door, I thought it might have been a delivery I'd have to sign for. But instead it was about Jesus. <{Moogle}> Jesus is coming. <{Moogle}> Sign here. I mean, most everyone in the Illumnati were fucking jerks of some stripe or another. let's see... Reed Richards: dick. Tony Stark: dick. Dr. Strange: dick. Namor: so much of a dick he dicked over the other dicks. Dr. Strange isn't a dick! Dr. Strange was rarely overtly dickish. He's got a van dyke beard. Also, you forgot Charles Xavier: dick. I kind of like Namor just because he's so plainly enjoying the hell out of himself whenever he's being a colossal prick. yeah, that's his virtue. I mean, he isn't being a dick because of any real justification. he's a dick because he can be, he's fucking king of Atlantis. "I rule 75% of your planet's surface and I can go toe-to-toe with the Hulk; I'll be as big of an asshole as I want and you suck on it, landies." "And stop dropping garbage down here, dammit." "I have wings on my ankles and all your women want me, so go fuck yourself and your fathers, air-breathers." I JUST GOT MY GAMES! ON A SATURDAY THEY ARRIVED I WILL PLAY THEM FUCK YOU EASTER your mistake is that you're thinking logically you've got to think japanese hint: inscrutable further hint: try raping something spoiler: shout RAPE into the mic I looked it up on the gamefaqs. <{Moogle}> the big robot is also named AL3X-NDR <{Moogle}> Alexander is a classic Final Fantasy summon <{Moogle}> he represents the element of Giant Robots. <{Moogle}> really <{Moogle}> no, not really <{Moogle}> Giant Holy Robots, to be more precise What is with Japanese off-beat games and the extra supernatural element. "Okay, you're a lawyer." "Got it!" "also, there's a ghost that possesses people to help you." "What?" "You're a doctor! Also, you stop time via satanic ritual." Japan is filled with people who believe in ghosts and that blood type determines personality and that Koreans evolved from monkeys but Japanese people were created ex nihilo out of pure awesome. I'm half-expecting Cooking Mama to have a stage where you're forced to cook Kappa or something. packing for going to Arizona tomorrow. why're you going to Arizona? have you given up on life? She has Baseball Fever! we're actually not going to see any baseball, just relations. Dei: so, yes on the giving up on life? yeah, pretty much. Packing lots and lots of sunscreen. and hats. remember to pack fluids. And a gun. Also, your dog. The gun is NOT for shooting the dog. what if he gets the virus? Which one? the plague. Some zombie one. they still have it in Arizona, as I recall. Kiru: Well, how much would you like to be a zombie? It's certainly better than being dead, but less good than being alive. I would prefer not to be, but I wouldn't get too broken up about it. I think given your current win/loss record against your data dog, you may as well resign yourself to zombiehood if the dog gets it. I haven't had a gun before! precisely! The dog is tiny and has no fear of guns yet. you have little to no experience with guns and are facing a predator who no doubt would become even more bloodthirsty thanks to the zombie rage. good as undead. Your best protection, I'd say, is shin guards. I remember My Little Pony and Rainbow Brite and that thing with the bears. Care Bears. yeah. I had the one with the rain cloud. Grumpy Bear which kind of explains a lot about my formative years. "Here, a care bear! Yours has a poor attitude and sees the world as a dark and gloomy place." "Oh, thank you mother, I will treasure this." I always did well in history courses. then how can you be a commie, commie? irrational human sentiment. seems like political science and maybe philosophy would be good for turning people red but not history In all fairness, I think that if there's one thing History has shown, it's that you can't judge a system of government by what happens when Russians adopt it. OMG, Alik! Different Alik. Oh. That's okay!! Alik is an RPG.netter that I hooked up with Pat for Mage gaming. <{Moogle}> and casual sex Definitely mage gaming and not anonymous gay s- Dog, you're really slowing down. I was typing a much longer sentence! I lied about my typing ability on my Planned Parenthood volunteer sheet. but not about my love of abortion! <^chris_> does thing know persona 4 is coming out? <`nny_> probably on some level. <`nny_> he's got something like a 'spider sense' but for perversion and video games. my puppies have dug several ankle-snapping holes in the backyard, presumably to thwart burglers. besides, I would never hurt a cat. A dog, maybe. Dog, especially. Hitler is not aquatic! Space Hitler is. That is possibly the most awesome argument to walk in on in the history of this channel. My browser refuses to display the link from that article, which may indicate that my browser has more sense than I do, given I clicked on it. We stayed up till far too late watching a brawl on the street. Other people's violence is a lot funnier when you insert your own dialogue. Chaplain said that. now I'm beating up named villains this is good and also villainous Before we can co-operate, we must fight Just to see what's up. Is that how the Sinister Six teamed up? They teamed up because when Dr. Octopus was banging Aunt May, he stole Peter's little black book, which was mostly Villain addresses. this gay makeout simulator is even better than the shoe-shopping simulator! when I lead mankind to victory against the intelligent machines and they go building a statue of me, make sure that it's got anti-seagull measures preferably grabbing and eating them but I'd settle for flak cannons <`nny_> "I have a hangover, only got an hour of sleep, and I'm supposed to be at work eight minutes ago (yes, that's how I meant to word it). Other than drinking another beer or hobo semen, how can I feel better?" <`nny_> note to self: thank Vater for shitty_advice. huh, that's weird someone referring to their husband as "DH" I thought that was a conservative christian thing. it means "dear/darling husband" Maybe they mean something different! Like "dick haver" or "differently-sexed housemate" Nobody move, this is a hold up * PatPandaHat shoots Dog. Dammit, Pat, you're terrible at following instructions. <`nny_> we ended up not playing the Jedi game. i ran Dragonlance. the party just met the death knight who's been sent to kill them. big guy, black armour and cape, red flaming sword? asthmatic If I was a death night, I'd dress in a lot of white and get an inhaler. that'd fool 'em. If I was a death knight, I'd wrap myself in bandages and sleep in a pyramid. And laugh at Van Richten when he tried to burn me. And then kill him. and then demand your flunkies call you MUMM RA? Yes! <{Moogle}> I'm extremely virile. You haven't knocked the little lady up yet. <{Moogle}> I only have to look at a woman of child-bearing age and she shoots an hour-long torrent of eggs into her uterus <{Moogle}> neverending I don't believe you. <{Moogle}> sometimes there's even a little jet propulsion effect Unless Kiru doesn't actually go to classes, but is constantly getting abortions, I find this hard to believe. It's extremely far-fetched, sir. well, I would be the type. Yes. <{Moogle}> no, my guys are just stoned <{Moogle}> doing the backstroke, swimming in circles, chilliaxin' <{Moogle}> not impregnatin' Where are you going? oh, Japan. duh. Hai. Do you think you could bring me back one of those Japanese girls that cosplay as SS Officers? or a loligoth? I'm pretty sure that won't fit in carryon. You're checking a bag, right? I bet she'd fit in that. Well, yes, but then she'd freeze to death in the cargo hold. Were you craving a loli-pop? Also, Kiru, *what* is so chilling about that paragraph? the first part. "If you were a leader, and you saw that you could do these things and be caught out with not so much as a whisper in the press, would you be motivated to stop?" hell no! In fairness, I think it's been demonstrated that were Alex a leader, the only thing that would motivate him to stop his reign of terror would be a mass armed uprising, or possibly Flash Gordon. <{Moogle}> black Rambo <{Moogle}> Rambro. I used to procrastinate all the time! Now I've completely eliminated any work I might put off, so I don't procrastinate any longer. my ultimate goal is to die and therefore get rid of all my bad habits in one go. “With a robot prostitute,” he writes, “the control of disease is implicit — simply remove the active parts and put them in the disinfecting machine.” Pat: Love in the Time of Autoclaves * fade_game leaves this window at Little Miss Sunshine, comes back to * pegging. This must be #sluagh. <{Moogle}> I also thought about applying for the Personal Learning & Development Officer post at Ayr College. <{Moogle}> Not only am I qualified, but my particular qualification is about the best degree you could have other than an actual Education degree. <{Moogle}> "Here's how to improve your career prospects and get a job - train in being a pipe-fitter or roofer. Do not do a BA in Cinema." <{Moogle}> No shortage of WANTED: MEN type adverts <{Moogle}> MEN WANTED TO DO MAN STUFF WITH TOOLS <{Moogle}> Ten years experience and weird vocational qualifications mandatory. <{Moogle}> Binge drinking problem optional, but desired. <{Moogle}> Tattoo allowance. <{Moogle}> If you don't have any, we'll pay for some. <{Moogle}> What? <{Moogle}> I'm not bitter or anything. <{Moogle}> Ludicrous. Gordon Ramsay is a fantastic chef and an even more fantastic asshole. I don't know that I've seen that much of him just cooking <{Moogle}> he mostly kills things and shouts at people <{Moogle}> top Chefing chefs are graded on how much they terrify others. the hope is that by terrifying others, they'll also terrify the disease-spirits that seek to reside in the food and later kill us. Y'know what would be nice to have on a resume? Astronaut. I'd work to be an astronaut, and then just take shit jobs for the rest of my life so I could have it on my resume. and then let people check. I want a t-shirt that says "I Messed With Texas" fade! you're not dead! yet. PatPandaHat - #sluagh's optimist Good-natured malice is one of the defining characteristics of #sluagh! yes, i am also busy being bummed by sailors. thank you, amaya. i might have to be a fey little treefrog. oh crap a call Stupid tech monkey job... * Ur-Quan has quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client) * Ur-Quan (cbca9c52@6ca5ecba.6ca5ecf9.67.207.imsk) has jo ined * #sluagh Idle you idiot. Don't quit every time there's a call or I'd be in and out like FatherDog in a crazy lady convention Okay, I gotta be up in like four hours, so I'm going to sleep now. Parting shots? SEE YOU IN TOKYO PATER * Amaya|Work waves like a retard at the ice cream van so now Uruguay has legal gay marriage of all the countries that should, that's probably one of the first. After Lesbos I got sunburned again. Stop being so white. Ever since I began taking pride in my African heritage, I've never been sunburned. Idiots summoning demons because they want somebody to do their laundry. "I've never been good at geometry, and I'd like you to help me with my math final." "Yyyyeah this isn't a pentagram you drew." <{Moogle}> "And I'm not the demon of mathematics. But I know him! Mind if I call him through?" <{Moogle}> "Sure!" <{Moogle}> "LEGION" <{Moogle}> Wall to wall demons before you know what up <{Moogle}> No laundry getting done * PatPandaHat has given up on the mustard-flavored Universal Solvent, * is now working on a lodge for Werewolf: the Forsaken. I was on an adventure today, kind of. Do tell One of my friends decided he was going to go an a tour of allllllll the White Castles in the state of New Jersey. So he gathered up some friends and a GPS, and started at eight this morning. We set up a welcoming party for the troupe at the one closest to us, so they rolled in to the Rocky theme and a round of applause They should be finishing it in Howell around now, actually So while I didn't actually go on the tour (I'd have to kill myself), I still got to get in on it. They had special t-shirts made -- "Storming the Castle" The joke is, next time we'll tour all of the Sonics in NJ. There's only one, down the shore. That's it. So! Did you have any adventures today? Even lame fast-food-related ones will do. See: mine. Dwarves have been described as being composed entirely of Beer and Beard. By unkind people, of course. "Unkind, But Accurate" is one of the many #sluagh mottos. X-Men, to be precise, has always been Wolverine's origin story. "How Wolverine joined the X-Men, How Wolverine became Wolverine, How Wolverine sucked at making a second sequal." "How Wolverine fought Dracula back in the day" I think I'm having the hardest time with the dwarf druid. it's just... weird. Rocks is nature, too! like I always kind of have this picture of dwarves being afraid of trees because they've never seen them before. Y'need trees to run the forges, lad! "WHAT'S THAT?!" That's a tree. "A TREE? HOW DO YOU GET GOLD OUT OF THAT?" You don't. They make fruit. "IS THAT LIKE GOLD?" <`nny_> I think this game has the potential to generate a new, as yet unknown, form of arson involving no fire whatsoever. If it makes them happy, who am I to judge? Joe Dredd Okay, spontaneous hooker outbursts have been revoked. well, most of the default #sluagh strategies are for the worse. "#sluagh: For the worse." Another excellent motto. We have many. we're the Oscar Wilde of chatrooms. SANCTUM DEOS! ATRAVAX PRO QUID! HUMPUM LEDORUM! ABRACA DUBORIS! THE HUMPTY DANCE IS YOUR CHANCE TO DO THE HUMP Hoi, chris, vio, Alex, fade I'm not saying hello to Penn unless he indicate s he's actually here rather than drinking whiskey and pissing on copies of The Wheel of Time I am so sleepy. Have more caffeine! but caffeine is a drug! The government says that winners don't do drugs! The government also says water-boarding isn't torture. Drink your soda. No matter how much I clean, I can't lose the dog smell. burn incense! And a heretic. Hm. All outta heretics. You'll have to fall back on goat sacrifice, then. Woo hoo! But then, there's goat smell. THERE'S NO WINNING. Goats smell delicious! Bah. No pun intended. MalkQuotes! Reminding me that I'm kinda sane in comparison. Belgium makes sleepy! How it is in Oz? lush and green. filled with death. just the way i like it. Santa! I wanna pony! You'll get crude petroleum and like it! <`nny_> there's a breeze outside. I can see it moving the trees. WHY DO YOU MOCK ME, WIND?! The wind hates all that lives. <`nny_> so, the wind is Pat? <`nny_> that would certainly explain the mockery. so, I'm a sylph now? Yep. Spreading sylphilis. I seem to not be doing that great a job at it. You're still young. I'm like a tiny little ninja. * You are now known as BaroqueObama MY FELLOW AMERICANS * You are now known as FatherDog * Dei tries to think of a good pub trivia team name. Help me out, guys Jewboy O'Reilly and the Dancing Dago Brothers. * Dei coughs. I any of us were Jewish or Italian, I'd be all over that. aw. darn your honky heritage. Maus is a polack. yeah. but she's also Maus, so I'm afraid to insult her heritage. Heh. it'd be different if it was Dog. "Krakow Detox Clinic" I do not want to be tired yet So Dr. Pepper up. a little worried about how my stomach'd react to that. I'm having an indigestion night Oh. * Nette_ thinks. Have you tried stabbing yourself repeatedly in the thigh? <`nny_> ah, #sluagh. best advice channel ever. "tired? stab yourself in the thigh. anything else? murder a hobo." <`nny_> "in fact, murder a hobo when you're tired, too. it can't hurt." Boobs and vodka are stable currency. <`nny_> I'll be back... WITH MORE DWARF! EqD is now a father for those of you that know him Has he devoured the infant so it does not usurp him? alex: It's sufficiently formed to prevent that :( Sadly, age has caused ED to lose his ability to unhinge his jaw. For swallowin'. Also yes, if EqD ate everything Best made he'd be the size of a house. * FatherDog chuckles. Yeah but at least I'd be the WHITE HOUSE With a tiny brain at the centre? I can see that. Tits out for justice! WHY DOES IT PREVENT ME FROM MAKING A BALL OF HANDS?! I'm putting band-aids on my right hand, and watching Dudley Do-Right. <`nny_> ooh. what happened to your hand? oh, it got some scrapes and cuts from... well, I'm not really sure. <`nny_> it's getting into fights without your knowledge! No one regrets sky octopus. speaking of which, i came up with a genius plan to make money exploiting japanese perverts, and mock mormons at the same time. Hee hee hee. Thing: You live in upstate Pennsylvania; where would you even find Mormons to mock? FD:We've got a bunch of them on mission duty in this area. For some strange reason, they've taken on the local "My vagina doubles as a clown car!" as a charity case. anyway, we get some Mormon special underpants....and then we have a japanese schoolgirl defecate into them, on camera. We then sell the video and the pooped in magic underpants to japanese buisnessmen. I don't think most Japanese have the slightest clue what Mormons even are. we include a copy of the book of mormon, and market it as Maho no Pantsu. Amaya: You're a goth, maybe you can tell me. Parse error at line Amaya. what's worse than graverobbing? Corpsefucking. Incestual rape? covered, covered. Can I have some background here well, I'm watching one of the earlier S4 House episodes. and House has his interns robbing a grave to check for Mad Cow. it occured to me that this is way worse than his usual B&E requests. Oooh Grave robbing *and* corpse violation That's pretty up there so I'm pondering what criminal act he'll request in S5 to up the ante. murder is basically off-the-table since they end up killing patients several times per episode anyway. Pat: Your description of house is starting to sound a lot like the quotes description of 24. Dog: Well, it's Fox. antes must be upped on all programs. Bauer must saw off a guy's head in the White House. House must encourage crack addiction in Wilson to act as a control group. Gordan Ramsey must stick a girl's head in a fryolator. jesus, I'm so conflicted. Jun 23 21:38:19 that's because you rejected pie I wanted something that's generally right but not detailed so I can toss it at my players and have them understand the general mode of the campaign. "You are the PCs. Your job is to suffer. I am the GM. My job is to enjoy your suffering." * parrworky (cgiirc@e0c889c4.med.de44ee6c.edu.hmsk) has joined * #sluagh * parrworky opens the magical tupperware that is #sluagh, and finds * you all still fresh! YAAAAWWWWWN God help me make it through these last 20 minutes. and the drive home. <`nny_> almost there! you can do it! <`nny_> go, white boy! go, white boy! go! <`nny_> ... shit, that sounds like I'm having gay sex, doesn't it? <`nny_> with a white boy. A little bit, yeah. <^chris_> goddamnit but its hard to type with this stupid bandaid on What have you done to yourself? <^chris_> onions, my racial enemy, have once again caused me to almost cut my left pointer off Nice. I am suffering from Winter Windburn. My lips currently look like I've been chewing the flesh of my enemies <^chris_> wait...you haven't been? Shhhh * Lelio (chatzilla@d9007798.static.tpgi.6ca6b00c.au.hmsk) has joined * #sluagh hi Lelio! I haven't received my hot female lawyer yet. you'd be amazed at how hard it is to convince smart young women to be shipping across the pacific for a life of concubinage. What, they don't have powerful narcotics in Australia now or something? it's possible Amaya and her people have consumed them all already. <`nny_> time to try and get to sleep. g'night, people! boo, sleep is for losers meth is for winners! GET ON THE PIPE <`nny_> yes, but work is for money, and money is for meth. <`nny_> I milk this 'job' thing for another few days, make a big fat paycheck, and then it's dopetown, population me. * `nny_ has quit (Quit: i'm a winner!) yeah. totally gonna have trolls sexxoring it up in a cave. Sid Vicious needed to be violated! None of you are innocent! <`nny_> of course I'm not innocent. <`nny_> Innocent people don't rob museums. Of course I'm not innocent. I'm married. I'm innocent, as far as you know. You're online, Dog. Automatic disqualification. My mom plans to lecture my cat on behaving like a cat. oh? Apparently, she disapproves of my cat running around all night and only coming home when she's too hot, hungry, tired, or thirsty. She says Cassiopeia is too mature to do that. My mom is weird. Heya, Thing. heyo FD How goes life as a psych graduate? fairly well. I have two cases where the kids are actually salvagable, and the parents are willing to cooperate with therapy Has your schedule stabilized to the point where you could game again? Also, I recommend the use of Skinner boxes. Yes, a Skinner box! fill it with pigeons and playing cards. that'll create a fine lunatic. See, Pat knows what's up. yes. I'm fully on board with creating a new Fool. Many new Fools. A Fool's Company, if you will. which I won't. We are not creating people to muck with probability, or play Assumption. ....I don't have a large enough body of Tamed water nearby Probability is made to be mucked with! Besides, you live in Tunkhannock; you're going to be mauled by occult forces eventually anyway. You might as well take an active role in your eventual downfall. FD:....I hate that there's merit to that statement Dammit. In the end, the lemurs will have their revenge. <`nny_> trying to decide what game to play. First One To Touch The Electric Fence Loses. it's a great kid's game. basically, you and an assortment of friends get into a fight near an electric fence, and try to push someone into it when its live. after that, the game kind of explains itself. there's only one round, but man, that's a lively round. and how often have you played this game, p? once. win or lose? I'm still alive! but I also know the scent of a child cooking. so, both. * Illdrinn is now known as Amaya|Trashed \o/ I'm the more fun me Hurrah! the improv festival that i was helping out with was a huge success... Were you doing any improv, or just organizing? organizing and videotaping and judging.... judging is always my favourite part. because then i can be mean. "How many times were you hugged as a child, on a scale of one to not enough?" My attempt at lazy is failing utterly I think tomrorow I will turn off my phone and have a nap in revenge no you won't. * Amaya|Work hangs her head in shame No but I will secretly dream of it while hating people on a phone conference MURDER MOST RAOUL Dei sure does hate cryogenically-frozen ghost-hunting Italians. * FatherDog has changed the topic to: Sasquatch: Official Cryptid of * #Sluagh sorry, I'm trying to find my spider a date I have 3 people interested in my tarantula stud services. You know, I still wish I could join the Wu-Tang Clan. Follow your dreams! Hmmm illicit work sex. Amaya decrees this acceptable. Go forth and rub yourself innappropriately on your coworker. Amaya: What do you do, exactly? Amaya runs Sydney. And Bartertown. Same place. * Amaya blinks My boyfriend is ordering a $120 coffee tamper Keep in mind this is basically a big hammer that use use to push the coffee down into the espresso "puck" $120. He's a freakin' weirdo. Well, he puts it in your pooper. Of course he's a weirdo! Don't let him put the coffee tamper in your pooper. OUT OF BOUNDS ... I'll take that on board. Das Boy says "Of course I wouldn't do that... that's what the old cheap one is for: And by "old cheap one" he means his ex Zing! I need to have an adventure today. And there's only five and a half hours left to have it, until it's officially tomorrow. I mean, I'm not wearing a cute outfit for the hell of it. The goods are on display, I need somewhere to show them off. Go to a gay bar! There's no good ones around here. Except for the Colusseum, and it's drag night. Real girls always look super-dowdy next to drag queens. That's why you need to start throwing punches. That just gets me arrested, love. That's a type of adventure. Also, why am I making a SNAKE with BOOBS? but, in other news, the kid the knife man stabbed, decapitated, guted and ate parts of appears to be a juggalo/icp fan... do you think he tasted funny? <^chris_> is your tv still all wonky? Not as such. <^chris_> just that i remember it being wonky, is all. <^chris_> what with the revenants crawling out of it at all hours That's because the power went out slightly before you got in, and the remote is a piece of shit Plus, the revenants They're in and out of that thing at all hours Leaving drip trails on the carpet an' all <^chris_> i think you can get traps for them down at home depot What would I do with 'em once they were trapped? They make terrible pets. <^chris_> well...i think they can be converted to sauces and mustards? <^chris_> i'm sure i read that...somewhere Ladies Home Journal of Carcosa, I'm sure Full of helpful hints and useful recipes I could handle some gay! Swamp Monster: the Stenchening, dammit! holy crap. John Galt was a 19th century Scottish novelist. I now have a smart-ass answer for objectivist grafitti! yay! Pat: Everyone's been in softcore porn. I haven't. Actually since you live in Florida, even a shut-in such as yourself has about a 50/50 chance of having appeared in the background of a Girls Gone Wild dvd at some point Amaya! Did you like my fetus!? anyway, yes, me and Dog narrowed down the Hunter citygen. I've now got it situated on Los Angeles, and if I get players, I'm going to ask that they try making the kind of team you'd have in a police procedural. Can I play Sasquatch? Dog can be Chupacabra. That's Changeling. one state over. There's no Sasquatch in Nevada! Alex: There might be! It gets cold at night. They could hide in deep caves during the day. there's a lot of holes in the desert. Emerging at night to stalk the pueblos for lizards and coyotes. pueblos? that's Arizona, you gint. Pat: Sasquatch know no political borders! there's nothing in Nevada but casinos and whorehouses. Sasquatch have needs! I'm also working on Changeling, by the way. I think I'm coming close to a court-system, at least. Will it address the unique needs of Sasquatch? How should I decorate my new DS? It's pink. And I already thought of "like a vagina" before you ask. Princesses and Unicorns. and sparkles. lots of glitter. ribbons. hmmm. Maybe like a really subtle vagina. 42 minutes of people having sex they actually seem to be enjoying! The only drawback is I can't shut down my computer or I'll lose my place. 42 minutes? Fuck that noise * Dei shrugs. Like the Indians before me, I use all the parts of the * porn. The only erotic fiction I ever read was slash. Mulder/Skinner slash. Starscream/Lucy Van Pelt Bauer/Palmer KITT/ALF * fade_sporing is now known as fadethecat fade has now released her spores into the upper atmosphere. There, they will drift until they find fertile ground, where they will germinate into tufts of brightly-colored hair whose roots will eventually form frustrated writers with low alcohol tolerance. I kind of want to play an old school troll in Shadowrun. Lives under a bridge, wears furs, carries a club. Gets paid for runs in goats. The goat standard. Goats are an excellent hedge currency. Buy goats now! Their value will only appreciate! My muscles hurt from WiiFit. <{Moogle}> There's a good cheat out for WiiFit. <{Moogle}> It's called human growth hormone. * `nny_ (dj.subvers@93180dc2.dhcp.fdul.wi.4e125616.com.hmsk) has * joined #sluagh Morning <`nny_> hi! Shadowrun ended with yet another cliffhanger due to Dave having to leave early. <`nny_> his gun-adept and the street samurai were about to go through and waste a bunch of dudes. <`nny_> continuing the grand tradition of murder and theft. the two dwarves are coming in afterwards to loot the bodies. <`nny_> my murder quota is unfilled. San Andreas awaits. Yeah i"m not sure I've had enough coffee for you Next up is an illo from George R. Paczolt's Rat On A Stick, published by Judges Guild in 1982. I love this module because one of the plotlines you can follow (or not) is opening up and operating your own dungeon-based Rat On A Stick franchise. yay!~ Soon, marijuana will be legal and it'll be easier to get LSD and I can finally shatter my mind and drop out of society for good! * Dei dreams of the day. * KiruBanzai has changed the topic to: Sluagh: Reducing Americans' * Vulnerability to Ecstasy My nipples and belly buttons are of the highest quality! also Samuel L. Jackson there is no blaxploitation role that man won't blaxploit hm. Really, very little of what I do doesn't actually involve malice. Helen Mirren is such a fox at 63. Like my mom! That's the creepiest thing I've heard today. Congratulations. "Maverick" is Newspeak for "stupid" I hope it gains currency in that usage at least briefly. "God, it sure was a maverick decision to try and drag race that cop car." "What a hangover...I hope I didn't make too many maverick decisions last night." No human in the history of the species has referred to television as "the frank beam" I was gonna say. Suge Knight is motherfucking crazy. Better watch yourself. I don't say shit abotu Suge Knight. I say plenty of shit about Suge Knight because I don't intend to *ever* go to LA. I don't, because I don't have to be in LA for him to have me killed. I fear Suge Knight like conspiracy nuts fear the NSA. for all I know, their information-gathering networks may well be comparable. One of my friends once hit the singer of an Oasis tribute band in the face with a beer can full of piss at a local open air festival, causing them to walk off and later split up. He is a true hero. that's art criticism I keep forgetting Alex is over thirty. Getting up there myself. That'll be why none of the young hippies trust you Kiru: They never trusted me. I like give off narc-vibes or something. I was trusted by the young hippies. largely because I didn't call them 'young hippies'. I'm trusted by everyone, for reasons I've never been entirely clear on. No, not Richard E. Grant. And Alex is distrusted by young hippies because he was born 29 years old with a tie and a sports jacket. It was colorful and plaid. A squarer man you could not devise with a protractor. Dei: Does Applied Mathematics liase with UCAR, then? Applied Mathematics deals with anyone that applies math. I see. As our chair likes to say, "Somewhere, someone is applying math to something, and we've got to be there." My cat is being weird. I don't know what she wants to freak you out Eh possibly. Crafty kitty. All cats want is the suffering of humanity. And fish. God, it is so creepy to hear Kiefer Sutherland doing commercials. Anyone who's starred in a film where he uses his voice to terrorize someone shouldn't be selling things. BANK OF AMERICA OR ELSE http://slog.thestranger.com/files/2008/09/noguns.jpg * KiruWriting salutes what about...THESE GUNS * KiruWriting flexes Bally's also doesn't allow pets on the premises. unless they're my 24-inch pythons! * PatPandaHat flexes. hee That was good. years watching Hulk Hogan didn't go to absolute waste then. just a majority of waste. Did you get anything else out of that time? Do you have a strategy for your reaction when Hulkamania runs wild on you? Did you even anticipate such a fate? yes. It's called lying down. it's worked before for many men. men I admired. Ted DiBiase, for example. Lance Henrikssen was in this. that's... weird. no. It's James Cameron and surely you know the story of his audition? No, do tell. He was auditioning for the part of The Terminator originally, since the concept for the Terminator was that it could be anyone, someone you don't expect to be a killing machine. once they cast Arnie that went out of the window but anyway, when Lance was auditioning for the role, because he's /crazy/, he got these metallic contact lenses and a trenchcoat, /kicked the door down/ to the audition room and scared the living shit out of the casting director Rampaging killbot style. So somehow on the weekend I seem to have gotten some sort of eye infection Maybe someone gave you a dirty look. If everyone of college age who's eligible to vote doesn't get out there and vote this election, I will hunt them down with my gun that I own because I am Coloradan. <`nny_> so, how's Frankfurt? there are six live sex shows within two blocks of our hostel. so i rate it highly. I used to use Lactose free milk, these days I just use soy for everything Filthy Basques, lacky the superior Aryan gene that lets us enjoy tasty dairy forever. * Amaya|Work stabs Dei through the heart It's not your fault you belong to an inferior race. Your ancestors were created by Chaugnar Faugn, so really, one could argue you're not even entirely human. I kid. I love your people, Amaya. They have cute little toques and everything. chris: It's part of my post-retirement planning. <^chris_> you're going to sail off into a life of choking random strangers? <^chris_> kinda an anti-Kung Fu? My story will be clearly superior. <^chris_> that shouldn't be entirely too difficult to pull off Well, mine also won't have a 30-year-later sequel called The Legend Continues, either. Hopefully. <^chris_> in the future of niche programming, everyone's life will have a 30yr-later sequel In which they and their estranged child fight crime? <^chris_> mainly just long montage shots of them rotting fade: I must admit, if asked who on my friends list would be most likely to post "Things that make me happy: My new machete", you probably would not be in the top five. It's a very nice machete! I'm very happy with it. And I am totally not going to go on a killing spree with it today. No clean clothes. It's important to be well-dressed for killing sprees. Todays spree killers really neglect the basics. You know who else was self educated and self made? That's right. Hitler. No, not Hitler. Johnny 5. Easy mistake. I'm kind of confused and aggravated by Fox recently. all the NewsCorp pieces, really they're trying to sidle to the left thinking nobody will notice Har! WE NOTICE FUCK YOU FIRST AGAINST THE WALL You say that about everyone. It's a big wall. this is fiend talking "the surprise from the day before was that a friend of my from brisbane, nicola, had seen me in the streets of berlin, from a bus and wondered if it was me or not." Yes, it is surprising that someone could see fiend and not immediately know with cold, blinding clarity who it was. that's the worst it's a bit... gestapo. * Moogle has quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer) * Moogle (WOPR@3c5ae5fe.lns5-c7.dsl.pol.14056081.uk.hmsk) has joined * #sluagh gestapwned Chile. where even rape squads weren't good enough for Pinochet. had to go that one step further and send out the dog rape squads I'm fascinated by regimes who have clearly made a conscious decision to be as evil as they can. Skulls on the helmets, murder for sport. That sort of thing. I don't quite understand that. Me either. I can only speculate that they must know something the rest of us do not. Maybe it really is the Matrix and nothing is real. like, there's a valley in Chile somewhere that's nothing but a grid of parallel green lines over a featureless black plain like that bit from the 13th Floor Everyone fears an attack from Space Penis. * ^chris_ mildly electrocutes everyone, just for the entertainment * value * Moogle has a heart attack and fucking DIES, thanks a million <^chris_> oh, like you won't respawn in a minute or two. always tazing me, bro there is divine evidence that tazering amaya's clitoris causes her to spit out magical prizes. I see the game continues to prefer cappa's creatures for epic beasts that terrorize all in their path. Well, he has been doing pretty well at making horrific monstrosities. I don't make horrific monstrosities! You don't make /only/ horrific monstrosities. But you certainly do make them. I do not! Vile calumny! Cosmic Wyrm, Hellhound. Killbeast 014? Cosmic Wyrm is a space ship! any of the killbeasts really The Killbeasts are adorable! killdorable Hee hee. They're called Killbeasts because they're really, really good at killing. And the Hellhound is a tank! They're supposed to have scary names! Giant Nurgling Spider Titan Terror Bird That's science! Chaos Spawn Murderface Murderpillar Hypoxan Murder-Beast No fair just picking all the ones with Murder in their names! Y'know, it *still* amuses me watching stuff like District B13 or Ong-Bak, and realizing rap actually does exist in other languages. J-rap is insane. The Japanese language is kind of designed to be spat out as fast as possible, so a lot of it sounds like the micromachine guy rapping. Or a very eloquent machine gun. I think I'm growing wings the itch and ache all over the shoulder blades, the thing in my chest which feels like it needs to pop like a knuckle Either that, or you're having an embolism. i died give me twenty bucks or i'll haunt u wait, what the hell, no american dollars indeed give me a box of steel nails “I recently attended a Q&A session with one of the writers of ‘Eagle Eye’ after a free screening organized by the magazine Creative Screenwriting. During the Q&A, the writer said that he and whomever it was that helped him co-write the ‘Eagle Eye’ screenplay were in the process of writing a sequel to Blade Runner Blade Runner 2: Run Sharper Blade Runner 2 The Limit "Are you a replicant...or a REPLI-CAN?" * KiruBanzai dives off a building shooting guns You find a turtle in the desert on its back. "I do a screaming 720 olly off its shell on my 2009 Kawasaki Blade Runner motorcycle!" On the other hand, the media would have you believe giraffes only die in horrifying and grotesque ways. Sometimes, they just get old and eaten by a lion. I almost said "beaver" because beavers are funnier than lions. But that would have been grotesque. a bit, yes well, it's not all lions, is it? I mean, there's hyaenas and those wild dogs. Yeah, it's gonna be a lion that brings a giraffe down. those must factor for a couple giraffe deaths, right? or a man with a gun. oh. Sometimes they get struck by lightning. or hit by an airplane. Only airplanes that are landing! well, that's good. I dunno how I would feel if they were hit by airplans in mid-flight. because either those planes are flying really low, those giraffes are much taller than I was led to believe by Animal Planet, or they've begun rudimentary flight. Sometimes, they'll accidentally kill one another. Sometimes, their urethra gets blocked and they die. and they're *extremely* sensitive to anesthesia complications. why do you know so much about giraffe death Do you want to tell us something What's wrong with knowing how things die? Doomsday? It's not so much a film as it is a bunch of sequences out of other, better films, stitched together incoherently. It's a bit like something that would've been printed in 2000ad about ten years ago. call it fifteen Particularly the cannibal Glaswegians. It's not really explained why they're cannibals. I just assumed the turned to cannibalism because as Glaswegians born in the late 1990s and early 2000s, they didn't know that meat came from cows. they had to figure out where meat came from through trial and error. Maybe meat comes from tires! arrgh! ooerr, starvey! Let's try eating Chuck! Hey, Chuck's made of meat! We're done here! No further trials necessary. okay, all high level wizards clearly live on farms. they need to many animal parts, fur, dung, and products. too many. I'd love to play a game as a wizardry supplies peddler. That would be a great hook. Your party runs the caravan. You travel all over, fighting random encounters and haggling with people who can destroy you with a word. hee. But they need your brightly colored sand and tufts of bat fur. they sure do! But if they're unscrupulous, they might believe they can get bat fur easier by disintegrating you. Make sure they're wrong. Component Tycoon "You haggle with Bat-Farmer John for his bat-accessories." "Bat-Farmer John says there's nothing wrong with you he can't fix with his hands." I am nothing of the sort; and forcibly dressing women to my will is part of the interesting landscape that is my personality. * cappadocius leaps onto fiend and rides him around like a pony. i don't see no sugar cubes... I don't see no trampling of my foes in battle. http://www.netflix.com/Movie/Fido/70048300?trkid=226871 ah. i've seen the cover at the store, but i've not rented yet. Just came up on my recs list and it seemed like your sort of film. i love the reason it has an r-rating. I like that they specified. it's like an official recognition of the "lifeform" i mean, you don't see "for orc-related violence" Maybe you should! The noble orc has been marginalized long enough! or "for predator-related violence" after world of warcraft, lord of the rings and warhammer online..... i'm not sure how marginalized they can be... Tokenism! ok, i mean there's no international speak like an orc day... They're keeping the green man down. or orc shambles through the city... dat iz rong. Oh how I wish people in this MUSH scene would stop discussing naga sex. What's a synonym for evolutionary pressure? Natural selection? selective pressure since I'm writing for a popular audience I think I'll just straight say Darwinian pressure even though that's technically the term for the crushing weight of a giant beard went back to John K's blog He's lamenting the death of the stereotype. http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_mJ4lc_Q9Q6k/SORR7ykXcyI/AAAAAAAARq4/dV2R4GnlnX8/s1600-h/zoot-suit.gif I kind of regret that zoot suits are associated with a stereotype. Because I kinda think they're awesome-looking. Start a new stereotype, Dog? murderous chicano thug! I'd kind of have to be chicano first, wouldn't I? murderous polish thug They wear beaters and track pants. murderous polish IT professional. Look, do I have to come up with ALL the ideas here? http://echelon.mirror.waffleimages.com/files/ca/ca157708adc643692524c0a563bfcfc69dab74b9.jpg in any case the head trip for me is that he's black which is a good positionality if you want to wear clothing with the word "nigger" on it, I suppose Probably no one will punch you Maybe other black guys "This is for endorsing systematic oppression!" POW "And this is for font choice!" SOCK hey fiend What'd you do with Moogle? i'm not doing a thing, at this stage. we watched a lot of heroes.... some comedy on youtube... and now.... the real hustle... that one's excellent "the real hustle" scams. in the ass. done to real people... in the ass. you know what it is already We've talked about it at great length I know what it is. I'm making gay innuendo, thanks. I'm implying that fiend and Moogle are engaging in lacodaemonian passtimes. are you suggesting i'm resting the laptop across his back while i take him roughly from behind? man that is not okay not at all... the heat from the machine would make him sooooo uncomfortable.... It would loosen the muscles. And I had imagined it would be more gentle. an act of pure manly love. it would get sweat in the feet. I will kill each of you with a hammer a different hammer they were talking about having a friendly car horn I would like to have lots of different horns so that I could communicate various things to other drivers I would have a "Nice signal, jackass" horn, and a "Why are you jeopardizing my life" horn, and a "I have read your many bumper stickers" horn maybe one that asks the meaning of custom license plates So, really, he's already met your mother, and Bob Sagat is just tormenting his children until their mother comes home. correct. which is pretty much what Bob Saget would do. I really prefer Bob Sagat. I like to imagine he'll do a Tiger Uppercut on his son at the end of the series. Bob Sagat, on the other hand, would Tiger DAMMIT wow. Discovery is going to show man-on-sheep. specifically, the way they're using to castrate sheep is by pulling the testicles out with their teeth. That seems a little unnecessarily low-tech. You say unnecessary. I say /sexy/. When did you become Welsh? the twelfth of leekmas tis a welsh holiday, lookyou this certainly does explain the reputation sheep farmers acquire, though. How old are the sheep? Because that seems like a good way to get hoof-face the condition where your face gets stove in by many hooves I assume you'd be worried about being checked at the US end? my experience of Scottish security was bizarre. They checked me on the way back from London, as if I'd caught English But on the way from Australia nothing I had stuff to declare because I'd bought too much alcohol in Dubai Couldn't find someone to tell "I've got too much alcohol!" *blank stare* "Too much." "Not following?" They have a statue in Salem, the other one, the real one to commemorate (if that's the right word) witch-burnin'. it's a statue of Elizabeth Montgomery. Samantha from Bewitched. "I truly believe that women should ban together for future elections and call it the ?Vagina Votes? and help raise up women who are trying to make our country better - I do not mean Claire McCaskill, Nancy Pelosi and the ilk." You know what's a big monolithic block with the same interests, is women well, men certainly are. Why I can't go an hour without getting my latest blast fax from the Cock Consulate. ... note to self: "blast fax from the Cock Consulate" is an excellent masturbation reference. hail! I'm not greeting you, it's suddenly hailing like crazy <^chris_> today is rent day rent is for people who don't have friends in the Yakuza! or the Triads. yeah, but his landlord probably won't require him to have pearls hidden in his foreskin, a dragon fuckign a geisha tattooed on his back and inner arms, or his fingers cut off if he offends the oyabun. then again, this is chris, so he may have all that shit already. Hmmm historical penis. My coworker is telling friend of a friend "car taht runs on water" stories. I feel I need to leave the area. Shit on his chest. Then tell him he can be first in line for the new car that runs on shame. Kiru, I swear to God, if you make me look at another Electronic Tigers comic, I will come to your house and kill your dog. Lucky there /is/ no God. Only dog. Only me. There's more than one dog. I'm a polycanist. Hrm. I think I shouldn't watch The View when they're talking about real topics instead of hollywood gossip Not unless you enjoy people who aren't very bright wearing their ignorance like a colorful hat Also, no one is offended by me, ever. Dei: In person or here? In person, you hag. Post-patricide is traditionally a rocky time in the relationship. and Elijiah Wood fills me with rage. So much rage. How? He looks just like the soft and womanly White Christ of the olden times. With his big soulful eyes and his pale, pale skin. rage. Jesus was a black man. ahuh http://www.beansouptimes.com/images/Malik%20Yusef.jpg He looks like this. Jesus, I mean. I'm not questioning Black Jesus. http://img143.imageshack.us/img143/1892/jesus12pc.gif I'm Elijiah Wood, and I love you. It sickens me. Pumpkin is generally eaten as a savoury here, in fact pumpkin soup is one of the sort of classic australian winter dishes Kiru, what's a savoury? It's like a savory, but foreign. Why must you people throw away our precious vowels We worked hard for those vowels All getting conquered by the french and stuff. I suppose that CAN'T be easy. * KiruBanzai watches Predator. They based Blaine off of me in that movie. I'll keep that in mind. We're both goddamned sexual Tyrannosaurs. ...I'll try very hard /not/ to keep that in mind. cat ony my face. typing awkedward. breathing slightly diffuclt. lungs full of fure. hoping my touch typing skills are up to par. No idea how i'm going to converse, with others, though. either going to sleep because of soothing purring or because ir supply cut off. I regret most everytig,. * Dei has quit (Quit: I see you are distracted by my daughter's awesome rocking tits.) Oh, right. Auto-connect. Hi, people. hi, fade. I know it's november, and the 'nano' refers to writing, but I keep thinking "miniaturized fade in your bloodstream! makin' you sterile!" Wow, the Welsh national anthem is appallingly stupid sounding hail to the leeks we have chosen for the nation I don't know how that possibly comes as a surprise dog, I mean they are welsh I once punched a man for saying Hawk the Slayer was rubbish. This writer hasn't provided headlines or coverlines. What are some snappy 3-5 word headlines for the Cthulhu movie Amaya: LOAD OF SHITE Maya: "Tori Spelling Less Than Squamous" why is God always smacking the parts of America with the densest concentration of born-agains Trailers are tempting targets in his sight for lo, they do scatter like unto rice in a whirlwind And yea, do the doublewides bounce like the dickens when they hit the sod race-mixing Race-Mixing brought us O-Bama, son of Jor-Bama! did I mention that my parents think I'm a vampire My mother bought me UV color-changing beads, "So you can run into the shade, hissing, when they turn colors" I was thinking about the central messages of all the major comic writers Warren Ellis: "A big 'fuck you' to the status quo" Neil Gaiman: "Everyone has /worlds/ inside them!" Garth Ennis: "Being Irish is great, ~fartz~" Grant Morrison: "Nothing is true, everything is permitted" Brian Michael Bendis: "People say funny things" Mike Mignola? "I like pulp" Terry Moore: "Women should rule over us as goddesses, DYKE POWER" Dave Sim: "I'm nuts" Terry Moore sounds like Joss Whedon. That's accurate. But less...good. Scott McCloud: "WOWIE ZOWIE COMICS, EVERYONE DO SOME COMICS, COMICS AR E THE BEST COMICS ARE GREAT COMICS" Miller? Sluts and guns. You know that one yes, I'd just like to hear your version. "Getting shot builds character" David Lapham: "KILL YOURSELF" Brian Azzarello: "I'm from tha streetz" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Azzarello you're from Cleveland, homes P. Craig Russell: "Opera is good if you're gay" hrm. Jeff Smith: "I wish I was Walt Kelly." http://farm1.static.flickr.com/41/115955760_52478ea423_b.jpg For real, what the fuck is wrong with Australia? it's Texas Island. We couldn't be fucked leaving the shoreline to go kill everything. It's kind of ironic that the major problem with a country settled primarily by murderers and robbers is that they didn't kill enough Nothing says the holidays like the slow pooling of someone else's blood. Hmm. I wonder if you could get a special spider-eating cat. Kiru: See that's really no help, my first cat as a kid was a keen spider hunter. This would mean she'd turn up on your bed with one half chewed in it's mouth that she would drop on you and then watch amusedly as it tried to limp away across you. ha ha! Awesome! She's trying to teach YOU to be a spider hunter! "get the spider, May May! You can do it! I softened her up for you!" "pounce like I showed you!" * KiruBanzai is now known as KiruPP DEATH TO FETII Were the Vortigaunts the humans of Xen? well, they like TV and wear chef hats. so maybe. (that's two out of my three standards for sapiancy.) and three? The capacity to commit suicide. I have different priorities than biologists. also, this genetic testing must be an onslaught for taxonomists. it seems like every month, they find out they were completely wrong about one species or another. "Holy crap, the red panda is actually a weasel! And the rhino is actually part Dodge Dart!" I always did feel rhinos could be improved by spoilers. and lights under their stomachs. of course, the white rhino would paint itself orange and have a Confederate flag stencil on its back instead. Much time would be spent trying to get its horn to play "Dixie" <`nny_> I think they're running out of marvels for Modern Marvels. The next episode is going to be "The Turkey." The Turkey is a modern marvel, nny! <`nny_> Dei: howso? Most turkeys in the 21st century are born with organic GPS tracking units, derived from their long atrophied magnetic sensory organs. They have 8 legs and their breasts make up 125% of their body weight. <`nny_> wow, that IS marvelous. <`nny_> but I think you might be lying. Who here has a biology degree?! SHOW OF HANDS! * Dei shows his hands. hm? hm? Anyone else? * KiruMovie raises her hand I have to go to the bathroom. It's a hellish existence, being an anthropomorphic Christian vegetable. I would go as Grace Jones for halloween, if it didn't involve blackface or stripping or getting a flattop Okay, maybe I should think of another costume. can't we just eat chocolate without pretending it's negro brains I want to call people faggots over the internet. I'd do a little Tokyo Rose number "This is your Number One enemy. The news tonight: You are gay." Someone went around and stuck stickers on all the toasters and such at work that say "don't heat it and beat it" I assume someone accidentally started a fire Either that or someone masturbated into a toaster. that would be the other way around the two would be in close proximity. and it's possible both occured! I mean, someone flailing around with a smouldering cock, runs into some drapes, bam, fire. I don't think it's flammable hair is. If you've got enough hair that it's an issue when you're jacking off into a toaster no I can't finish neither could they! Heya, ru. How's the ruery? pretty good I'm alphebetizing shoes. * Amaya|Meeting blinks Is that possible? I think doing something with shoes that Amaya openly wonders about the possibility of indicates you've crossed some sort of threshold. So, um. I think I nuked Beijing. I mean, I was wandering around one of those military posts, and I found some launch codes, and a computer asked me if I'd like to launch an ICBM. So I said sure. then all these klaxons began wailing, and the ground rumbled... so I think I fired the last shot of WW3. Well, look on the bright side. Dog: What's the bright side? Pat: China, since it glows in the dark now. I love this essay question I'm not going to do it, but it's great "Based on your course readings, were the Mongols such bad guys after all? Why or why not?" well, which ones? the ones that sacked Kiev, or the fat lazy ones towards the end of their rule over China? all of them everyone from Mongolia who conquered an empire and ruled it oh. yeah, they were mostly jackholes. I dunno There are definitely worse people to be colonized by. The Mongols tried really hard to respect local customs and adopt local weaponry. but obviously they also killed people like it was going out of style which it certainly wasn't * Dei is pleased by his Gore Bag. Maus is so mean. She wanted me to kill and eat my cat because the cat laying on my neck prevented me from cleaning my house! To kill and eat lesser beings is the nature of the Horned Maus entropy's the only reason life's worth living! what about fuckin' * PatPandaHat shrugs. "In 1936, a Mexican wrestler named Jesus Velasquez started wrestling as El Murci?lago (The Bat) Velasquez. Wearing a leather mask and an elaborate cape, he would carry a bag into the ring from which he would release a swirl of bats." I don't think it can be emphasized enough that there was a man who would carry a bag of live bats to release before he wrestled "They would bite his opponent, infecting them with rabies, ensuring his ultimate victory." Poor bats. in the fast-paced modern world of 1936 Luchadores, we all too often forget about the bats. I can only see a comedy sketch where Hitler goes online and gets banned everywhere for Godwinning. Mein Comp. hrm... yes! Mein Compaq. You don't *have* to be a wanker to be a goth, I swear to god, people just pick it up as extra credit. I wish I could run a tabletop game of Dark Heresy with you guys. Alex: Get Cut to invent Gate technology. He's a mathematician, he can't do anything useful. if he'd just indulge in some spice, maybe then you'd get yourgate tech although he'd be a big fleshy posthuman thing living in a jar Which would make it very difficult for him to murder prostitutes. Kiru: Free student software from MS https://www.dreamspark.com/default.aspx hmm I do have less than a week of being a student left. You should go rape that opportunity In the face. * Amaya|Work thrusts at her software I don't have the power to control a giant penis chariot yet. But you can dream. You don't have boxing day in the US? nope. We have Christmas, like a proper nation. We have Christmas also Boxing day is the day *after* christmas. right. so there's no point to it. * Amaya|Work cocks her head Boxing Day is when you box up your christmas leftovers, Pat, and give it to the poor. It's the commonwealth equivalent of "black friday" really It's traditionally when you got your christmas bonus and when all the shops go on sale what a strange holiday. * Amaya|Work shrugs It's Victorian. * Amaya|Work nods then again, I had previously assumed it was the equivilent of Super Bowl Sunday. everyone gets together and watches two British men in handlebar mustaches circle each other, fists up. which I contend would be a much more popular holiday. perhaps one could fight a kangaroo. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_L._Sullivan like this guy. In your mind Australia is basically perpetually Depression era US with silly accents isn't it? yeah, basically. and with those hats with corks hanging off the rim. We had a great day in grade 3... Olden Days Day or something, we made damper and played bush ranger, I had a hat with corks hee. "bush ranger" Australian for Highwayman Not having highways at the time see you have some now? Some of the longest in the world If you've ever left the city in Australia it's about all you see for hours at a time why would you ever leave a city in Australia? Master Blaster wants you dead, Pat. or maybe you've accidently blown up the local beer supply in your research. or they don't approve of your marriage to a wombat. I want to dress my dog up as things. To humiliate him Kiru: I predict that attempts to dress your dog will end in someone's humiliation. That someone will not be your dog. heyas CG, good new year? One number changes to another and the cycle continues. Never really been sure why people make such a fuss, to be honest. That is like the least surprising CutGlass revelation ever. my 28th was last week Bah. Children. I got shouted at for being old at a Christmas party a couple of weeks back. :( By a very drunk girl dressed as a mermaid. Yeah mikey is an old man trapped in a young man's body He even irons his little brown and blue plaid hankerchiefs As opposed to CutGlass, who is an older man trapped in an old man's body (made of metal) I presume no difference of opinion from the female perspective in the channel? * CutGlass looks at Amaya, and tries to remember fadethecat's gender. fade is a female, yes. And Amaya is one of those wasps that lays eggs in live prey, yes? :) #sluagh is a place where we hurt the ones we love. With mockery. And bricks. Sometimes. Thursdays. #mar