LAS VEGAS, NV - Bookkeepers and sports buffs alike are anxiously awaiting the outcome of the United States' latest war, as odds on the operation in Afghanistan and the War on Terrorism vary from bookie to bookie, some offering as high as 50-1 against the Taliban Bastards. When asked to justify why the US are so heavily favored, local sports analyst Ted Spicowski credited the team's performance late in the 1901-2000 season. "You gotta look at how this franchise really pulled out all the stops in the final few wars of the last century," Spicowski stressed. "After a disappointing post all-star break road trip through North Korea and Vietnam threatened to derail their whole season, the Yankees really recovered against Iraq and solidified their dominance at the top of league with a solid showing in the former Yugoslavia."

Local sports analyst Dave Wugreff agrees, adding: "Not only excellent finishers, this team also has a history of great starts. They came out strong to begin last season's campaign, winning the Philippine-American War in 1902. I'm seeing that same enthusiasm against the Taliban - they've really come out flying."

Wugreff also referred to an article in a recent edition of Fantasy War Office Pool Magazine that ranked the Bastards' equipment at "obsolete" and their fighting ability at "worse than the French."

Long time fans of the Yankees are hoping this season's team can recreate the magic opening run of 1901-2000, when their predecessors followed the Philippine victory up with two consecutive wins in Europe against Germany and a thrilling come-from-behind win in the Great Pacific Arena against Japan, which was settled in sudden-death overtime.

Others, however, do not share Spicowski and Wugreff's views. Many in the sports community point to the USA's preseason, during which it suffered a crushing loss in a surprise home game against Osama Bin Laden's expansion franchise, the Al Qaeda Terrorists. The home game, the Yankees' first since 1941, was unscheduled and, according to FOX commentator Pat Summerall, "exposed some real weaknesses in their defensive line." The home loss was only the second in Yankee history, a nail-biter won for the Terrorists' by team captain Mohammed Atta's sacrifice fly.

The Yankee's new owner, George W. Bush, was angered by the surprise game and called on other owners to denounce the Terrorists' unsanctioned play. Bush's anger stems from the fact that The Al Qaeda Terrorists are a Middle East League team, while the Yankees are a North Atlantic League franchise. "Sure," said Bush, "when I owned the Texas Rangers, we had inter-league play all the time. But this is kinda different. They must be ticked off about that trade we made with Israel, or something." When asked if he had yet relayed his complaint to Commissioner Kofi Anan, Bush replied: "Who?"

Yankee fans respond to their team's detractors by pointing out the support of a fellow NATO League team, the United Kingdom Limeys. "I really like the looks of this team," said Spicowski, adding that "if they've got half the balls of the 39'-45' dynasty, then I'd watch out." The Limeys have historically responded well under pressure, explained Spicowski, citing legendary quarterback Winston Churchill's ability to remain calm while "the blitz was on." The entire sports world is now abuzz over the Yankee-Limey-Taliban-Al Qaeda rivalry, the fiercest in sports since hockey's explosive Red Wings-Avalanche feud of the late nineties.

Bush has informed the press that his team, under the leadership of coaches Donald Rumsfeld and Richard B. Myers, is "fired up real good" about the new war. According to Rumsfeld, the team is running on "Lombardment Time". Summerall concurred, informing the viewing public during Fox War Sunday that "the bomb is on." When questioned, however, Bush admitted to certain difficulties his team is having in its current campaign. "As much as we'd love to play the Al Qaeda Terrorists, we're having difficulty in finding their home field," bemoaned Bush. "And Osama just isn't returning my calls."

With an all time record of 15-3-2, the Yankees are definitely this season's team-to-beat. With success, however, has come burning resentfulness from many other teams. "They're just jealous," sneered Bush, sticking out his tongue to nobody in particular. When asked if the Yankees were indeed a "Love-em or Hate-em" team, Bush responded: "It's like I said. You're either with us, or you're with the Terrorists."