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| 8 November 2001 |
Sophomore Caught Flirting with Wawa Cashier According to reports confirmed by three of his seven roommates, Butler College sophomore Bo Ridlebeck engaged in flirtatious acts with a "pig-ugly" cashier at the local Wawa convenience mart early this week. "She was nasty, man," reported a giggling Dave Wyzham, one of four friends to accompany Ridlebeck to "the Wa" late Monday night. The charges were first brought before the court of public opinion soon after the five Butlerites left the store. Roommate Alex Wang was the first to point out the obvious flirtation to the group. "Shit, Bo!" exclaimed a repulsed Wang. "I can't believe you just did that!"
Wyzham conferred with the additional accusation, attempting unsucessfully to hold back waves of malicious laughter. He informed the Orange that earlier this month, Ridlebeck shared an awkward moment of silence with an unsightly PUDS worker after informing her that she was "very pretty" and asking her to "[go] on a date" with him. Friends trace Ridlebeck's total lack of taste in the opposite sex to his strict Catholic upbringing on the small island of Tazmania. "I guess he'd never seen a girl before he got here," laughed roommate Andy Swartz, "that's what he told me during orientation, at least. It was like some wierd cry for help. What a loser." The only Wawa-goer in the party not to confirm the accusations was Winston Finegold, who shares his bunk-bed with Ridlebeck. "Geez, cut him some slack guys," said the obviously uncool Finegold. "He's just a little uncomfortable with girls. Is there anything wrong with that?" Ridlebeck's detractors countered Finegold's emphatic plea by reminding all those present of Bo's religiously frequent masturbation sessions. "I'm just happy I'm not his bunk-mate, if you know what I mean!" blurted Wyzham. The comment was well received with high fives all-round. Ridlebeck could not be reached for comment at press time, as he was evidently busy in his room doing something alone. |
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