QUEBEC CITY, CANADA - The former Canadian province of Quebec seceded from the planet Earth today, marking the end of the new nation's decades-old struggle for independence. The president of the new nation, former premier Bernard Landry, smuggly informed The Daily Orange that his people "will at last be free to live our traditional, backwards lives in peace without fear of English encroachment or progress."

Frustrated by the federal government's resistance to Quebec independence, the sovereignty movement's leaders made the decision to simply pack up and leave. As plans for the mass French-Canadian exodus were being developed, however, it became clear that there was very little land left on the planet suitable for the transplanted Quebec. According to Maxime Arseneau, Quebec's Minister of Agriculture, Fisheries and Food, "It became clear that Earth could not provide the people of Quebec with the ample maple forest and riverside farmland neccessary for our backward-looking agricultural needs."

And so plans went forward for the new extra-terrestrial homeland. Throughout this planning stage, the provincial and federal governments each waged massive campaigns for public support. The federal slogan, "You'd Have to be Mentally Retarded to Leave," went head-to-head with the sovereigntist catchphrase: "The Anglais Bring Technology and Modernity", in an advertisement blitz that permeated every aspect of provincial life. In the end, the sovereigntists captured the imagination of the center with their last minute promise to nationalize the Montreal Canadiens hockey franchise. The referendum over separation, which took place yesterday, was won on the slimmest of margins. One can only surmise, however, that things may have gone differently had English speaking citizens been granted the vote.

With the people onside, Landry's government readied its pre-constructed fleet of poorly designed rocket ships to take Quebec to its new home. Then, this morning, only 7 hours after the referendum, Landry pronounced Quebec's total sovereignty and ordered the ships to set course for Alpha Centauri.

The Daily Orange managed to get a few interviews before launch time. Diane Lemieux, Minister responsible for the Charter of the French language, was optimistic about the new nation's future. "No longer will we have to suffer the insulting presence of Anglais business and the Anglais signs that come with it," said the jubilant minister. "We will finally return to our feudal land holding system."

Quebec's Minister for Canadian Intergovernmental Affairs, Joseph Facal, was nothing short of estatic:"The heritage and culture of our society is finally safe from progress and multilingualism. Oh glorious, glorious day!"

The success of the launch surpassed all expectations, with only 547 rockets - just 46% of the total fleet - exploding before they left the ground. As the last shuttle left orbit for the star Alpha Centauri, Canadians across the country mourned the loss of their nation's second most populous province. Teary-eyed Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan resident Bob McErven could only bring himself to say: "It's about fucking time."

Earth's final contact with the transient Quebecers was a radio message from the fleet as it veered off course towards the sun, saying: "Nous n'avons plus de carburant. Veuillez envoyer l'aide. Nous sommes désespérés! Aidez-nous, Anglais!"

At press time, nobody had yet bothered to translate.