CompSci Major Confuses attacker with "Leet-Speak"

Princeton undergraduate Freddy Milton narowly escaped a violent mugging Saturday night, thanks in part to his incomprehensibly nerdy language. According to a police press release, at approximately 11:30 pm Milton was apporached by a drunkard who ordered him to hand over his wallet. Milton, who goes by the name "|\/|lL70n", proceeded to fire off threats in a manner of speaking so archaic, few human beings outside the world of internet message boards can understand it. The confused would-be mugger was apparently intimidated by the devil-talk and broke off the engagement.

Milton, a Computer Science major who reportedly has not seen the light of day in four years, was out on his weekly run for Mountain Dew and Doritos when the incident occured. After scaring away his assailant with his unintelligible and incoherent ravings, Milton hurried back to his dorm to report his triumph on a number of IRC channels. He also sent ICQ messages to several members of his Everquest guild to notify them of his recent non-cave-troll-slaying achievement. Milton then proceeded to level up his chaotic mage in an online game of Baldur's Gate.

The Princeton Township Police Department interviewed Milton following his encounter and has provided The Daily Orange with a record of that interview. We took the transcript to renowned linguist Elbert R. Gumfried of the National Insitute for the Study of the Socially Underdeveloped, whose translation and commentary on the language, called "Leet-Speak", can be found in italics.

Officer: Mr. Milton, could you describe your assailant?

Freddy Milton: He wuz drunxOrz off his @ss!!111

Translation: He was drunk off his ass! (Note intentional use of "1"s instead of exclamation marks)

O: So he was intoxicated. How did he approach you?

FM: 7|-|l5 llama wuz 4 mugz0r n00b. He +R13|) 2 ¥4n|< meh w4££37 |3U7 i 0wned teh sux0r.

Translation: This llama (A person of the dork persuasion, lacking of the skillz) was a mugger "newbie" (someone new to mugging). He tried to yank my wallet but I owned (ie: dominated, destroyed) the sucker.

O: Owned? Er, right. How exactly did you defend yourself?

FM: I 70ld hl|\/| h3 l4c|<3d teh l33t skillz, |3u+ I M UBE|^-L33T. I 54id "I pwn j00!!" 4nd 73|~| mu9z0r |24|\| /\\/\//\Y !!!!111

Translation: I told him he lacked the leet (derived from "elite", means intensely hardcore) skills, but I am super-leet. I said "I own (intentional use of "p" instead of "o" - sometimes this verb is pronounced "pween") you!" And the mugger ran away!"

O: You scared him off?

FM: o|3wo| |-|3 _)|_|57 (o|_|lo|n'7 |\/|47(|-| meh [*1m[* d15 s0 7h3 £4me|2 l3|=7 teh 9@m3. 4ll y0|_||2 |o4$3!!!!1111

Translation: Dude he just couldn't match my pimp dis so the lamer left the game. All your base! ("... are belong to us" - old-school nerd expression of computer gaming dominance)

O: He left the game? Don't you mean alleyway?

FM: O i \/\/45 74l|<1|\|9 4|o0|_|7 |\/|y (5 <l4n m47c|-| i h4o| l457 n19|-|7! m¥ |o4o| !!!111

Translation: Oh, I was talking about about my cs (shorthand for "Counter-Strike", a computer game and popular pastime for Mountain Dew guzzling programmers and other dweebs) clan match I had last night! My bad!

O: So what really happened Mr. Mil- er, |\/|lL70n?

FM: I |o|_|573o| 0u7 meh 4|<1m|30 [*3pp3|2 s[*r4z0rz!

Translation: I busted out my akimbo (supposed to mean holding two guns, but can be used for other items) pepper sprayers!

O: You used pepper spray in self-defense then?

FM: w00t w00t!

O: You little pansy -- pepper spray is for women! Now get the fux0r out of my office, sux0r.