Meg Whitman auctions off naming rights to campus buildings

Business-savvy eBay CEO Meg Whitman launched pBay.com this weekend in partnership with the University to auction off the naming rights to campus buildings. The fundraising effort, still in progress, promises to fill the school's coffers as well as make campus maps obsolete.

The naming rights to unnamed structures such as the Princeton Stadium, the Computer Science building and New South were auctioned off early, and will now be known as Dr. Scholl's Stadium, the Farty McTinkle Building and New Coke, respectively. Unfortunately, seller Shirley Tilghman did not understand the "reserve" system, and the combined revenue from these sales was a mere $12.75.

Urged by Whitman to give the site one more try, Tilghman proceeded to auction off the names of 75 additional buildings, sparking outrage in the alumni community. Famous landmarks such as Blair Arch and Nassau Hall are among the new batch of buildings up for a profitable name change.

The Frist Campus Center's name rights were bought by Danny Penman of Boise, Idaho, for $22. Penman informed the Pauper by phone that he intends to name the center after his pet cat Pinky. "This is so cool!" exclaimed Penman. "I've always liked the First Camping Center, but I think its name leaves you wanting more. How does Pinky's Plaza sound? I know it's not really a plaza, but it has a ring to it, don't you think?"

Naming rights to the Princeton Chapel were won by the infamous Brother Steven. The famous church will be renamed "Brother Steven's House of Hellfire", much to the dismay of Dean Thomas Breidenthal. "This is a disgrace. I can't believe I'll have to do sermons in a church with such a name." Brother Steven would only reply: "Abortion is the Devil's work! Gays are the Devil!"

Perhaps the least confusing name change will be undergone by Clio Hall, which was snatched up by celebrity psychic Miss Cleo.

To date, the fundraising campaign has raked in an astounding $126.84, and with renaming rights to hot-ticket buildings like Firestone Library and Alexander Hall still up for sale, Whitman projects a total of over $200. "Thanks to pBay.com, Princeton's endowment fund should increase by at least 0.0000025%. And that's being conservative."

In a similar desperate attempt to raise needed funds, the Quadrangle Club put its name up for auction on pBay.com with no set reserve. Its name was promptly bought by T.I. for $0.67 and changed to "Quad Sucks".