LeMenager Busted for Spying; "Admits" nothing
Yale officials remain tight-lipped

In a startling development in the ongoing Stephen LeMenager saga, the former Princeton Director of Admissions was aprehended by Public Safety yesterday after evidence surfaced that he was a double agent for Yale University. "Mr. LeMenager has been working for the enemy since day one," said President Tilghman in an email address to the university community.

According to espionage expert Frederick Hitz of the Woodrow Wilson School, LeMenager's betrayal is "the biggest intelligence coup since Aldrich Ames sold us out to the Russkies." Over his 18 years in the Admissions Department, LeMenager passed on information about Princeton applicants to his real employers at Yale, while at the same time sabotaging the admissions process at Princeton by throwing out the best applications. "I was wondering how the applicant pools had become such a pile of no-talent drivel," said an irate Dean Fred Hargadon.

"The LeMenager bust was the result of more than a month of investigation by Public Safety's Counter-Espionage Task Force," said Public Safety Director Jerrold Witsil in a telephone interview with the Pauper. Task Force members became suspicious after LeMenager was reprimanded for "breaking in" to the Yale admissions website. "It is now obvious that logging into the [Yale website] was actually LeMenager's method of communication with his superiors at Yale," said Witsil.

LeMenager's efforts to destroy Princeton University were more successful than anyone could have imagined. "His position in admissions was perfect from a tactical standpoint," said Hitz. "From his office in West College LeMenager could admit successively worse classes into Princeton without any of us noticing anything was amiss." A glance at this year's admissions statistics is sobering: the class of 2006 has an average SAT score of 980, and 73% of the class mispelled 'Princeton' on their application forms. Conversely, Yale's freshman class sports a median SAT grade of 1599. "It will take years to repair the damage," said a red-faced President Tilghman.

Hindsight is 20/20, and it is now obvious that July's website scandal was a machination by LeMenager to deflect attention from his real illegal activities. "We in the law enforcement community believed he was 'hacking' the Yale website," explained Witsil, "so the last thing we suspected was that he could be a fifth columnist working against us."

University administrators were said to be considering the option of revoking admission from the class of 2006 and starting over from scratch. The University's freshmen were aghast at the possibility of such a mass expulsion. Said Biff Henderson '06: "Huh?"

LeMenager is being held under guard in the Stanhope basement awaiting trial under the Honor Code. President Tilghman has announced that if LeMenager is convicted, she will seek the maximum penalty for violating the Code: death. The Honor Committee has convened for an emergency session and hearings will begin next week. Several Honor Code scholars questioned the jurisdiction of the Committee in Whig-Clio debate last night, but they were immediately arrested by Public Safety for violating the Code. Public Safety flatly refused to reveal to the Pauper what section of the Code they had violated, and we were told to keep our damn mouths shut.