FOX completes filming of reality series Joe Princetonian

Following the success of the premiere of its controversial new reality series Joe Millionaire, in which twenty money-hungry aspiring brides are tricked into chasing after a low-income construction worker who they believe is the heir to a $50 million inheritance, the Fox network has announced it will release a spin-off series that was filmed right here on campus, titled Joe Princetonian. The sequel series features a similar twist: female Princetonians are lead to believe that the show's hunky bachelor is a smart, wealthy and popular Princeton student. But how will they react when they discover that their dream future husband is actually just a regular high school drop-out "townie"?

According to producer Marvin Silverstein, the show's purpose is to "expose Princeton women as shallow, insecure gold-diggers". Silverstein says the show's star, 22 year-old Dave Anderson, was picked by FOX because he was the "epitome of a townie: an outwardly rebellious young man with a mohawk just looking for some Princeton tail." Anderson, a Princeton Township resident who likes to hang out at Palmer Square and in front of Hoagie Haven with fellow townies, was put through a two week training camp where he was taught how to be a Princetonian. According to Anderson, the preparation was relatively easy: "They told me that there's no intellectualism on campus, so I didn't have to worry about trying to sound smart. And I was already well versed in the art of binge drinking, so I knew the Street wouldn't be a problem, either."

Anderson assumed the personality of Laurence P. Thomas III, a fourth generation Princetonian from Martha's Vineyard, MA. Contestants were told that he was not only the president of both Ivy and Cottage Clubs, but also the social chair of Tiger Inn. "I thought I'd have difficulty making them believe I was captain of the lacrosse squad and the squash team," confessed Anderson, "but they swallowed that shit right up." Anderson also had to be outfitted with a whole new wardrobe that would help him blend in to the Princeton social scene. Nantucket Reds, pastel colored shirts, and polo sweaters were all provided by FOX. "I had a pretty good idea about how to act like a [Princeton] student," remarked Anderson. "I mean, I'm used to seeing them sneer at me all the time when they're on their way into Starbucks."

Filming of the new series wrapped up just before winter recess after a month-long production run. The show's contestants, selected from the classes of 2003 and 2004, were sent home with no knowledge of Anderson's true identity. "We decided it would be more funny if we broke it to them on Christmas day," giggled Silverstein, "and it was." Cameras were on hand to capture the reactions of all twenty contestants when they received the hard news that their sweetheart had no trust fund, no prestigious family name, and that his BMW convertible was actually property of FOX. Needless to say, many dreams were crushed. Only thirteen of the twenty contestants returned to school after break; the families of the other seven told the Pauper that their daughters had suffered from complete emotional breakdowns. One attempted suicide soon after hearing the news.

When asked what he thought about the aftermath of his show, Silverstein commented, "Now that's good television!"

FOX would not disclose to the Pauper which of the contestants was the lucky lady. The network would also not reveal whether or not the chosen bachelorette would accept Anderson's love once she learns her hunk actually prefers torn jeans over pressed khakis. "Our viewers will just have to wait and see if true love conquers all," said Andrew Westing, FOX's Vice President of Morally Reprehensible Programming. Will Joe Princetonian bring two people together, or will the shocking truth about Anderson's identity rip them apart? 

As soon as our source at FOX Studios accepts our bribe, we'll let you know.