Troubadour War Correspondent Killed in Iraq

CENTCOM – Troubadour Magazine Editor-in-Chief Daniel Hafetz revealed today that the magazine’s War Correspondent in Iraq, Chaddington “Chip” Thurstworth IV, had been killed while documenting the ongoing Iraqi Conflict.  According to a Pentagon report on the incident, Thurstworth was posing a malnourished Iraqi child outside of a suspected WMD facility when a patrolling infantryman mistook his pocket-sized digital camera for a copy of the Koran.  

Thurstworth last contacted Troubadour two Thursdays ago, when he called in to report that “I can’t even get Evian, let alone San Pellegrino!” and that “no one wears loafers here.”  “I was as shocked as him!  My roommate freshman year was from India, and he totally wore loafers,” said Hafetz, “The point is, Chip totally was finding out stuff we couldn’t have learned any other way.  About suffering and empire.” 

Troubadour Co-Founder and Editor-in-Chief Jonathan Harris seconded Hafetz’s thoughts. “I think that Chip was really following his heart.  He was another [Jack] Kerouac – or is it [Walter] Cronkite? – any way, he was something.”  However, Harris could not repress his anger with those who caused Thurstworth’s death.  “If only Rummy – we’re tight, I coined the name – had read our ‘Empire’ issue, then he and his damnable empiricists wouldn’t have killed Chip.  And what of those Iraqi children?  Equality, man!” 

Thurstworth is best remembered for his 12-page photoessay “War Blows Chunks; Children Don’t,” which appeared in the Troubadour “How do you weigh an Empire?” issue.  The article displayed photographs of 6 smiling Iraqi children, 5 frowning Iraqi children, and one picture of a dead soldier picked up off the AP wires.  Conservative estimates suggest that nearly 1% of all readers were “moved or very moved” by the essay. 

Chaddington “Biff” Thurstworth III, Thurstworth’s father, in Iraq negotiating pipeline rights-of-way at the time called his son’s death “unfortunate.”  Further, he asked that donations be made to one of those “save the children funds, you know, the ones with those dreadful poor children in the commercials.”  Ivy Club will fly its flag at half-mast for the remainder of the week.