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October 19, 2005: On the Campus
Lyrics by Paul Muldoon. Music by Eric Lybeck and Henry Rich. Copyright by the artists.
DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME
YOU MAY BUCKLE YOUR SWORD AND SANDALS
TO FIGHT OFF THE GOTHS AND VANDALS
NOW THEY’VE DENTED YOUR CHROME
JUST DON’T SIT AROUND TO COUNT THE COST
OF EVERY SHINY THING YOU’VE LOST
BACK IN THE CATACOMBS
DO WHAT YOU MUST WHEN YOU’RE IN ROME
JUST DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME
YOU MAY ARGUE FROM STRENGTH COMES SWEETNESS
WHEN THAT LOVELY DEEM-IT-METENESS
LIGHTS THE PANTHEON-DOME
JUST DON’T REACH INTO THE LION’S MOUTH
AND RUN THE RISK OF GOING SOUTH
ALL FOR A HONEYCOMB
DO WHAT YOU MUST WHEN YOU’RE IN ROME
JUST DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME
I’M NOT PUTTING UP WITH YOUR YACKETY YAK
ON THE ROSSIS AND BIANCHIS
I’M NOT CUTTING YOU ANY MORE SLACK
THAN THE RED SOX CUT THE YANKEES
I’M NOT TURNING A BLIND EYE
IF YOUR HUSBAND COMES CRAWLING BACK
FOR A LITTLE HANKY PANKY
AND YOU GIVE HIM A GREAT BIG HI
DO WHAT YOU MUST WHEN YOU’RE IN ROME
JUST DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME
YOU MAY REVEL IN WHAT IT ENTAILS
TO HAVE SPRUNG FROM YOUR OWN ENTRAILS
LIKE VENUS FROM THE FOAM
JUST DON’T SOAK IT UP LIKE THE BLOODY SAND
WHEN THINGS GOT KINDA OUT OF HAND
BACK IN THE HIPPODROME
DO WHAT YOU MUST WHEN YOU’RE IN ROME
JUST DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME
BRIGHTON ROCK
A WEEKEND IN BRIGHTON
THE OUTLOOK WAS CLEAR
THE CLASH OF THE TITANS
THUNDER ON THE PIER
COFFEE STILL MEANT KENCO
TEA MEANT FOUR O’CLOCK
GUITARS STILL MEANT FLAMENCO
IT CAME AS A SHOCK
WHEN YOU KNOW WHO
STARTED CUTTING THROUGH
THE SICKLY-SWEET FIFTIES BEAT
AND STICKING IT TO YOU
BRIGHTON ROCK
THE MODS AND THE ROCKERS
SPOILING FOR A FIGHT
SCORING STILL MEANT SOCCER
TORY STILL MEANT RIGHT
HIGH STILL MEANT FALSETTO
TONY MEANT HANCOCK
NEEDLES MEANT STILETTOS
SHIT A LOAD OF CROCK
WHILE YOU KNOW WHO
STARTED CUTTING THROUGH
THE SICKLY-SWEET FIFTIES BEAT
AND STICKING IT TO YOU
BRIGHTON ROCK
NOW TROUSERS WERE FLYING AT HALF MAST
LIVERPOOL LONDON BIRMINGHAM BELFAST
CORNERBOYS LEANING AGAINST THE RAIN
FLICKKNIVES AND BICYCLE CHAINS
MUSIC BEGINNING TO MAKE A DENT
IN THE SHINY SURFACE OF WHAT THINGS MEANT
COKE STILL MEANT A FURNACE
GRASS STILL MEANT GREEN
KEEPING MUM MEANT TACITURNESS
STRAIGHT MEANT COMING CLEAN
WHEN TOWNSHEND AND DALTRY
MOONIE AND THE OX
ASSAULTED THE PSALTERY
THE CHOIRSCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS
AND YOU KNOW WHO
STARTED CUTTING THROUGH
THE SICKLY-SWEET FIFTIES BEAT
AND STICKING IT TO YOU
BRIGHTON ROCK
ENOUGH OF ME
THE MONK DESPAIRS OF HIS MAKER
SHEETROCK THE TWO-BY-FOUR
THE BEACH RENOUNCES THE BREAKER
JERSEY THE JERSEY SHORE
THE BIOGRAPHER COMES TO HATE
HER LATEST BIOGRAPHEE
IT’S COME TO ME OF LATE
YOU’VE HAD ENOUGH
HAD ENOUGH YOU’VE HAD ENOUGH OF ME
THE TEAM GIVES UP ON THE TEAMSTERS
COWBOYS MUD IN THEIR EYES
THE SEAM FIGHTS SHY OF THE SEAMSTRESS
ALONG THE INNER THIGH
THE FOUNDATION STONE LOVES TO DISS
THE CAPSTONE IT AIMED TO BE
AS I’VE MANAGED TO MISS
YOU’VE HAD ENOUGH
HAD ENOUGH YOU’VE HAD ENOUGH OF ME
YOU’VE HAD ENOUGH OF MY SEAT-OF-THE-PANTS REMARKS
ENOUGH OF MY SPEAKING OFF-THE-CUFF
MY HOLDING FORTH SO UNBUTTONEDLY
ENOUGH OF THOSE NIGHTS IN METUCHEN AND METRO PARK
WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU COULDN’T GET ENOUGH
COULDN’T GET ENOUGH COULDN’T GET ENOUGH OF ME
THE RAM STEERS CLEAR OF THE RAMBLES
CLEO THE HOODED ASP
THE STRAW DISAVOWS THE CAMEL
AT WHICH IT SEEMED TO GRASP
THE GOSSIP COLUMNS LINK YOUR NAME
TO THAT LOSER ANTONY
WHO CLAIMS THAT HE’S TO BLAME
FOR YOUR HAVING HAD ENOUGH
HAVING HAD ENOUGH HAVING HAD ENOUGH OF ME
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