a PAW web exclusive column by Hugh O'Bleary (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Inky, Dinky, Do
apologies to Larry King
By Hugh O'Bleary
On a weekday evening,
after a long day at work, the train ride home from New York to Princeton
Junction can be a soporific experience. As the train clatters and
sways its way through the New Jersey landscape, heads nod, eyes
droop and close, an occasional soft-or not so soft-snore is heard.
On a recent ride, I found myself slipping into just such a dozy
state. I staved off my yawns by reading the most recent copy of
PAW, but by Metro Park, I had finished the entire issue, even the
President's column, and sleepiness was starting to creep over me,
my thoughts lurching into dreams of old Tigers, Ivy football and
campus renovations. I shook myself awake and started in on a copy
of USA Today that had been left behind by a disembarking passenger.
It only made matters
worse. I was halfway through Larry King's column-marveling that
the man was given a national forum and presumably a hefty paycheck
for what was basically a list of whatever half-baked thoughts happened
to be running through his mind-when things began to blur, like the
wavy screen on an old sit-com signifying a dream sequence, and I
was in the embrace of Morpheus.
I was drifting, floating
on clouds of gauzy newsprint. Princeton.Larry King.Prince.King.
A man in suspenders and oversized glasses, who looked a little like
Harold Shapiro, hailed me in a gruff voice, saying, "Here you
go, my friend," then handed me a folded paper. He tapped the
page with his finger and muttered something that sounded like "my
two cents." I looked down and began to read.
When you say "history,"
you say "Nassau Hall."
Don't you just have to
think that in the wild a tiger would beat a bulldog every time?
And what's a Cantab, anyway?
The Annex's meat loaf
is good eating, my friend.
You look up Environmental
Isotope Geochemistry in the dictionary, you get a picture of Tullis
C. Onstott. . Why doesn't U.S. News & World Report just retire
For a high-powered academic,
Shirley Tilghman is one handsome lady.
Roman gladiator to Princeton
prof: What other actor of his era has the range of Russell Crowe?
I ran into the always-classy
Peter Singer recently and over a terrific dinner (vegetarian, naturally)
he assured me that he never meant to encourage bestiality in any
of his writings. Some folks just read what they want to read into
anything. Next, look for the controversial Singer to drop a bombshell
How come Harvard doesn't
have a H-Rade, or Yale a Y-Rade?
Yours truly will be doing
a cameo (as a crusty columnist with a heart of gold-a real stretch)
in the upcoming Triangle show. A recent quintuple bypass and a second
honeymoon to Tahiti with Shawn and the kids interrupted rehearsals,
but I'll have my lines down by opening night.
Sociology professor Paul
DiMaggio may have won the 2001 Theory Prize from the American Sociological
Society, but did he ever have a 56-game hitting streak?
You know, Brooke Shields
can't come back to reunions often enough.
When you think about
it, Woodrow Wilson's serving as president of both Princeton and
the United States is a heckuva one-two punch. Has anyone else ever
pulled that one off?
Scott Fitzgerald has
to make anybody's short list of great American novelists. The tragedy
was that his life had no second act.
Is there a prettier body
of water in North America than Lake Carnegie?
The Ivy League title
will come down to a four-way tie between Brown, Penn, Princeton
and Harvard. You read it here first, folks.
You can reach Hugh O'Bleary
at "Hugh O'Bleary" <paw@Princeton.edu>email@example.com