a PAW web exclusive column by Hugh O'Bleary
Do Princetonians deserve gifts?
The holidays are almost
upon us. There is so much to do - the usual mountain of planning
and decorating, the cards to be mailed out, the fake snow to be
sprayed-Oh, and then, of course, there are the gifts to be bought.
I look across the aisle of the train to where old Spenderman sits,
catalogs spread out across his lap, cellphone jammed in his ear.
He's ordered half his family's presents already and we're not even
to New Brunswick. Right now I think he has L.L. Bean on the line;
I can hear him yelling something about a Down East flannel doggie
bed. (That reminds me, Diary: pick up Milk Bones for Buster's stocking!)
Why can't I be as organized
and efficientas Spenderman? I try to make a list, but I keep drawing
a blank. I find myself drifting off, musing on the gifts I'd really
like to give. I mean, I can think of a few presents, none of them
available in any catalog (Note to self: check on-line?), that would
be just perfect for some Princetonians on my list:
Harold Shapiro *'64
Framed cover from U.S.
News and World Report and a comfy pair of Tiger-print slippers.
Ralph Nader '55
Fully restored '63 Corvair
with the vanity plates "GRN TGR"
Bill Bradley '65 and
Steve Forbes '70
Dinner for two at Shoney's
on Inauguration Day
Floor-length white mink
(What becomes a legend most?), some really tight leather
pants and a bitchin' pair of alligator boots!
Head Football Coach
University of Miami-approved
admissions office rubber stamp, six cases of "andro" and
an embroidered Vince Lombardi "Winning Isn't Everything..."
Chris Young '02
Video copy of Field
of Dreams and a generous strike zone.
New Head Basketball
Coach John Thompson '88
Chris Young '02
David E. Kelley '79
A semester's stint as
a teacher in a real Boston public school.
Wendy Kopp '89
A slickly produced television
series glamorizing her Teach for America program
Director of Admission
Autographed glossy of
Tom Cruise in the role of Joel ("Princeton could use a guy
like Joel") Goodson in Risky Business.
Sally Frank '80
The renaming of Prospect
St. as Sally Frank St.
Donor Bill Frist '74
Home "beverage lab."
Roger S. Berlind '52
Professor in the Humanities Joyce Carol Oates
A change in Nobel Prize
criteria to make the award dependent upon sheer number of words
Bill Clinton h PhD
An appropriately prestigious
new job, say the 19th presidency of Princeton
Alas, Dear Diary, this
is getting me nowhere. I look over - Jeez, now Spenderman has his
lap-top out. I think he's sending cards on-line. Maybe, Diary, I
should stop at the U-Store on the way home.
Hugh O'Bleary commutes
to New York City from Princeton. He revels in his daily sojourn
across campus to catch the Dinky. You can reach Hugh O'Bleary by
writing him c/o firstname.lastname@example.org