RUTGERS
September 29, 1962

Ladies and gentlemen: The Princeton University Marching Band now presents its own edition of the Freshman Handbook....

Gentlemen of the Class of 1966: You have been informed that your class at Princeton contains one hundred thirty-two high school valedictorians, thirty-eight football captains, and one hundred forty-three school or class presidents -- each one out to duplicate his past record of performance. The Band advises you that --

You've probably heard sophomores say how much the food at Commons has improved over the previous years; actually, no matter how you slice it -- if you can -- it's not the kind of food that's changed, but the quality.

As five hundred freshmen fall into the trenches which now decorate our beautiful campus, one asks where they're going with our fifty-three million dollars.

In the carrels of B Floor, the freshman catches his first glimpse og a senior apparently working diligently on his thesis. The frosh asks, "What are you doing, Charlie?" Charlie answers:

COLUMBIA
October 6, 1962

Ladies and gentlemen: The Princeton University Marching Band visits New York City...

At the Polo Grounds, home of the record-shattering Mets, we see Marvelous Marv Throneberry miss a slow grounder, and in the dugout, Casey Stengel is heard to mumble:

Next, we go to Wall Street and see speculator Melvin Wombat clutching his newly-bought blue chip stock certificates. He opens the Wall Street Journal and, to his dismay, discovers that:

Nestled near the pulsating heart of Central Park, scene of frequent beatings, attacks, and other violent atrocities lies Columbia's sister college, Barnard. Seated on a secluded park bench, we see a lonely girl staring wistfully into the surrounding darkness.

Finally, the Band today welcomes the Columbia student to the gothic grace of Princeton.

PENN
October 13, 1962

Ladies and gentlemen: Confidently neglecting practice this week, the Princeton University Marching Band flicks-out to a double feature.

The lights in the theatre darken, and the Band sits back as the newsreel cameras focus on Ol' Mississippi, where we observe Governor Ross Barnett casting envious glances at the segregated school system of South Carolina. Governor Barnett is heard to say:

The theatre rocks with laughter at a cartoon depicting the hilarious misadventures of a Univerity of Pennsylvania undergraduate.

The first feature, West Side Story, proves memorable to the Tiger Band. Under a New York bridge, two local civic groups engage in spirited debate.

The second feature is an incisive sociological analysis of young love. The Tiger Band comes back with its popcorn just as Professor Humbert Humber is saying to Lolita...

COLGATE
October 20, 1962

Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Marching Band now presents a brief sketch of Life on the Princeton campus.

On a Friday evening in early fall, a group of upperclassmen is seen near Dillon Gymnasium watching scores of buses unloading young maidens on their way to a Freshman Mixer. One junior, seeking illegal entrance, pauses before leaping from the roof of Little Hall, and is heard to say:

The Band would now like to extend a friendly salute to Princeton's alleged landmark across the street from Holder Hall. As the Band forms a cold cup of coffee, Princeton Charlie is heard commenting on the speedy and courteous service:

Princeton is justly famous as a University providing the student with a broad liberal arts education. As such, her students are restricted by few rules and regulations. However, students do wonder if university officials deem the letter of the law important, or the spirit behind it. For example, everyone is familiar with the compulsory chapel attendance rule for Freshman --

Shortly after nine o-clock on Friday night of Freshman Prom, the Frosh and his date find that they are without any place to go. We see them trudging wearily across Gulick Field, blanket in hand,...down past the faculty housing.

CORNELL
October 27, 1962

Ladies and gentlemen: This afternoon the Princeton University Marching Band surveys women and education.

Women have attained educational equality with men only in the last hundred years. However, on the opening page of history, we see that a women was man's first teacher.

Moving a short step forward, we arrive at modern Vassar. We see a lovely young thing and her Ivy League beau embracing beneath a Poughkeepsie arch. Fear of Miss Blanding's omnipresence cause our heroine to whisper:

Elsewhere, women are notably free from restriction.

For example, Cornell's senior women have no curfews, and we understand that they manage to make good use of their freedom.

The modern woman has come so far...that she can now march side by side down the field with the Big Red musicians of the Cornell Band.

HARVARD
November 10, 1962

Ladies and gentlemen: For this traditional Ivy League Big Three rivalry, the Princeton University Marching Band presents a salute to Princeton's worthy adversaries from Hahvahd Yahd.

(Band forms HELLO)

The Band would, with the assistance of six typical Harvard undergraduates, welcome all Harvard men to Princeton.

Recently, Harvard has employed twelve psychiatrists for the purpose of analyzing the emotional problems of its students. Their findings, naturally, have been anything but conclusive, but the problem seems to be --

In response to the cries of nepotism in the nation's capital, President Kennedy is exposing his youngest brother to the perils of the two party election system.

The Band forms an ambitious diaper on the field, symbolic of the aspirations of Teddy Kennedy, newest member of the Harvard-Kennedy Dynasty.

YALE
November 17, 1962

Ladies and gentlmen: This afternoon the Princeton University Marching Band presents some of the significant events that have determined the course of history. There...you are!

First, we take you back to eleventh-century England with its scenic pageantry, splendor, and ornate dress. We invite you to join us in watching the legendary Lady Godiva ride through the maket place of Coventry.

Next, we visit Ancient Rome, the year is 62 A.D. We hear the plaintive strains of a violin above the wild cries of a city being ravaged by fire. Following the sound to the palace, we find Emperor-musician Nero who says calmy:

The year is 1668. We observe two girls, Prudence and Susie, discussing Casanova and his daring exploits. Susie turns to Prudence and says:

Finally, we look into the future. It is opening night at the proposed New Haven Playboy Club. At the door, we see a typical Yale undergraduate showing his I.D. card, and receiving from Hugh Heffner his specially prepared handbook of instructions, and explanations.

DARTMOUTH
November 24, 1962

Ladies and Gentlemen: For its halftime show during this Thanksgiving holiday, the Princeton University Marching Band invites you to join us in visiting some Ivy League vacation resorts:

Forming an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile on the field, the Band first visits that center of international friendship, Havana. One Soviet...(clear throat) tourist is heard to exclaim:

Next, we go way north to Stowe, Vermont, where the Dartmouth snowman thinks he reigns supreme with his thoroughly-impressed Eskimo woman. But his northern coolness cuts no ice in the tropical paradise of Tigerland.

Now, forming the top of a bikini, the Band salutes that favorite vacation spot of all Ivy League, Fort Lauderdale. On a beach, across from the Elbow Room, we see people, and people, and people...

Finishing another undefeated and untied season, the Band forms the bottom of a bikini as we take you to that island paradise, Bermuda. We overhear a girl saying to her Princeton man: