COLUMBIA
October 3, 1964

Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band invites you to join Princeton Charlie on a tour of recent campus improvements.

Returning from his summer vacation, Charlie finds that the University has increased the vigilance and loving care implied in the phrase "in loco parentis." Driving onto campus. he is confronted by (fanfare) the traffic control center. Mistaking it for an ice cream stand, Charlie orders a double-dip strawberry cone. As he is handed a parking ticket, Charlie mutters...

Reflecting on the enthusiasm in high offices for university extravaganzas, Charlie wonders about the proposed multi-million dollar athletic cage. As the Band forms a void on the field, Charlie recognizes the only way he will even get his athletic cage is... to...

One of the most popular campus improvements has been the acquisition of female "critical langauge" students. With an unusual yen for the dialogue of a universal language, Charlie comments on the girls' housing situation.

The house now literally bulges at the seams with the doubling of the female undergraduate body. Although other students may take offense at the unsolicited invasion of their monastic way of life, not Charlie. He rejoices that the ratio is now only 320 to 1, and whistles:

COLGATE
October 17, 1964

Ladies and gentlemen, this afternoon the Princeton University Marching Band takes you on a survey of the American political scene.

We stop in New York City where we find Bobby Kennedy clutching an autographed road map, campaigning on the shirt tails of Robert Wagner. Forming a carpet bag on the field, the Band overhears Bobby whisper to the mayor:

Off on a tributary of the mainstream of American politics we come upon Goldwater-land, the home of the temporary Republican spokesman. As the Band forms a mystical island on the field, we see smoke rising from the foliage and hear in the distance:

In what appears to be not only the dullest, but also the dirtiest Presidential campaign in recent American history, President Johnson is having a hard time removing the blotches from the Democratic reecord caused by Billie Sol Estes, Bobby Baker, and Walter Jenkins. Since he is unable to root out the corruption in his system it seems to the Band there is only one solution:

Looking into the future the Band imagines, contrary to all polls and predictions, Senator Goldwater delivering his inaugural address:

Mr. Chief Justice, most honorable members of the Supreme Court, distinguished members of Congress, my fellow citizen -- 10, 9, 8, 7  (fade)

PENN
October 24, 1964

Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Marching Band commemorates William Shakespeare's four hundredth birthday with its own evaluation of his greatest works.

In Romeo and Juliet, we see a forlorn young lass gazing into the garden and calling for her lover -- "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou?"

In Hamlet, the Band sees the young prince in the throes of desperate self-evaluation. Unable to come upon a workable solution for his problems with Ophelia, Hamlet weakly cries:

With the Band forming a wind swept heath near Dover, we see the deposed King Lear bemoaning the ingratitude of his daughters. As a violent storm whips the bushes, Lear, coming upon the blind Gloucester pleads:

Moving to Dunsinane we see Lady Macbeth pacing the halls. As the Band forms a bloody hand on the field we overhear her cry "Out, out damned spot." The Band offers her its solution.

HARVARD
November 7, 1964

Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Marching Band brings you the confidential story of undergraduate life at Harvard.

At Harvard a boy quickly learns the importance of self-reliance and esteem. Johnny Harvard gains complete confidence in his own ideas and resources. Imagining himself as a future Nobel Prize winner, or possibly even the President of The United States, Johnny looks in the mirror and says:

In a class of 1300 freshmen, Johnny finds it very easy to make friends. But after a few fun-filled weeks innocent Johnny begins to wonder about "the Harvard Man." A little confused, Johnny writes to his Mommy:

Ladies and gentlemen: one year ago this next number was banned in Boston, an example of the support the Princeton Band gets from Fair Harvard. We overhear Johnny's mother urging him to seek more varied companionship. She reminds him of a nearby girls' school and Johnny takes heart as he hastens toward the Radcliffe dorms. Upon arriving, however, he is sorely dissappointed.

Peering in a window he asks:

The "Cliffies" eager to get dates for the big football game with Princeton, stage a panty raid on the hallowed halls of Harvard. Forming a panty on the field, the Band hears the lonely coeds plead for more attention from their male counterparts.

CORNELL
November 21, 1964

Ladies and gentlemen. the Princeton Band invites you to join us at the movies.

As Princeton Charlie and his date get comfortable, they see the news of the week in review. We first observe Dean Burch defending his position as chairman of the Republican National Committee. As the Band forms a right wing on the field, Charlie turns to his date and comments:

Outside an old house in Lenin Hills, we see Nikita Kruschev conferring with his former arch rival, Molotov, over cocktails. When asked about his plans for the future, Nikita replies:

In the first feature, "Splendor in the Grass," we see Natalie Wood and Warren Beatty enjoying a pleasant frolic in the fields. Forming a grass stain on the field, the Band hears the young couple lament:

In the second movie, we see more of Natialie Wood in her role as Gypsie Rose Lee. Forming a string on the field, the Band asks her to uncover the secret of her success. She reveals:

YALE
November 14, 1964

Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band presents the inside story of some great failures of the past.

Taking note of such great automobile geniuses as the inventors of the Studebaker, Hudson, and Kaiser-Fraser, the Band salutes Edsel Ford. Forming an Edsel grill on the field, we ask Edsel why his car took gas. He explains:

Our attention is next directed to Richard Burton, the latest in a series of Taylor-made men. The Band, noticing Liz's high turnover of husbands, asks Burton whether his recent marriage has fulfilled his expectations. He replied sadly:

The Band now travels behind the Iron Curtain to investigate the fate of Russia's recently deposed party leader. Upin questioning, a high placed Soviet official is heard to respond: "Nikita who?"

Finally, we salute Little Bo Peep, whose wayward sheep have been discovered in an undisclosed men's school in Connecticut. Forming a ewe on the field, the Band asks the alies if they came to New Haven because someone had pulled the wool over their eyes. They reply: