The Show That Never Was is a script that was cut in its entirety by the University staff that act as an advisory board (a.k.a. "the censors") in reviewing the Band's halftime scripts.

The show is a Band tradition; throughout the year we collect the material that we feel would be inappropriate for a real show, and put it all together in one big horrifying script. We say "horrifying" because although it is often some of the year's funniest material, it is also material that some people are likely to find in poor taste, or just plain offensive. By saving it all up for The Show That Never Was, we avoid including that material in our real shows. This strikes a balance between our member's creativity in writing very funny material that may offend some, and the need to be politically correct, avoiding offending the sensibilities of our audience.

YOU may find this material offensive. If you choose to read these shows, you are explicitly taking responsibility for the possibility you will be offended. Fair warning.

The Show That Never Was is not intended to be taken seriously; we have no intention of performing this material. (Except for the tradition that says "If the censor board actually approves a Never Was script, the Band must perform it." Not surprisingly, the censor board has never approved any Never Was script.)

If after reading the warnings above you still wish to read any of these shows, you can select them below. Access to these scripts via the Web is limited by password to Princeton Band members and alumni.

Please do not redistribute any copies of The Show That Never Was to anyone else, in any form; we don't want innocent bystanders to read these out of context, without seeing these warnings first.

We apologize for all the beauracracy....due to the content of most Never Was scripts, it is necessary for the Band to cover its (collective) ass. (Which is a pretty horrifying image, fortunately experienced only by toll collectors along I-95.) Here then, is The Show That Never Was for each year:

2001
2000 1999 1998 1996 1995 1994 1993 1992 1991
1990 1989 1988 1987 1982