The Band's announcer for the 1998 football season was Abby Wasserman '00.

CORNELL
September 19, 1998

There was no pregame performance, as Princeton Athletics delivered a presentation to dedicate Princeton Stadium.

Band scrambles into a 'P' formation, and plays "Princeton Forward March". (The Band remains in this formation for the remainder of the dedication ceremony.)

The "Star Spangled Banner" is performed by a singer, accompanied by the Band.

The Cornell Big Red Marching Band performs "Far Above Cayuga's Waters" from the grandstands.

Representatives from past Princeton football teams march onto the field behind their class banners, while the Band plays "The Princeton Cannon Song" and "Going Back to Nassau Hall."

The Princeton flag last lowered in Palmer Stadium is now raised in Princeton Stadium, while the Band leads the crowd in singing "Old Nassau".

The football team takes the field for the first time, as the Band plays "The Princeton Cannon Song."

LEHIGH
September 26, 1998

There was no pregame script, as Lehigh Athletics did not allow the Princeton Band to perform a script. The following was performed without a script.

FORDHAM
October 3,1998

There is no pregame script for this game because Fordham Athletics did not permit the Princeton Band to perform a pregame show.

BROWN
October 10, 1998

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Princeton Stadium: three weeks and still standing!

The University is trying to drum up extra excitement for the new stadium by holding Community Day. In the future, the Band suggests:

• Free Psychic Reading Day
• Free Beanie Baby Day
• Free Tibet Day: free Tibet when you purchase another country of greater of equal value
• Free Umbrella Day...please?
• Free AOL Diskette Day
• Get Out of Jail Free Day
• Free Vasectomy Day: everyone in section 10 gets a free vasectomy!

and of course

• Free Doris Day...everybody share!

Saluting Brown University, where everyone enjoys freebies, the Band forms a free 'b'.

And now, it's the

• high in fiber, not in fat
• extra crispy
• betcha can't eat just one
• betcha bite a chip
• your kids will eat it up
• baked, not fried
• melts in your mouth, not in your hand
• full day's supply of vitamin C
• Mikey likes it
• flame-broiled
• curiously strong
• it does a body good
• no preservatives
• double your pleasure, double your fun
• Double-Double Rotating P!

LAFAYETTE
October 17, 1998

There is no pregame script for this game because Lafayette Athletics imposed unacceptable conditions upon the Band's performance. The Band did not travel to Lafayette.

HAHVAHD
October 24, 1998

Ladies and gentlemen, our annual scoring update from the Nobel Prize committee: Princeton 1, Hahvahd 0.

Speaking of the Nobel Prize, the Princeton Band won one, with our new wonder drug called "Band"...hence the name.

• Women who are, or may potentially be pregnant should not take the Band, or handle broken Band members because of the risk of a certain kind of birth defect.
• When taking the Band, be sure to consult a registered psychotherapist.
• Do not take the Band if you have a heart condition or a well-developed sense of taste.
• Use protective eyewear while looking directly at the Band.
• Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery while under the influence of the Band.
• Be sure to take the Band on an empty stomach.
• Common side-effects include: dizziness, nausea, blurred vision, and halitosis.

Forming an 'h', the Band salutes halitosis--no, wait--Hahvahd.

(The following joke was never performed, as Princeton Athletics cut off the Band's pregame at this point. Princeton Athletics has designed a new pregame schedule which replaces most of the pregame show with dead time.)

• Help me Obi wan Kanobi, you're my only hope
• Band, I am your father
• No, that's not true. That's impossible!
• It's not my fault
• Stay on target. Stay on target.
• Wookie of the Year
• Darth Vader Oath
• We've gotten into stadiums more heavily-protected than this before
• the curiously strong Force
• XXX-wing fighter
• I have a bad feeling about this
• This isn't the orange plaid Band you're looking for
• We are quite safe from your pitiful Hahvahd fleet
• A more wretched hive of scum and villiany
• When 900 beers you reach, look as good you will not
• The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant compared to the power of the
• Double-Double Rotating P!

COLUMBIA
October 31, 1998

Panting onto the field like we just ran a marathon, it's the Princeton University Band.

Ahh, it's Fall. And that means that it's time for the New York Marathon. But how can you win the race? We suggest:

• tell everyone their shoes are untied
• take the subway
• spill tacks on the road
• start the race twelve hours early
• two words: jet thrusters
• use the human catapult
• jump onto the back of the pace car
• secretly replace your bloodstream with Folger's Crystals
• simply use motorized feet
• or detour the marathon to Columbia

Forming a 'c' on the field, the Band says: "Take this marathon to Columbia!"

And now, it's the

• unleaded
• highly volatile
• tiger in your tank
• more miles for your money
• ten percent ethanol blend
• curiously strong
• high octane
• pay at the pump
• extremely flammable
• chili and beans
• drive your engine clean
• full service
• oxygenated for winter
• regular, plus, super, extra-super
• Double-Double Rotating P!

Look out, Band: it's 35,000 New York Marathon runners, and they're coming right for us!

PENN
November 7, 1998

(The following pregame was never performed, as Princeton Athletics cut off the Band's pregame as it began. Princeton Athletics has designed a new pregame schedule which replaces most of the pregame show with dead time.)

This past week, Americans nationwide went to the polls. True to America's democratic system, Minnesotes elected Jesse "the Body" Ventura as their new governor. And they couldn't have chosen a more qualified candidate. Let's take a look at his resumé, shall we? His previous jobs include:

a)

professional wrestler

b)

bowling shoe disinfector

c)

Laker Girl

d)

assistant sea monkey trainer

e)

champion gymnast in the South Dakota Games '96

f)

the Penn Band

Forming a small 'p', the Band salutes Pennsylvania's most illustrious alumnus: Jesse "the Body" Ventura.

And now, it's the

• no pain, no gain
• iron pumping
• steel cage match
• beefcake
• double suplex filibuster
• curiously strong
• against the ropes
• sweating and grunting
• feel the burn
• fight with brain and brawn
• tag team
• pile driving
• beat 'em, beat 'em, buck 'em, buck 'em, lay 'em down and really
• Single-Double Rotating P!

YALE
November 14, 1998

Ladies and gentlemen, leading the Princeton University Band this week is President Ken Lee...and he's wearing a skirt!

All of the deferred maintenance at yale is beginning to cost the students, many of them forced to live ouside of usual residential spaces. Where will they go? We suggest:

• the Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swing Space
• the yale Bowl
• Payne Whitney Gym -- no, wait -- that's under construction too
• on the streets of New Haven
• and of course, Naples
• or, with the lucky "Get out of yale Free" card, students can live on a campus that's already been built, at Princeton.

Forming a 'y', the Band salutes a school where deferred maintenance is a way of life.

And now, it's the

• curiously short pregame
• freak core
• sock water
• key to Amelia's van
• dinner at Vinny's house
• but you have the Band Van keys
• written the letter yet?
• black pants for everyone
• drum arches
• gimme a 'T', gimmer an 'I', gimme an 'R'!
• I meant well!
• Double-Double Rotating Pong Paddle!

Run away, Ken! I feel a draft!

DARTMOUTH
November 21, 1998

Ladies and gentlemen, put on your sunglasses and prepare yourself for the aesthetic lunacy of the Princeton University Band!

To make our honorable opponents from Dartmouth feel more at home, we've made a few changes here at Princeton:

• We filled Princeton Stadium with fifty thousand pounds of snow, Snow, SNOW!
• We converted our eating clubs to fraternities: Psi Beta Tower, T I Ota, and Kappa Gown.
• To provide that Hanover feeling of isolation, we've annihilated all neighboring towns.

Forming a 'd', the Band points out that we've even changed the color of the field to green. How's that for hospitality?

And now, it's the

• to get to the other side
• because it's too far to walk
• no, I'm a frayed knot
• there's footprints in the butter
• I'm just a curiously strong conductor
• so the bartender says, "That's not a duck"
• there's White-Out all over the screen
• no, the red brick
• they're right, we do taste like chicken
• I don't know, but his face rings a bell
• orange you glad we didn't say
• Double-Double Rotating P!