Tuesday, February 8, 2000
In Rodham We Trust
With her husband, daughter, and mother in tow, first lady Hillary Clinton officially tossed her bonnet in the ring this week, announcing her candidacy for the U.S. Senate at a rally at the State University of New York at Purchase. “I may be new to the neighborhood, but I’m not new to your concerns,” she trumpeted. Mrs. Clinton adamantly cited the need for better public schools, improved health care, and continued economic success for the new millennium, according to the New York Times. In a stunning announcement afterward, her Republican rival Rudolph Giuliani agreed completely.
In the Hot Seat
Clever pundits have recently poked fun at the rube-oriented television shows “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” and NBC’s new “Twenty-One” as being far too easy compared to the original 1950’s-era programs of the same genre. Said author Don Lessem, who competed on “Jeopardy” last month, “If you’re not in tune with junk culture, you’re at a real disadvantage on these shows,” in an interview with Joseph Kahn of the Boston Globe. Mr. Lessem cited the question, “NASA’s launch site is located in Florida. True or false?” as an example of the low standards of the networks. If only we could go back to the days when television was pure and quiz shows were true educational tools.
Liberal Interpretation
To honor the 100th anniversary of the birth of Adlai Stevenson Jr. ’22, an exhibit narrating his action-packed life story opened Saturday at Firestone Library, according to The Daily Princetonian. The installation, “A Voice of Conscience: Adlai Stevenson,” was greeted with a panel discussion by family members and colleagues of Stevenson on the noted alumnus’ life and political career. The famous intellectual ran twice for president against Eisenhower during the 1950’s, a time when life was simpler but quiz shows more difficult. Of his father’s qualifications for the job, Stevenson’s son Adlai III said: “The country would not have endured the agony of Vietnam or Watergate . . . He had integrity. He may have been overqualified.” The panel discussion was well attended by campus supporters of Bill Bradley, who were taking notes.
Laid Out
Readers of the Daily Princetonian will notice that the new editorial board, led by Richard Just, has elected to change the look of its paper by using spiffy new graphics and headline fonts. However, don’t be fooled; the Prince still sucks.
Cooler than Cocktail
While Princeton University again offers the “don’t ask, don’t tell” course, Bartending 101, potential participants are advised to investigate beforehand exactly what type of bartending they are supposed to learn. “Extreme bartending,” perhaps designated at the 300-level, in which bottle-slingers juggle vodka while traipsing across broken glass, flip drinks in a vertical loop without spilling, and compete in all manner of flair and speed contests, may be the next ESPN2 candidate, The New York Times reports. No word yet on whether Tom Cruise will make a cameo.
Very Funny Valentine
If you’re a graduate student at Princeton, most days are bad — but Valentine’s Day is terrible. The Graduate Student Government, the evil twin brother of the USG, has therefore been searching for ways to alleviate heartache on the saddest day of the year. The solution: “Y2Kupid: a Valentine for the New Millennium,” a semi-formal dance party.
The problem is, the clove-smoking psychos can’t find dates. So the GSG has concocted the “Love Match Questionnaire, guaranteed to find you not just one, but two (or maybe even three!) ideal Valentine matches.” The thought of actually meeting and dancing with as many as three other grad students, however, was too horrifying to imagine, and nobody signed up. Those looking for a good time should visit www.princeton.edu/~gsg/valentine.htm.
Barred for Life
As if social prospects on the other side of the golf course weren’t grim enough, the following announcement from the Dean of the Graduate College should be enough to provoke any self-respecting grad student to throw himself from the tower. The d-bar, once the only spot on campus dark enough for grad students to feel comfortable, will henceforth only be open to those students who actually live at the Graduate College (and one guest, as if they have friends). The College was considering closing the d-bar altogether, after a few undergraduates were spotted there, actually enjoying themselves. It remains open for those few tortured souls who are forced to live at the College, however, so that they might drown their sorrows in a few dozen cheap imported beers.
Skate or Die
According to the Princeton University Police Blotter, Public Safety officers stopped four young persons, or “juveniles” in the lingo of law enforcement, for skateboarding in front of the Princeton Stadium early last month. In a move cited as allegedly being “for their own good,” the juveniles were advised of University policy and issued verbal warnings. Liability be damned, we say; let the kids thrash.
A Big Bill
President Bill Clinton pulled out and unsheathed his huge $1.84 trillion budget proposal for 2001 this Monday. This strong proposal, Clinton’s final budget for his tenure in the White House, would use the federal budget surplus to eliminate the national debt by 2013, while increasing domestic spending on health care, education and military programs.
When asked about the future of the debt in a CNN interview, the president said: “Federal deficits are last century’s news.” So are you, Mr. Clinton, so are you.
Who’s Your Daddy
For all those who believe that the fashion world is reserved for esoteric European designers and models hopped up on smack, The New York Times reports that a recent Manhattan fashion show exhibited clothing designed by none other than Sean “Puffy” Combs. While it is still inconclusive whether Combs has turned to fashion design as a means to insure Jennifer Lopez’s body or to pay off illegal handgun possession charges, the Times raved about the fit of the clothes, “not too baggy, not too tight.” And very, very distant from the image of a true rapper.
Big on Underwear
Puffy’s wardrobe was not the only puffed-up runway display turning heads at the Times last weekend. Elsewhere in Manhattan, spectators packed in shoulder-to-shoulder to get a glimpse of lingerie . . . modeled by plus-sized women. Amid a raucous crowd, the size-14-and-up women strutted their stuff to prove again that inescapable American axiom: in the land of the free, bigger is almost always better.
You’re Snow Heroes
For the first time in nearly three years, a cover of snow has blanketed the Princeton campus. While such an act of nature has proven nearly catastrophic for ill-adapted Southerners and Californians, whose incessant complaining has sufficiently deafened everyone else on campus, the snowfall failed to provoke the one event to which it is inexorably tied: the Nude Olympics. Despite rumors and secret plots to hold private Games in Prospect taprooms, the night of the first snowfall found the campus eerily quiet. Unfortunately, this year’s sophomore class is nothing but a pack of spineless cowards, afraid to flaunt idle threats of a year’s suspension in the name of tradition.
Bicker This
In a shocking turn of events, several members of The Spectator staff were actually accepted into bicker clubs last Friday. The walls of TI and Cottage, once impenetrable to editors of this paper (though not for a lack of trying), have now been breached. Whether this has to do with a severe lack of judgment on the part of those clubs or simply the low turnout at bicker is yet to be determined. It seems certain, however, that the clubs will swiftly revoke membership privileges of these intrepid sophomores, once their true identities are revealed.
La La Land
Leonardo DiCaprio’s character from his new movie The Beach, which opens Friday, could pummel Jack, his character from Titanic. The new movie, in which he plays a darker role, is very different from Titanic, as he now begins the “after” part of his career, in which he scrambles to avoid being typecast as a sissy. Martin Grove, ace movie analyst for The Hollywood Reporter, wrote, “His superstardom is based on the success of a single film which scored at the box office not completely because of him, but because of the totality of what it was. He needs to ensure his longstanding success by doing more films along the lines of what his fans want to see.” The success of The Beach notwithstanding, our guess is that Mr. Grove was wearing Gucci shoes and had a two-cappuccino lunch on the day he saw the movie.
