Thursday, September 30, 1999
Double Secret Probation
Although saddened by last year’s departure of Beth Morgan, The Spectator is glad to see that the office of Assistant Dean of Undergraduate Students has been filled by an alert administrator. Before we even published the first issue, Spectator central received a phone call from Thomas Dunne, the new pseudo-dean, who voiced concern over our recruiting posters, which advocated “Free Speech, Free Markets, Free Beer.” Unlike his predecessor, Mr. Dunne’s chief complaint was with the third item, rather than the first; he feared that the tactic of mentioning alcohol on a poster aimed at recruiting freshmen did not “agree with the new alcohol policy.” Frankly, neither do we.
To Thomas Dunne: never argue with people who buy ink (or beer) by the barrel.
C. Anthony Run
Although we’re glad to have already made a new friend in West College, we’re sad to see so many of our old playmates depart. The planned abdications of Dean of Undergraduate Students Janina Montero, Provost Jeremiah Ostriker, and Registrar C. Anthony Broh, will certainly create three pairs of small shoes to fill. Of the unholy trinity, Ms. Montero earned the most dubious reputation, infamous for her opposition to anything fun. Mr. Ostriker’s offense was that once, in conversation with a Spectator editor, he compared himself with the Prince of Denmark. Our only gripe with Mr. Broh is that he insists on going by the first name of “C.” While Ms. Montero’s detractions from the University are quite tangible, we’re not sure what provosts or registrars even do; nonetheless, we pity any school that will have to suffer the regime of such tyrants.
Floyed
As the floodwaters from Hurricane Floyd receded last week, Ms. Montero helped further substantiate the above statement. Last Thursday, even though the Elizabethtown Water Company, which is responsible for supplying all of the water to north- central New Jersey, announced that it was about to lift restrictions on water usage, Dean Montero had other plans. “We still have several days of this in front of us,” she said in the Daily Princetonian; ‘we’re not going to lift those restrictions until we’re in a better situation.” Apparently, Ms. Montero enjoys forcing the students, of whose life she’s dean, to live without showers — even when the water company itself would permit normal consumption.
What, No Evian?
In fairness, however, rarely have students overreacted so vigorously to such a minor setback as we experienced after the flood. One week of limited showering and brushing teeth with mouthwash was enough to expose just how spoiled the Princeton student body really is. Some resorted to driving hours away just for a hot shower and laundered clothes.
Nothing typifies the lunacy of the situation, however, so well as a comment by the inappropriately named head of Dining Services, Stu Orefice, commenting on the situation in the Student Center: “[students are] taking out a lot of water, and our supply is dwindling,” he said in the Daily Princetonian. “We may have to purchase some generic bottled water. They can’t produce the Princeton labels fast enough.” Heaven forbid, generic water.
Another Salvo
Unfortunately, Stevenson Hall has a new lease on life. Last spring, the University-sponsored alternative to eating clubs on Prospect was on the chopping block, as the administration had hoped that it would be replaced by the Frist Campus Center. However, Stevenson, home of freaks and malcontents, will now remain open until the campus center is actually completed, reports the Daily Princetonian. Perhaps once the building breaks the chains of University slavery, the former eating club will resume usefulness as a watering hole on Thursday and Saturday nights — if it can avoid the fate of Notestein Hall, that is.
Trashed
Yale, always an enemy of free speech and other forms of liberty, further embarrassed itself earlier this month, when University officials threw an entire issue of a conservative magazine in the trash. Light and Truth, a publication that purports to challenge Yale’s “politically correct oligopoly,” was seized and destroyed after printing an article encouraging Yale freshmen to stray from mandatory sexual education seminars, reports the Yale Daily News. It seems, however, that Yale students already receive enough sexual education from their unisex bathrooms.
If you’re reading this, The Spectator has somehow managed to avoid the same fate, again.
Shaken, Not Stirred
The Shakers, a devout Christian sect, are facing a crisis, as they are on the edge of extinction. The entire Shaker population, reports The Wall Street Journal, has dwindled to only seven members, living in seclusion at Sabbathday Lake in Maine. The demise of the Shakers, however, is the result of a self-inflicted covenant — the Shakers are celibate, and expand their membership only by taking in orphans or converting otherwise normal people. Known best for their furniture, the Shakers also abstain from alcohol. In order to survive, they might take a piece of knowledge from mainstream American culture: the two things they won’t do go great together.
Birds of Pray
Last Saturday, the still innominate football stadium held the first night game in Princeton history. Unfortunately for the crowd of 20,000, Princeton hosted Patriot-League powerhouse Lehigh, who made short work of the tigers, winning 31-0. Even the Mountain Hawk put on a good show, as the visiting mascot was ejected from the game for making lewd gestures to the crowd. Although students here are often criticized for their apathetic support of the football program, one look at the student section revealed just how intelligent Princeton students really are, as most were otherwise occupied at the tailgates behind the field.
Something about Mary
Remember when art used to be beautiful? The Brooklyn Museum of Art is currently displaying an exhibit so distasteful it requires a warning label, reports The New York Times. The exhibit, entitled “Sensation: Young British Artists from the Saatchi Collection,” is not open to children without adult supervision. Most offensive is a portrait, “The Holy Virgin Mary,” which depicts the Catholic saint splattered with elephant dung and images of buttocks.
New York mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, a known fascist, has declared war on the exhibit, threatening to rescind city funding. Despite Mr. Giuliani’s bloviations on talk radio, however, where he called the exhibit “sick stuff,” the city is prevented by the First Amendment from denying grant money to the museum based on the content of the artwork. “Mary” artist Chris Ofili ought to retaliate with a giant mural of the mayor; we’d like to see how it would be decorated.
A Pair of Stiffs
Another mayor has taken a less harageous approach to attracting attention to himself: Fernando de la Rúa of Buenos Aires has based his campaign for president of Argentina on the fact that he’s boring. In a new television commercial, Mr. de la Rúa contrasts himself with president Carlos Saúl Menem, whose is portrayed as an immoral, extravagant figure, reports The Sunday Times. “They call me boring,” says Mr. de la Rúa, in the commercial, as images of Mr. Menem driving a Ferrari flash on screen; the tactic has worked, however, as Mr. de la Rúa commands a sizable lead over the incumbent with only a month left before the election. If it works for him, perhaps the same strategy can work for Vice-President Al Gore, as he tries to distance himself from the legacy of Bill Clinton, America’s metaphorical Ferrari driver.
Free Prozac
Always mindful of our enemies in the Graduate College, a keen-eyed Spectator editor spotted a flyer posted on McCosh for a meeting of “Graduate Students for Local Activism”on Wednesday, September 29th at 5:00 p.m. in McCosh 2. Topics on the agenda for discussion include: “addressing the lack of dental/eye benefits for graduate students” and “fighting the Census 2000 undercount in our community.”
Of more interest, however, is “National Depression Day”; free, confidential depression screening will be offered to graduate students on October 7 in the Goheen Library from 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. It’ll be worth skipping precept for.
Baggage Claim
Sir Alfred, an Iranian exile, has been living in Terminal One of Charles de Gaulle Airport in Oissy France since 1988. Merhan Karimi Nasseri, as his mother named him, spends most of his day sitting quietly on a red plastic bench listening to his radio, according to a French newspaper. Without a passport, he has been unable to leave the immigration twilight zone, though he has received hundreds of letters of support from fans.
Philippe Bargain, the airport’s medical director, said that although last week Alfred finally received permission to enter Europe, the years of confinement have damaged him so much that he is unable to leave the airport. His father, who once spent sixteen years in a Spanish railroad station, is very proud of his son’s accomplishment.
