Web Exclusives: Inky Dinky Do
a PAW web exclusive column by Hugh O'Bleary
(paw@princeton.edu)


September 12, 2001:
Inky, Dinky, Do
With apologies to Larry King
By Hugh O'Bleary

On a weekday evening, after a long day at work, the train ride home from New York to Princeton Junction can be a soporific experience. As the train clatters and sways its way through the New Jersey landscape, heads nod, eyes droop and close, an occasional soft-or not so soft-snore is heard. On a recent ride, I found myself slipping into just such a dozy state. I staved off my yawns by reading the most recent copy of PAW, but by Metro Park, I had finished the entire issue, even the President's column, and sleepiness was starting to creep over me, my thoughts lurching into dreams of old Tigers, Ivy football and campus renovations. I shook myself awake and started in on a copy of USA Today that had been left behind by a disembarking passenger.

It only made matters worse. I was halfway through Larry King's column-marveling that the man was given a national forum and presumably a hefty paycheck for what was basically a list of whatever half-baked thoughts happened to be running through his mind-when things began to blur, like the wavy screen on an old sit-com signifying a dream sequence, and I was in the embrace of Morpheus.

I was drifting, floating on clouds of gauzy newsprint. Princeton.Larry King.Prince.King. A man in suspenders and oversized glasses, who looked a little like Harold Shapiro, hailed me in a gruff voice, saying, "Here you go, my friend," then handed me a folded paper. He tapped the page with his finger and muttered something that sounded like "my two cents." I looked down and began to read.

When you say "history," you say "Nassau Hall."

Don't you just have to think that in the wild a tiger would beat a bulldog every time? And what's a Cantab, anyway?

The Annex's meat loaf is good eating, my friend.

You look up Environmental Isotope Geochemistry in the dictionary, you get a picture of Tullis C. Onstott. . Why doesn't U.S. News & World Report just retire the trophy?

For a high-powered academic, Shirley Tilghman is one handsome lady.

Roman gladiator to Princeton prof: What other actor of his era has the range of Russell Crowe?

I ran into the always-classy Peter Singer recently and over a terrific dinner (vegetarian, naturally) he assured me that he never meant to encourage bestiality in any of his writings. Some folks just read what they want to read into anything. Next, look for the controversial Singer to drop a bombshell regarding cannibalism.

How come Harvard doesn't have a H-Rade, or Yale a Y-Rade?

Yours truly will be doing a cameo (as a crusty columnist with a heart of gold-a real stretch) in the upcoming Triangle show. A recent quintuple bypass and a second honeymoon to Tahiti with Shawn and the kids interrupted rehearsals, but I'll have my lines down by opening night.

Sociology professor Paul DiMaggio may have won the 2001 Theory Prize from the American Sociological Society, but did he ever have a 56-game hitting streak?

You know, Brooke Shields can't come back to reunions often enough.

When you think about it, Woodrow Wilson's serving as president of both Princeton and the United States is a heckuva one-two punch. Has anyone else ever pulled that one off?

Scott Fitzgerald has to make anybody's short list of great American novelists. The tragedy was that his life had no second act.

Is there a prettier body of water in North America than Lake Carnegie?

The Ivy League title will come down to a four-way tie between Brown, Penn, Princeton and Harvard. You read it here first, folks.

You can reach Hugh O'Bleary at "Hugh O'Bleary" <paw@Princeton.edu>paw@princeton.edu